Bedlam Series
by Kaynara
Summary: The crew copes with the events of the BDM. Spoilers. A continuation of the Strange Bedfellows story. Mal Inara, Simon Kaylee. NC15.
1. Chapter 1

Bedlam Part 1

By Kaynara

He lifted his face from the black of her hair. Pressing his lips into the crook of her neck, he inhaled her scent, took her in until he thought he couldn't take any more. He tugged her on top of him, felt her knees lock around his hips as her hair fell forward, heavy, fragrant, curtaining his face, cloaking them both. Secrecy. Safety. Serenity. He found himself reaching, pushing the thin gauze of her nightgown up over her hips. When his fingers skimmed the sides of her breasts, she raised her arms in the air, let him lift the material over her head. He felt paralyzed, halted by the beauty of her. Then she took his hands, placed them over her chest.

"Mal. Ren ci de Fo zu."

He needed to feel her beneath him then, so he rolled them both, pressing her down into the mattress. He didn't remember taking his clothes off but he must have because he was pushing down on her, pushing against her. He met her eyes, asking for permission none of the others sought. She gave it without moving her lips. And then, for the first time in what felt like forever, he was whole.

Then he felt the rough texture of an army blanket against his cheek and a fierce achin' in his nether-regions. He woke, like always, alone. Wincing, he hoisted himself up on one arm, looked down at the pillow he was clutchin' under him like the teddy bear from porn land. He glanced around his bunk, taking in the bare walls, the empty space.

"Every gorram' night!" he muttered. Groaning, Mal rolled on to his back to stare at the ceiling for another six hours, 'fore it was time to get up.

---

Kaylee was dreaming. The air pressed cool and dark against her skin but everything else was warm and light. Simon was warm. She stretched her arms up around his torso, glided her hands down his back. She arched her body up, feeling the hair on his legs brush the smooth insides of her thighs. She loved that he was shirtless, loved it more because she was the one wearing his shirt.

"Doctor?" she murmured in her sleep. "I feel all hot and shivery. Think you can cure me?"

"Kaylee. Oh, God. Kaylee, Kaylee."

She didn't want to open her eyes. She liked it better this way, she and Simon, alone together in the dark. When she woke up, everything would change. She'd remember what had happened to them all. She couldn't stop remembering.

"Kaylee." Spent, Simon sunk his head between the hollow of her breasts.

She opened her eyes. He grinned at her.

"Morning, pretty girl."

She reached out a hand, traced the outline of his lips with her finger tip.

Wasn't right, her bein' this happy, her havin' all this. Not with the Shepard and Wash gone. Not when Zoe was so alone.

---

Zoe lay her head back against the back of the pilot seat. It was the only place she could sleep now. Sometimes she thought she could feel him there, see him kneeling beside her, gazing up at her. Sometimes he seemed his usual self, seconds away from lightening the moment, laughing at his own jokes before he said them. Sometimes he looked different to her, older, sadder. Sometimes she wondered if she was going crazy. Mostly, she didn't much care.

"Good morning."

Zoe turned, surprised to find River standing on the bridge, barefoot, hair all rumpled and wearing naught but a man's button-down shirt. Zoe widened her eyes slightly, wondered about the owner of that shirt and who would soon be killing the poor man.

"River. What are you doing up, Sweetie? It's barely four in the AM."

"Slept enough. Can I sit with you? Won't be a bother."

"No offense, honey, but I'm not the best company."

"No," River agreed. "I forget to tell you, though. Got distracted."

"You forget to tell me I'm lousy company?"

River scrunched up her nose, laughed. She walked toward the window, lifted two of Wash's dinosaurs and held them up for Zoe to see.

"Fallacious. They never walked together on Earth-that-was. Different eras."

Zoe squeezed her hand into a fist, kept her voice gentle.

"River, I—"

"He's sad for you. He doesn't want you to go on like this. Wants you to be like you were, be happy. Wants you to be Zoe." River returned the dinosaurs to their spots. "Also, he saw Kaylee and Simon doing it in the infirmary."

River hesitated at the doorway. She shook her head, bemused, crinkled her nose.

"He laughed so hard…."

Zoe watched her go, blinking. A thousand emotions whirled through her. And slowly, savoring, she glided a hand down her stomach, spread her fingers to cover what Wash never got to feel. She stayed that way a long time, eyes on the blackness in front of her.

---

"Mornin', Cap'n," Kaylee said brightly as Mal appeared in the doorway.

He took in the sight of them, Kaylee in Simon's lap, cuddlin' as though it weren't 8 AM, as though they weren't sittin' smack down at his kitchen table for all to see. Well, him and Jayne at least. The others had yet to put in an appearance.

"Uh huh," Mal answered and reached for the coffee.

"Know somethin' funny?" Kaylee asked, addressing no one in particular. "Even though I been on Serenity all these months now, still feels strange eatin' breakfast in the dark—when it's dark out I mean. You guys know what I mean?"

"I do," Simon volunteered, nuzzling his lips into her neck.

"Big surprise there," Jayne muttered. He eyed Mal over his bowl. "Cap'n?"

Mal glanced at his watch.

"Yep, 'been near two weeks."

Simon raised an eyebrow. "What's that?"

"Hmm?" Mal drained his coffee mug and reached for a refill. "Oh, I told the crew they couldn't tease you merciless for at least two weeks. Figured you both deserved to enjoy the honeymoon phase in relative peace." He raised his mug in mock-toast. "Merry Christmas."

Kaylee nodded, clearly not perturbed enough to get off Simon's lap.

"I knew you all was actin' strange-like. Way too nice," she said, narrowing her eyes across the table.

"So now it's a free for all?" Simon said dryly. He shifted a little in his seat but didn't suggest that Kaylee move.

"Pretty much," Mal agreed. "Might help some if the both of you wear your own pants. At least for meal times, anyway."

"I like these pants," Kaylee said, pinching Simon's soft flannel pajama pants—hers now—between two fingers. "They're snuggly."

"I am wearing my own pants," Simon protested over his tea.

"Yeah, but they ain't zipped," Jayne said helpfully, reaching for a roll as Simon glanced down.

"Morning." Inara appeared in the doorway, already dressed, hair pulled up in a half-knot.

"Hey, 'Nara," Kaylee called. "Nice to have a civilized person at the table. The boys are embarrassin' poor Simon."

"Are they now?" Amused, Inara took her seat beside Jayne.

"What? No! I'm not embarrassed." Simon took another sip of tea. "I love discussing my sex life over breakfast. Really revs me up to start the day."

Kaylee giggled, held up a piece of toast to his mouth.

"Even in front of Jayne?"

Simon nibbled at her fingers instead of the bread.

"Especially in front of Jayne."

"You just watch yourself, Doctor," Jayne said, shaking his spoon in Simon's direction.

Kaylee laughed. Inara smiled into her tea cup. Mal rolled his eyes at the ceiling and counted to ten or so.

"Uh, folks? Fascinating as this conversation is, we do have some talkin' to do 'bout things not related to Kaylee and Simon's sexcapades, thrillin' though they might be. So can we get down to business?"

"And by business he means crime," Simon explained to Kaylee, who smiled and put her head on his shoulder.

"Captain, shouldn't we, uh, wait for Zoe?"

"Zoe'll be along in awhile, Kaylee. But I already been over the plan with her, so no harm in gettin' started. Now, as the good doctor helpfully supplied, we are indeed talkin' crime here. About time we do some again is my feelin' on it. Any takers for crime?"

The other four exchanged glances, raised their hands in accord.

"Swell. So, first thing's first: we need some funding. Repairs Serenity just had ain't cheap ones. Quickest way I see is to bring on passengers at Persephone. I figure we'll give the job of findin' folk to Kaylee and 'Nara, seein' as theys the most pleasant to look at, no offense boys."

Jayne groaned.

"Yeah, 'cuz the whole passengers thing worked out mighty fine the last time you tried it. Good plan, Cap'n."

"You know, Jayne, one o' the days I'm gonna ask for your opinion 'bout somethin'."

"Uh, really?"

"No."

"Alls I'm sayin' is they's been troublesome, Mal. The fatal kind if you know what I'm getting' at. Why's we'd be invitin' more of that kinda trouble on board is beyond my senses."

Mal lowered his coffee mug, turned slowly to look at Jayne.

"Don't you ever be speakin' that way again on my ship, Jayne." His tone was deathly calm. "You do, and you'll be spendin' some quality time in the airlock, you hear me?"

Jayne felt Simon's eyes on him and dropped his gaze to his plate.

"Uh, Captain?" Kaylee spoke up to cover the silence. "You know I think havin' new people is shiny and all. But bringin' on passengers won't help near enough, kinda financial troubles we're in."

"Well, you're right about that, Lil' Kaylee. We got a job lined up in Persephone, at least the beginnins' o' one, and the doc and I'll see to that soon as we get planetside."

"Excuse me?"

"You got a problem with that, Doctor?"

"Well, it's not that I don't like, ah, crime, and maybe if you didn't get shot or stabbed or tortured by madmen once a week I could devote more time to the family business, but as things stand just now—"

"Kaylee? A little help?"

Kaylee grinned and kissed Simon on the mouth, interrupting his tirade.

"Lesser of two evils," Mal explained to Inara. He reached for the last roll just as she did, and their fingers brushed. For a second, he flashed back to his dream. Her teeth were grazing his collar bone, one hand fisting in his hair while the other one slid down his body to….. He felt his face heat up and other parts twitch in remembrance.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, not quite meeting his eyes.

"No, take it."

"No, really. I have things. In my shuttle, I mean. To do," she finished awkwardly.

"Right. Of course. Best be gettin' to that."

The other three exchanged pointed glances.

"Why they actin' so polite? Not natural," Jayne muttered across the table.

" 'Cuz they're in love," Kaylee whispered back. "And they're too darn stubborn to do nothin' bout it." She smiled, watching.

"So I'll be in my shuttle then," Inara said, backing toward the door. "If you should need me for anything."

"Right. So if I need to find you then … you'll be there." Mal took a gulp of coffee so he'd have to close his mouth.

"What's for breakfast?"

Mal glanced up at River's entrance, a grateful diversion, and then kinda gaped when he caught sight of her. She stood in the doorway clad only in a blue button-down shirt, ridiculously oversized, clearly not her own. The fabric dipped down to about mid-thigh, leavin' little to the imagination. Mal quickly averted his gaze.

"Gorrammit, does everybody on this boat need help gettin' themselves dressed mornings?" Mal demanded.

"Uh, River…?" Simon hesitated as though not quite sure where he was going.

"What's that you're wearin', honey," Kaylee supplied helpfully.

River sat down beside Simon and reached over to nick his tea cup.

"The Captain's shirt," she said, sipping up the last dredges calmly.

For a moment, there was absolute silence. Everyone turned to Mal. Kaylee flicked a glance at Inara, still standing statue-like in the doorway. Her face looked frozen between horror and amusement. Also, Kaylee noticed, she was holdin' her breath.

"Whoa, now," Mal said after a beat. "Let's all just take a moment here, and—"

"River, did he touch you?" Simon interrupted, already imagining the satisfaction of hitting Mal square in the chin.

"Not overact or nothin'," Mal finished dryly.

"River?" Simon demanded.

River rolled her eyes.

"Doctor, I know you and I ain't always seen eye to eye 'bout, well most everythin' I imagine," Mal started, shooting River a thanks-a-bundle-for-the-help look from the corner of his eye. "But I can assure you with pretty certain certainty I ain't beddin' your little sister."

"Captain Reynolds and I are not having sexual intercourse, Simon," River said patiently, as though her brother were a little on the slow side.

Simon wished desperately to be out of this room, safe in his bed, anywhere else in fact. His sister—his sweet, barely-legal little sister—was sitting before him in nothing but a man's shirt. And she'd just used the word "intercourse."

"Much as I appreciate the name-clearin', sweetheart, maybe you could ask me in the future 'fore you take my clothes and parade 'em around to breakfast. That work for you?"

"Your shirt." River glanced down at her chest, as though she'd forgotten. "Want it back?" she asked, fingers reaching for the first button.

"No!" Mal and Simon spoke in unison.

"You just keep that 'til later, darlin'," Mal suggested.

"Wait." Simon held up a finger. "River, I'm still not sure why you're wearing Mal's shirt instead of your pretty nightgown…?"

"I'm practicing," she explained. "Be time soon."

Her tone sounded slow and deliberate, as though they were all boring her greatly. Which they likely were, Simon thought. While everyone else struggled through page one, River was finishing the book.

Inara took the opportunity to depart while the others were still puzzling out River's last statement.

"Uh, Doc?" Jayne offered. "I think your sister's gone to that crazy place again."

"River disagrees with that diagnosis," River commented. "But River, on the other hand, is in accord. Stark raving lunatic." She giggled at her own joke and examined the sleeves of her shirt.

"Well." Mal shook his head. "Now that we've cleared that up, can we get back to the crime? Now, first thing's first. I'm gonna need a smooth-talker to pull this one off. Seein' as we don't have one of them, I guess the job'll fall to Jayne."

"Oh, that'll go well," Simon muttered, still frowning at River across the table.

"Hey, why don't ya ask the good doctor?" Jayne smirked. "Judgin' by Kaylee, I'd say he's pretty good with his mouth."

"Jayne!" Kaylee threw the last roll at him.

"Ah, can they hear us?" Simon whispered in her ear.

"That's one, Jayne," Mal warned. "Three a day, tops, we don't wanna be cruel now."

"Aw c'mon Mal, I been holdin' back for two weeks. Didn't say nothing whens I's seen 'em in the cockpit—"

Mal held his hands up to cover his ears. "Hey, now. No details, please."

"No details 'bout what?"

They looked up to see Zoe enter the room. She'd taken pains to clean up some, but Kaylee could see the red in her eyes and figured the others did as well.

"Hey, Zoe, feel like some coffee, honey?"

"Wouldn't turn down a cup. So what you all talkin' bout?"

"Kaylee and Simon gettin' sexed," Jayne answered.

"Uh, no, we surely weren't," Mal said, rolling his eyes for what felt like the tenth time that morning.

Kaylee dropped her gaze guiltily to her lap. Realizing her positioning, she started to slide off Simon into the empty chair beside him.

"No!"

Kaylee froze, bottom halfway to the seat, at River's shouted protest.

"What is it, honey?"

"That's Wash's chair." River giggled, shrugged her shoulders helplessly. "He hates when you all sit on him." She laughed again, took the last roll from Jayne's plate, and flounced out of the room.

---

Stolen, breathy kisses on the bridge. Frantic, fast touching in the darkness. An implied second-base limitation, never implicitly stated but followed faithfully. Inara felt like they were in secondary school. They never planned these meetings. They just…happened. The first was two weeks after the funeral, when Serenity was flying again. Mal found her in her shuttle. For awhile, they bantered, danced around each other. Conversations with Mal typically wavered between entertaining and infuriating. This time was no different, and yet…. He was hurting, mourning the Shepard, mourning poor Wash, but trying to hide it.

"When did this become so gorram complicated? All I wanted was to fly my boat. Make a decent living, stay out of the Alliance's grips. Never wanted to be a gorram—"

"Hero," Inara finished softly.

"Oh, I'm surely no hero, Inara. Would think you'd be first to back me up there."

"No one wants to be a hero, Mal. It's not about want, it's about…right."

He laughed shortly.

"Wash mighta enjoyed it though, the whole hero business. Never liked the crime much as the rest of us. He was here now, bet he'd be askin' for a statue. Ever since Canton, he wanted a gorram statue…." He let his voice trail off.

Wanting to soothe him, soothe them both really, she kissed his forehead, one cheek then the other. He found her lips. That was the first time. The last was three days ago. It always began innocently enough. They talked about the ship, the crew. They laughed about Simon and Kaylee's none-too-subtle forays to various parts of the ship—what was wrong with their bunks, anyway?—remarked on River's continuing improvement, wondered how Zoe, so deeply stoical, was coping. And somehow, inevitably, he'd touch her cheek, draw a single finger down her throat. And she was lost.

She knew it was wrong, ill-fated, hopeless. She knew she couldn't stop. They'd make out like teenagers, straining against each other, never letting it go far enough to satisfy, never able to quit completely. It was exhausting, all this…secrecy. Hiding in the black, hiding from the others. And yet, what choice did they have? They were—both of them—who they were. Sighing, Inara sunk back on the sofa, waiting to hear River—always River, now—announce their descent into Persephone. Mal planned to take on passengers there. That, at least, should make for an interesting couple of weeks. She hadn't slept a great deal the night before; maybe she'd take a quick nap before landing. She closed her eyes and hoped not to dream.

---

TBC in Part 2


	2. Chapter 2

Bedlam Part 2

By Kaynara

It's Joss's 'verse—I just borrow it.

Please comment!

---

A barefoot River slipped silently, stealthily into Jayne's bunk. The room was empty, but then she'd known it would be. Without making a sound, she slipped out of her dress, folding it neatly on Jayne's dust-covered chair: his one piece of furniture aside from the narrow bed. In a stack of laundry, she found one of his t-shirts, a soft gray with frayed sleeves. When she pulled it over her head, the hem fell nearly to her knees. Pleased, she wrapped her arms around herself and, lying back on the bed, let her eyes drift closed in contentment. Very comfortable. Cozy, River decided. She flopped on her side to count his guns like sheep until she fell into a restful sleep, curled like a ball on his bed.

"Just get the gorram mule ready, Jayne."

At the sound of Mal's voice in the hallway, River eyes sprung open. She rolled over in time to see Jayne enter the room, stumble back against the wall in fright.

"Gorramit, girl. What the devil you doin' in my bed?"

"Scared you." She sounded pleased.

"Damn right, I'm scared. Scared Mal and that no-good doctor-brother of yours gonna find you in my gorram bed, little psycho."

River rose to her knees in the center of his bed. Jayne watched the fabric of her shirt—his shirt, gorramit!—rise as she stretched. He darted a quick glance toward the door, took a step away from her.

"Not foolin', girl. Get your ass outta my bunk…and my shirt. You tryin' to get me dead, little witch?"

"Just practicing. Good sleep, very deep. I like your bed, Jayne Cobb."

"Yeah…well, I like all my parts where'n they are so get outta my comfy bed 'fore the cap'n cuts em' off."

"Jayne's got man parts." River smiled. "Strangers coming today. Not so strange, though. One boy, one girl."

"Jayne?" Mal's voice echoed from the hall. "I got no time and about as little patience for whatever you're doin' in there."

"Comin', Mal." Jayne turned to River, panic rising in his eyes. "Girl, quit that crazy babblin' and get back in your dress!" he said, teeth narrowed.

"Jayne!"

He turned from Mal's voice to the crazy girl, still grinning like a loon from the center of his bed.

"You just better be outta here when I get back," Jayne warned in a whisper and, muttering to himself about witches and crazies, went to join Mal in the cargo bay.

---

Inara dreamed of a garden, sweet and secluded. She lay on the wet grass, staring up at a canopy of flowers, waiting for him. The air felt cool against her skin, fragrant with the scent of autumn flora. It wasn't a functional garden like the one Book described from his abbey. This one existed, quite simply, to be beautiful. She waited for Mal in the rain, let it dot her hair, melt against her eyelashes. Somehow things would be right now. When he arrived—when he came to her—they could be together. She saw him from a great distance, and suddenly he was beside her. He was older but not old, lines running like tears from the corners of his eyes, wisps of gray staining the hair above his ears. She wasn't old—somehow she'd escaped from time. And Mal had escaped from her. He'd gone on without her while she'd gone…nowhere. But now he was back. He spoke her name into her hair. "Inara. Nara." She hurried to unbutton his jacket—still that awful, wonderful brown jacket—and spread her hands over his chest. He tilted her head back, exposing her neck to his lips. She heard the crunch of leaves beneath their backs, felt the warm rain soak her hair, his rough hands stroke under her shirt. She didn't see the shooter until it was too late. And suddenly he was shot, dying in her arms. She cradled his head in her lap, felt his blood on her hands, sought out the bullet wound with her fingers. She put her lips to his face, pressing them into the curve of his neck. He wasn't old enough to die. And yet, she was losing him all the same. She felt all of it—the garden, the years, Mal—ebb away from her until she was alone in the rain and the silence.

Inara woke on a scream.

---

Mal lingered in the hallway outside Inara's shuttle, mentally compiling a list of reasons why entering would qualify as a bad idea. So far, he and Inara tended to obey an unspoken rule—The Law of Public Places. The bridge, the kitchen: these areas had a kind of safety to them. A keep-your-clothes-on-and-the-lights-out sort of safety. The security of darkness and no privacy whatsoever. At any moment, Jayne could show up, seeking a late-night snack. River might wander in, rambling about cows or Christianity or whatever else that girl had on her mind. Kaylee and Simon could appear, looking for…well, the pair of them were only looking for one thing of late. Still, Inara's shuttle would be different…dangerous. For one thing, she had a bed. A big soft bed, designed to placate, to soothe. Designed to entice. Beds, Mal knew, were troublesome. And further to the point, she had a door, which he was gettin' to know up close and person, as he'd been starin' at it goin' on five minutes. Doors meant barriers, roadblocks to those grateful interruptions that pursued him and Inara all over Serenity. Doors—her door in particular—meant there'd be nothing to stop him from dragging her zipper down the back of her dress, nothing to prevent him from slipping the rich material off her perfect shoulders, tugging it down to her waist and baring the flawless skin beneath it. If he ever saw what was under her dress, Mal knew he'd lose it. Yep, definitely right 'bout this bein' a bad idea. He turned to leave. And then he heard her scream.

---

He found her in bed, shaking. Her cheeks were wet.

"Inara." He sat beside her and felt her curl into him, press trustingly against his chest in a way she never did during her more mindful hours. His stomach dropped.

"I-I'm fine, Mal," she managed after a moment, her breath catching after a last hiccupped sob. "Really. The lamp—can you get it?" She tried to keep her voice level. She had to see his face, touch the smooth skin to know he was real, here and hers, not the Mal in the garden: the one she'd already lost.

Lights and lingerie? Definitely a bad idea.

"Let's leave it off, kinda peaceful-like in the dark," he said, smoothing the silken fabric across her back as he rubbed small circles over her skin. "Just take some deep breaths, now."

His hands disarmed, warm on her back, big and protective as a lover's. Except he wasn't her lover.

"I'm not having a baby, Mal. I don't need to breathe deep."

He dropped the hand that was doing the rubbing, leaned over and flicked on her bedside lamp.

She blinked in the brightness. When she could see, she studied his face, relieved to view the familiar lines, nothing new. Her panic subsiding, she noted the annoyance—also nothing new—and something else, pain perhaps, flicker in his eyes. And at once, she realized how she must look: open, vulnerable, her face more exposed than her body was in the dipping nightgown she'd worn to bed. Quickly, she dropped her gaze to the bedspread.

"Mal." She used her thumb to dab under her eyes, pushed her hair out of her face. "I'm sorry. It was just a dream. Really, I'm fine now."

For a moment she thought he'd protest. Then he stood, slapped his hands on his thighs.

"Glad to hear it," he said, not quite meeting her eyes. He moved toward the door without turning. "You get some rest then. Be landin' in a few hours, and you and Kaylee gotta pick us up some shiny new passengers. Do me a favor and avoid uppity-lookin' doctors with big boxes."

---

"You scare her again?"

Outside the entrance to Inara's shuttle, Mal started at the sound of Kaylee's voice, close behind him.

"Shen sheng….Anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on folk that way?"

"You and Nara…you're kinda like Belle and the Beast," she mused, skipping past him on her way to the engine room.

For a moment he was silent. Then, "I'm the Beast!"

"You gotta ease her into bein' comfy 'round you…you gotta be gentle with her."

"You know, Kaylee, I don't remember askin' your advice on the whole Inara situation…not that there is a situation, mind you. Further to the point, I don't much care…if she's comfy…"

Oh, ta me de…. Hell, she probably knew. His whole gorram crew likely knew. When was he ever the first one to know anything that happened 'round here—and on his own boat, gorramit! Sneakin' around like a gorram teenager on his own ship. Last week had been close, too close. Kaylee was probably right 'bout Inara bein' a little on the skittish side around him now. Hell, that night shook him up plenty too….

"Mal. Mal!" Inara giggled in the dark, her body shaking against his. She didn't laugh like that often. She didn't laugh for him often. She'd gasped in a quick breath when he first pulled her into the cockpit, then tugged her down, spontaneously, a little hesitant-like, on his lap in the captain's seat. She sat there now, her hair falling forward to tickle his face. But she'd recovered quickly, and they were now appreciating the empty space, the dark quiet of Serenity in sleep. He reached up a hand to cup her face, tracing her cheekbones. He moved his fingers down her throat, and she stopped laughing.

"Mal—"

And then he was kissing her, his hands sliding possessively up her body, her nails raking his back beneath his shirt. Which one of them, he wondered as her mouth went around his earlobe and he groaned into her neck, would break the second-base rule first?

And then he heard footsteps, followed quickly by a high-pitched giggle. Inara went limp against his chest. She let Mal pull her down behind the seat till they were lying on the ground, hidden from sight.

"Simon!" Kaylee hooted a laugh as she entered the cockpit. "If you do that, then I'm gonna do this!" They heard Simon hiss in a quick breath. "And if I do that, this is gonna be over 'fore it starts."

"Oh, tian sha de somebody shoot me," Mal muttered.

"Shh," Inara chided, biting her lip in an effort not to laugh.

"Captain would skin me if he knew what we was doin' in here," Kaylee said, giggling.

"Is it just me or does Mal have some kind of sexual phobia?" Simon asked.

"Oh, I am so gonna kill that—" Mal felt Inara's hand press against his mouth.

"Nah, Cap'n likes sex well enough. Just sorta particular about people doin' it—and talkin' 'bout it—on his boat. Always says shipboard relations is nothin' but trouble."

" 'Cuz they are!" Mal muttered. He glanced at Inara who raised her eyebrows. For a moment they held eye contact, dangerously close to self-awareness.

"Well, if you ask me, the Captain needs to get—"

"Simon!" Kaylee laughed again, and Mal heard the distinctive sound of a zipper lowering, another quick intake of breath. He grabbed Inara's hands, using them to cover his ears. "Your ma know you use that kinda language?"

"Perhaps we should stop talking about Mal, and my mother for that matter, and focus on more…pressing concerns."

"Ohh." Kaylee made a soft sound. For several moments they heard nothing but the sound of lips brushing in the darkness. Then there was a crash. Mal had stuck his head up in time to see his mechanic and his medic pressed against the control pad, making God-only-knows-what changes to their navigational track….

"I know!" Kaylee said, jetting Mal out of his reverie and back to the present. "You should get her a gift when you're on Persephone!"

"…don't know where you got the idea 'bout my carin' if she's comfy or not…a gift?"

"Don't worry, Captain. We'll think up somethin' real nice for you to get her."

"Mm, I'll just bet we will." Mal cleared his throat, pulled her to a stop outside the engine room. "Hey, uh, how's things goin' with Lover Boy?"

Kaylee opened her mouth.

He held up his hands in protest.

"I don't want none of the gory details now."

She smiled, softly. "Things goin' just fine."

"Well, you just tell me if the doc steps outta line."

"Simon wouldn't ever do nothin' to hurt me, Cap'n."

"No. No, I don't 'spect the boy would."

Kaylee leaned forward and kissed Mal's cheek.

"You're a big sweetie, Captain."

Mal snorted a laugh. "Yeah." He cleared his throat: this was getting habitual. "You're a big girl now, Lil' Kaylee. Don't need to call me 'Captain,' ya know. I just make Jayne 'cuz it's funny." He grinned.

"And you don't gotta call me 'Lil' Kaylee.' But I 'spect we both likes it that a'way."

"Well, I 'spose you best get to work in there," Mal said after a beat. "Be landin' pretty soon. Where's that no good beau of yours?"

"Simon? Dunno, Cap'n. Haven't seen him since breakfast."

"Really, now? Thought the pair of you was joined at the hip of late.

Kaylee grinned, flushed a little.

"Not the hip, exactly," she said, stifling a giggle.

"I don't wanna hear this!" Mal said quickly, backing away.

"You know, think Zoe was lookin' for Simon earlier," Kaylee called after Mal's retreating form. "Said she wanted to see him 'bout somethin'."

"Zoe, huh."

---

River found Zoe waiting in the infirmary.

"Hi, Zoe. You're looking for Simon."

Zoe raised a brow.

"That a psychic observation, honey?"

"No." River smiled. "Ran into Kaylee."

Zoe laughed.

"Any idea where that brother of yours is hidin'?"

"He'll be here soon. Don't need him though." River smiled generously. "Baby girl's healthy. Ten fingers, ten toes."

Zoe widened her eyes, surprised. She hadn't told anyone about the baby, cradling the knowledge inside her, clinging to it like a lifeline. The final secret: hers and Wash's. Mal was right; the girl, Zoe admitted, was a reader.

"River—"

"She'll look like you. Don't be sad though. Wash wants it that way. She'll have his smile, and his laugh. Make people smile like he did." River laughed to herself, as though watching something play, exclusively for her pleasure, inside her head.

"He tells you all this, River?" Zoe asked when she could speak again.

"He tells me lots of things. Tells me 'bout Simon and Kaylee. They make him laugh. Glad they're enjoying each other—way it should be, he says, way it used to be with him and you. Love, sex. Good things. Tells me 'bout Mal and Inara. Wants to fix 'em but doesn't know how. And Zoe. Always talks about his Zoe."

"Why don't he talk to me, tell me these things? He's my husband! Dammit, Wash, why won't you talk to me?"

River frowned, puzzled.

"Says he talks to you all the time. Says you never answer."

River reached out a hand to cover Zoe's still-flat stomach.

"It's too early, honey," Zoe said. The outburst over, her voice sounded flat again, dead even to her own ears. "Can't feel it kickin' yet." Feel her, she corrected herself with amusement, only half-believing River's psychic sex test.

"No. She's sleeping." River bent her head to listen to the baby. "He's excited to see her. Can't wait hardly. Makes him sad too, though. Once she comes…."

"What?" Zoe touched the girl's hand, still covering her abdomen. "What happens when it…when she comes?"

"He can't stay around after the baby's born. Gotta go home." River smiled, rose to her feet. "In the end, everybody goes home."

"River—"

"Places to be."

River danced gracefully down the hall, leaving Zoe alone in the infirmary.

---

"Doctor? You in here? I seem to have a psychic growin' outta my—oh, hey, Zoe." Mal came up short at the entrance to the infirmary. Zoe sat on the exam table, brow bent toward Simon's as the two talked quietly.

"Captain," Zoe nodded at him, her expression turning quizzical as she peered behind him.

Mal cleared his throat.

"As you can see, we got something of a situation here." He gestured down to River, arms locked around his waist, head poking out from behind his back.

"River." Simon came around, trying to unwind her arms. "Mei-mei, stop that. Really, you're making me ill."

River rolled her eyes and released Mal, hopped up on the table beside Zoe, who casually slid down to the floor.

"You're too young for crushes, little girl," Mal said, tapping her nose. "Also: far…too…cute. Gonna have trouble with this one, Doc."

"Now I'm really going to be sick," Simon commented.

"I'm not in love with the captain, Simon," River said patiently. She rolled her eyes at Zoe, as though she were in on the joke. Silly boys, she mouthed.

"Thank God," Simon said, rummaging through some drawers.

"Yeah, thank the Lord," Mal repeated. Then, deciding he was offended, "Hey, why ain't she in love with me? I'm pretty cute, wouldn't ya say?" He directed the question to Kaylee, who'd just entered the room.

"As a shiny new puppy," she said, putting her arm around River's shoulders. "C'mon, honey. Let's get you dressed—gonna be hot and sticky on Persephone. Gotta get you outta—honey, what's that you're wearin'?"

River glanced down at the t-shirt grazing her knees.

"Irrelevant," she murmured.

"Seriously, River. Whose shirt is that?" Simon asked. He slipped a pill bottle into Zoe's hand when no one was watching. Subtly, she pocketed the medication. "You should go with Kaylee," he advised, shooting Mal a dirty look for good measure.

"Can't go with Kaylee. Comin' with you and the Captain."

"On the job? Oh, no, I'm fairly sure she ain't," Mal said, addressing the remark to Simon. Then, turning to River, "You gotta stay an' babysit my boat, lil' albatross. Help Kaylee and Inara find some passengers. Lord knows what sorta freaks they'd pick up on their owns." He grinned at Simon.

"You'll need me." River's voice rose. "I have to go!"

"River—" Simon started.

And suddenly she was calm again.

"Time to get River dressed." She grabbed Kaylee's wrist. "Gotta look shiny for the sun."

Don't worry, Kaylee mouthed to Simon, and let River lead her out of the room.

"Well, that was rousing." Mal folded his arms. "Still, she seems better. I'm no doctor, but she didn't throw nothin', seems better to me."

"Yeah." Simon stared after the spot where Kaylee and River had disappeared around the corner. "Better."

"Well, best be getin' dressed, Doc. Try not to look too…spiffy. Zoe, think Jayne, the doctor and I can handle this one on our own. You mind keepin' an eye on my ship…and the little witch?"

"Fine, Captain," she said, eyes expressionless, and made for the door.

"Zoe." Mal lowered his voice, moved closer to her in the entryway. "Everything shiny with you…medically speaking?"

"Fine, Captain." Her eyes drifted to Simon, her palm cupping the bottle of vitamins she'd slid in her pocket. "Just fine."

---

They arrived on Persephone in time for summer. Feeling silly, Kaylee had traded her jumpsuit for a sweet little sundress. She sat in front of Serenity, letting her pale legs drink up the sun, while Inara braided her hair in pigtails.

"Ladies." Mal nodded at them as he loaded up the mule. "Try not to look too cute over there. Don't want the local boys thinkin' my boat's a floating bordello."

"And Captain Reynolds, our very own Madame with a heart of gold." Simon appeared behind him.

Mal eyed the doctor suspiciously while the girls giggled. In place of his usual fancy dress, Simon had found some sensible pants and—oh, God—was that a t-shirt? Pleased with the boy, Mal slapped his shoulder.

"C'mon, Doctor, you've got patients awaitin'. Ladies—if you get a spare second 'tween all the sun-bathin' and hair-curlin', try to pick us up a couple o' tourists. 'Void the medical men—no offense, son, don't think you could use the competition. A cook'd be mighty fine though, mighty fine indeed." He strode toward the mule, where Jayne was already seated.

"Don't burn, sweetheart," Simon said, brushing a quick kiss over Kaylee's temple before hurrying after the captain. A bit reluctantly, he climbed on to the mule next to Jayne, who shifted uncomfortably to his right.

Inara looked at Kaylee, who was blushing a little. The two made 'aw' faces.

"Sweetheart," they mouthed together. "Aw."

---

"Glad you're helpin' out this time, Nara." Kaylee finished coating Inara's toes with glistening gold polish. The two girls sat face to face in matching lawn chairs, feet spread over each other's laps. "Bet you can use your companiony wiles to attract hordes of folk to Serenity. And now, I won't be the only one hearin' 'bout it when Mal can't stand whoever we pick."

"Oh, thanks!" Inara smiled, painting Kaylee's toenails with Passion-pink. "Simon's going to love this," she assured Kaylee. "And as for my companiony wiles, I think they may be on the fritz. We haven't had a prospect for nearly an hour. Perhaps we should try to recruit more actively."

Kaylee shrugged and sipped her drink.

"Cap'n always says Serenity sells herself. Don't need to convince no one of nothing, they can't see it on their own."

"He says that, does he?"

Inara glanced behind them at the large, somewhat-misshapen structure parked in the dirt. She met Kaylee's eyes.

"You know I love Serenity, Kaylee…but a little smooth-talking never hurts. And what Mal doesn't know…well, that won't hurt him either."

Shading her eyes with one hand, Kaylee scanned the crowd. "Ooh, how 'bout him?"

"The boy in the suit? He looks so young."

"He reminds me a little of Simon when he first came to us. Seems…sweet."

"Sweet, huh? Trying to make a certain doctor jealous?"

"Naw, he just looks…lost. Like he could use us."

"I don't know, sweetie. Notice the man speaking to him."

Through the unrelenting sun, Kaylee's eyes narrowed in on a smallish man in a suit and hat, eating what looked to be a peeled apple.

"Is that…?"

"I don't like him."

Surprised, Kaylee and Inara turned to see River lingering at the entrance of the ship.

"Cheeky little man…liar..cheat. No good."

"That's Badger alright, honey." Kaylee patted the arm of her chair for River to sit. But River just shook her head, stared fixedly at Badger and the boy.

"Don't worry, dear," Inara assured, stroking River's arm. "I can't see Mal taking that lunatic on as a passenger."

"Well, that settles it, Nara. We can't let Badger hoodwink some innocent kid. I'm gonna go get us a new recruit." Sliding her freshly-painted toes into her worn sandals, Kaylee strolled right over and stuck out her hand.

"Hi," Inara heard her say, face sunny as the bright Persephone sky. "I'm Kaylee."

River shook her head, rubbed her hands up and down her arms.

"No good will come of this."

Inara smiled sympathetically, stood and put an arm around the girl.

"That's a bit dramatic."

River looked at her and laughed.

"Places to be," she said brightly and skipped back inside Serenity.

Inara shook her head, settled back down in her lawn chair. She closed her eyes, let the long-absent sun warm her face and hair. What was she doing here? A favor to Mal, she told herself. Help Kaylee find passengers. Silly. Inane. Kaylee, sweet, delightful Kaylee, could tame a shark. Even without companion training, the girl had no trouble filling the passenger dorms. Still, it was easier to claim innocence, dub it a favor to Mal instead of admitting the truth. Sometime, in the midst of the Miranda, the alliance, Wash…somewhere, somehow, Inara had become totally and completely one of Mal's crew. Why else was she sitting here in the sun, watching Kaylee chat up prospective passengers when she should be servicing clients? When had she made the choice to be crew instead of companion? She hadn't made that choice; she'd let it be made for her. She let Mal hand her out an assignment, waved goodbye as he headed out to do crime with the boys, stayed behind with Kaylee, laughing, playing. She watched Kaylee throw back her head, slide a friendly arm through the boy's and amble him back towards the ship. So easy to do this, be this. And yet, utterly impossible. Inara knew this wasn't her. She was—had always been—wholly independent, reliant on know one save herself. She knew that would never—could never—change. Closing her eyes, she let herself enjoy the sun for a few more blissful moments. And then she felt the shadow cross her face. She opened her eyes to find bottomless green ones gazing down at her.

"Hello," Inara said.

"Hi," the girl replied. Her smile was soft, almost embarrassed. "Maybe you can help me."

"Perhaps. What are you looking for?"

The girl glanced up at Serenity, taking all of her in before returning her gaze to Inara.

"A ride," she said simply.

---

"Excellent plan, Captain. How do you come up with these brilliant capers time and again? I'm so fortunate you've decided to take me under your wing and teach me the secrets to your stunning success."

"You know, Doc, I could use a little less of the ironical just now and a little more of the shut the hell up!" Mal eyed the walls of the room they'd locked themselves in when the shooting started. Yep, they were trapped all right. Shiny. "You know, coulda been a lot worse. We did get the cargo." He gestured to the case Jayne was clutching.

"True enough. Our friendly criminal contacts handed over the cargo without much of a fuss. Then the nice men they stole it from came by to shoot at us."

"Well, how was I 'sposed to know they stole it from other folk!" Mal was starting to get ticked.

"Gee, I don't know. Because they're thieves? Because you're a thief? Because everyone you associate with is a rutting—"

"You know, I've had just about enough of your mouth, Doctor! So why don't you—"

"River!"

"Wait, what?" Mal whirled around to see River, standing in one of Kaylee's dresses, not a hair out of place, in the middle of the abandoned storage room.

He looked at Jayne.

"How in the shiny 'verse did she…?" His eyes drifted down to the trapdoor, lying open at her feet.

"Huh."

"River, what are you doing here? You were supposed to stay on the ship, mei mei."

"Gotta move fast," River said. "Gotta get outside, back to the mule."

"Might good of you to come rescue us, little albatross, and later we're gonna have a nice chat about obeying orders from your captain. But right now theres about eight armed men out there, and they don't seem like the forgiving sort."

"It's okay, Captain." River smiled as though they were silly for fretting overmuch and mussed her brother's hair. "Wash is going to help us."

---

"Take out the one by the tree," River said, voice low. They'd snuck out through the trapdoor and were creeping around the side of the warehouse. "He's blind in his right eye, won't see you coming. Then we go for the mule. Wash will tell us when." River smiled serenely.

"You sure about this, darlin'?" Mal asked. "You sure that Wash is, uh, watchin'?"

"You ask me, we shouldn't be listenin' to no second-hand advice from a ghost to a crazy," Jayne hissed.

Mal looked at Simon who shrugged, slipped his hand over River's wrist, ready to move.

"We move on River's cue," Mal decided. Wash, buddy, wherever you are, I surely hope you're paying attention.

"Now!" River whispered.

Mal stood and fired.

When they reached the front of the building, Mal heaved River up to Simon, climbed on the mule and told Jayne to go. He reached for the 'com.

"Wa—" Mal cut himself off before he finished saying the name. He closed his eyes for a second, swore under his breath. "Hello? Anybody there? Zoe? Kaylee? Serenity? Ai ya…."

"Hi, Mal."

"Inara?"

"Yes."

She sounded weary. Knowing Kaylee would be disappointed in him, he pushed her anyway.

"I'm guessin' everybody else jumped ship, they left you in charge."

"You're hysterical, Mal."

He loved when she was sarcastic.

"I know, but its nice hearin' ya say it. Listen, we're leavin' the world soon as the mule gets back." He glanced behind him. "Gotta be better than slow."

"Leaving a planet in a hurry. How unusual."

Mal raised his gun hand to fire at the men following them.

"Well, you know how easy-like I make friends," Mal said. He ducked as they fired back, shoving Simon and River down with him.

"You're quite the people-person," Inara said. "Mal, wait. River. She's missing. I think she wandered off when we were meeting the new—"

"'Sokay, little albatross is with us. Just make sure the tourists is settled in and have Kaylee fire her up. All the hell aboard." He disconnected, and Inara ran to find Kaylee.

---

TBC in Part 3.


	3. Chapter 3

Mal leaned back in his seat, pleased to see his baby leaving atmo, ascending into the darkness. Man might like the feel of good, artifical earth beneath his boots every so often, but this, the black, was his only true home. He turned to his co-pilot, who'd just saved all their asses by showing up at that warehouse. He opened his mouth, prepared to lecture.

"Mal, you're shot!" Simon's hands went to the side of Mal's leg, peeling apart the shredded fabric of his pants. "Are you just immune to it now? Do you not even feel the bullets?"

"Why's your big brother feelin' me up?" Mal asked River, who smiled. He liked when she got his jokes. It felt…progressive.

"Alright, lil albatross. Looks like you're off the hook for now—don't you go leavin' the ship without permission an' savin' us all again, though." Mal stood, wincing as the adrenaline faded and his leg started to throb. "Comin', Doc. Let's see what top three percent can do with a weave."

---

"This is very kind of you." Cora sipped Inara's tea from one of her china cups. "I do appreciate the hospitality—and the ride."

"Please. It's not every day I meet another registered companion…especially out here." Inara looked away for a second, as though recalling something long absent. She touched Cora's hand. "I don't miss the Guild House very often, but I do miss the company of the women."

"But I'm not a companion anymore, Inara. I told you, I gave it up."

"You retired from a job. It's still a part of who you are." She smiled but it was sad, wistful. "A part that never completely fades."

"And yet you're here…you stay with them, on this ship," Cora said.

"Serenity has become home." Inara sipped her tea. "It's…complicated."

"There are always complications. But thanks to you, my journey home will be considerably simpler," Cora said, neatly changing the subject. "Of all the people on Persephone, I must be very lucky to have found you."

"We're delighted to have you."

"And the boy? Where has he…?"

"Kaylee assures me he's settled in the passenger dorms. I can take you to your room now if you'd like," Inara offered, finishing her tea.

"I'd appreciate it. Is it possible to meet the captain first?"

"Mal? Yes, of course. I can't guarantee his mood, as things exactly run as scheduled on Persephone. A business deal gone wrong," she added quickly at Cora's look of confusion.

---

Simon flipped on the light and gestured for Mal to precede him into the infirmary.

"Alright, let's have a look." Simon grinned. "Hop up on the table."

"You're enjoyin' this a little too much, Doctor." But Mal lay back on the exam table, folding his arms behind his head.

"This doesn't look too bad. The bullet doesn't appear to be lodged in the leg. I'd say it just grazed you."

"Shiny. So sew me up, what you waitin' for?"

"Mainly, for you to take off your pants," Simon said, rummaging through a drawer.

"Normally, you'd have to buy me dinner first," Mal said, but reached for his belt buckle.

"What're you guys doin' in here?" Kaylee entered the room, munching on an apple. "Oh, no, you hurt, Cap'n?"

"I 'spect I'll live." Mal winced, watching Simon thread a needle.

"Metal tearing through flesh. Unpleasant."

Simon and Mal looked up as River stepped inside, took a seat on the spare bed beside Kaylee.

"Deng yi miao, does the whole crew need to be here for this?" Mal protested.

"Not like its anything we ain't seen before, Cap'n." Kaylee gestured to his pantsless lower body and took a bite of her apple.

"I haven't," River said sweetly. "Nice underwear."

Simon looked disgusted.

"Kaylee, maybe you could…." He motioned for her to take River out of the infirmary.

"I'm very cozy here," River said, slumping her shoulders back against the wall.

"Glad to hear it," Mal said dryly.

"Ooh, that looks all kinds o' ouch." Kaylee made a face. "Want me to hold your hand, Cap'n?"

"I don't need anyone to hold my—ouch! Ai ya, what the hell you doin' to me, Doc?"

"Sorry," Simon said, spraying more of the stinging substance on Mal's thigh. "You seem to have some dirt in the wound."

"I like the dirt, the dirt felt good—ow!"

"Don't be a baby, Cap'n." Kaylee came over to rub his shoulder. River giggled.

"I'm not bein' a—"

"Mal?" Inara's voice sounded from the hallway, a short distance away.

"In here, Nara!" Kaylee called cheerily.

Mal turned to glare at her, gestured to his lack of pants.

"Kaylee," he said, half incredulous. "Don't you think I got enough of an audience here?"

"Just tryin' to help, Cap'n." She exchanged glances with Simon, who grinned at her adoringly.

"Keep helpin' me, and I'm gonna—ow!"

"Hello, Mal." Inara took in the situation, Mal half-dressed on the exam table, Simon bent over him with a needle, Kaylee and River watching on with various degrees of amusement and revulsion. "Oh, I didn't realize you were…indisposed."

"That's one way lookin' at it." Mal glared at Simon. "Another's to say I'm bein' poked at with a big damn needle."

"It's actually fairly small," Simon said, holding it up for Inara to see.

"I-I'm sorry, I just thought you'd like to meet the new faces." Inara met his eyes. "We'll come back later…."

"Inara, is it alright if I get some water from the kitchen…?" The girl appeared in the doorway so quickly Inara almost backed into her. "Oh, I'm sorry. This is a bad time. I—"

And then she froze, her eyes on Mal.

"I'm sorry," Inara said, misunderstanding. "Cora, this is Captain Reynolds. Mal, this is our new recruit, C—"

"Cora." He forgot the needle in his thigh, forgot that he was in his underwear. She was all he could see.

"Malcom."

---

She stepped forward, clearly as entranced as he.

"Malcom Reynolds." She said it as though she didn't quite believe it.

With his eyes, he traced her features: those unnaturally green eyes, wide and bottomless, her hair, still as blonde as he remembered, but shorter now, choppy and to her shoulders. He reached out a hand, wanting fiercely to touch her, see if she was really real. So far away, so long gone. Then he remembered where he was, who was watching, and let his hand fall to his side.

"Cora McAllister. What in the great green 'verse you doin' on my boat?"

"I can't believe its really you. The last time I saw you was the night we…the night before…." She trailed off, noticing the several sets of interested eyes drilling into her back. "It's been a long time, Malcom."

Malcom, Simon mouthed to Kaylee who grinned.

"So how do you two know each other," she piped up, never one for subtlety.

"Well, we, um…." Cora started.

Mal spoke at the same time.

"See, we, uh—"

"Mal, I'm hungry," Jayne's voice whined from the hallway. "Where the new recruits hidin'? Any of 'em big busty—hell-o." He stopped short in the doorway, seeing Cora in the center of the floor.

"Hi." Cora smiled faintly, clearly a bit flustered by all the attention.

"And just who might you be?" Jayne asked.

"Cap'n was just about to tell us that," Kaylee said, grinning. "So…?"

Mal caught Inara's gaze for a second. She looked away quickly. He found himself stumbling over the words.

"Cora an' I, uh, back on Shadow, wheres I'm from, 'fore the war, we were, guess you could say..."

"Sweeties," Cora finished, shrugged her shoulders. "I guess you could say."

"You and Mal?" Jayne looked torn between amusement and disappointment.

"This Malcom Reynolds?" Simon couldn't resist.

"It was a long while ago," Mal said, eyes on Inara. Her face was expressionless.

"A different time," Cora added, studying the man before her, a man she didn't quite recognize as the boy she'd known. "We were very young…."

"She was his first," River said matter-of-factly. "Deflowered him."

For a moment, everyone was uncharacteristically silent. Mal closed his eyes, wishing the exam table would swallow him up, pull him down into the floorboards. Then he remembered he was still in his undershorts.

It was Cora who broke the silence, laughing a little.

"Well, he was my first too," she said, not quite believing she was discussing this, her first day on board, discussing it with Malcom's crew. Malcom—a captain? Incredible. "As I said, we were very young."

"How was he?" Jayne asked, and Kaylee swatted his shoulder.

"Nervous," River said, smiling. Her eyes drifted shut, her body swaying slightly on the bed. "Fast."

Jayne edged away from her, an unsettled look on his face, but the others laughed.

"River's sort of our resident psychic," Mal explained, hoping fervently that he wasn't turning red. "She, uh, reads people sometimes, not always when they want her to—gonna have to work on that, lil albatross."

River stuck out her tongue.

"Now, glad as I am to have you aboard, Cora, I'd be mighty appreciative if you could give me a few minutes to get cleaned up here. Had a sorta mishap back on Persephone. Inara, maybe you could show Cora to her room, let the doctor earn his keep here?"

Inara seemed to snap back to reality.

"Y-yes, of course." She turned to Cora, not quite believing the reality of the situation yet. "Why don't you come with me, dear?"

"Alright." Cora took a step forward, touched Mal's hand on the table. "It's good to see you, Malcom. I look forward to catching up."

"Right. Catchin' up. Soon as I get stitched here, we'll be sure to do that." After I put on some gorram pants. And kill a few members o' my crew.

"Goodbye, Malcom."

"Goodbye, Malcom," Jayne echoed as soon as Inara and Cora were out of earshot. "Gorammit, Mal, why's it you always get hot womanfolk on this ship, followin' you about with the cow eyes? First Saffron, and now this little thing." He made a sound like a growl, and River rolled her eyes.

"Saffron? Yosafbridge? You forgettin' the part where she drugged me unconscious in my bunk and let us all for dead?"

"Least you got to see her unmentionables first," Jayne muttered, still annoyed.

"I thought we were gonna let the doctor work in peace," Simon said, but no one was paying attention.

"How old were ya then?" Kaylee was asking, eyes curious.

"How old was I when?" Mal asked, still glaring at Jayne.

"When Cora deflowered you," she explained, rolling her eyes as though he should have known.

Mal groaned and lay back on the table.

"Pardon me, but I am trying to sew here," Simon interjected. "Tends to go better if the patient moves less."

"The patient's 'bout to jump out the airlock," Mal said snappily.

"Naw, Cap'n, I think it's sweet," Kaylee protested.

"Yeah, Mal, it's sweet," Jayne offered, then turned to River. "You did say he was fast, right?"

"Didn't take long," River confirmed, and Jayne laughed.

"I'll thank you not to discuss sex with my little sister," Simon said, not lifting his head from his needlework.

"I didn't do nothin'!" Jayne said loudly. He took a step away from River and folded his arms. "She's the one fishin' in people's brains, I didn't do nothin'."

River suddenly laughed, swatted the air beside her.

"Wash! He's so funny," she explained to the others, giggling. "Says he always knew Mal let some farm girl make him a man in a big stack of hay. That's not right though. They hid in the woods, hid from her daddy." Her eyes held that far-away look she got sometimes. "It was raining that day. Her shirt stuck to her skin."

River glanced up to find everyone looking at her.

"What?" she asked innocently.

---

"Kids." Mal entered the dining area, nodding at Kaylee, Simon, River and Jayne, who were already seated around the table. They turned curiously silent at his entrance, giving him the distinct and uncomfortable impression they were talking 'bout him. Again. "We're all gonna keep a civil tongue at the dinner table this evenin', ya hear? Not gonna have any more talk 'bout my speediness or nervyness or how gorram cute I was gettin' deflowered back on Shadow," he said, looking at Kaylee for the last. He shook his head. "Where's the other new recruit? Said there was a boy, didn't ya? Be nice to talk to the one person on this boat ain't seen me with my trousers down."

"Captain." Inara stepped into the room, her skirts sweeping across the floor, her hair swept up on top of her head. "I'd like you to meet one of your passengers. Mal, this is Gideon. He'll be joining us for the journey to Beaumonde."

Mal appraised the smartly-dressed blond-haired man whom Inara was fawin' over a little more than he'd like. Still, kid looked harmless enough. No giant pressurized box in his luggage. That was a plus.

"Welcome aboard, son. Have a seat. I advice you to eat fast and watch out for the bread thief," he said, nodding at River.

"How soon will we be arriving on Beaumonde, Captain Reynolds?" Gideon asked, taking a seat beside River, who casually moved her chair closer.

"Oh, week or so, depends on the course. I apologize 'bout the hasty departure from Persephone. Still, should be smooth flyin' here on out."

"That's good to hear."

"Hello, everyone." Mal looked up to see Cora standing in the doorway, glancing around the room a little nervous-like. "I hope I'm not late."

"Not at all, honey. Have a seat," Kaylee invited.

"Please," Inara said, gesturing to the seat beside her. Mal raised his eyebrows, but she seemed to be ignoring him. "Should we wait for Zoe?"

"She's got things to do, gonna eat later," Kaylee explained.

"Oh." Inara took a sip of water.

"So, Cora. You gonna tell us all 'bout bein' a companion? Nara never tells us any o' the good stuff," Kaylee complained, nudging her friend teasingly.

Mal's head snapped up, his mug halfway to his lips.

"You …you're a companion?"

"Well, actually, I—"

"You're lucky," River spoke up. "He likes that in a woman. What?" she whined, when Simon poked her. "Wash said it, not me!"

"I—I'm sorry. I thought Nara woulda told you," Kaylee murmured, looking to Simon as though for an answer.

"Actually, Kaylee spoke a bit out of turn," Inara said, feeling somehow responsible. From the corner of her eye she saw Gideon, watching with a combination of surprise and discomfort. "Cora's no longer registered with the Guild. She's retired."

"When'd all this happen?" Mal asked, ignoring both the exchange with River and Kaylee's wide-eyed expression.

"About a year after you left Shadow. Daddy and Uncle Ray never made it home from the War. When my young brother was old enough to enroll, I was on my own, all alone in that big, creaky farm house. And then one day a woman came to the village. She was so glamorous, so stately—almost as lovely as Inara, here."

Inara blushed, murmured what sounded like, "You're too kind." Mal tried to catch her eyes but she turned away.

"She offered me an opportunity," Cora continued. "And I took it. I was just a child, really. This, what the woman described, seemed…easier. Easier than the life I was leading on Shadow." Not so lonely. She'd thought she wouldn't be lonely.

"I guess you grew up pretty quick after that." Mal's eyes were on his plate. He took a bite, noticed none of the others were eating.

"I guess both of us did," Cora said softly.

"Uh huh. Excuse me." He dropped his napkin in his plate and strode from the room. He felt Inara's eyes burning into his back on his way out the door.

---

"Malcom." Cora held open her door. "Come in."

He stood, slightly awkward, against the wall.

"Every time you call me that I feel 'bout seventeen again."

"The last time I called you that, you were seventeen."

"Yeah, guess I was. Listen, I'm sorry 'bout all that at dinner. The crew, they're…well, they insist on bein' themselves, no matter how hard I try to make 'em otherwise. Big bunch o' insolents."

"They're not the dutiful Independent troops, I take it."

"Well, Zoe is, she's been with me since the War. Not, with me, with me, just—"

"I get it."

"So what happened? Why's it you're quitting the wonderful world of wh...companioning?" He wondered why he stopped himself from saying that word. He'd said it to Inara plenty. What was different?

"Whore. You can say it. I've been called worse. Was called worse by the man who gave me him." She spread her fingers over her stomach.

Mal blinked, stared dumbly for a couple seconds.

"You're…you're…?"

"Going to be a mother. Took nearly all the money I had to get away from the place I was. I'd gotten myself into what you'd call a situation. But I'm free now." Free of the man. Free from the Guild.

"And you're headin' to Beaumonde to put in for early retirement?"

"That's not the ultimate destination. But it's a start."

"So…how soon's it gettin' here, anyway?" He gestured to her middle but refrained from touching.

"Technically, he's already here." She rested her hand on her stomach again. "But he'll be on the outside in about seven months."

He tugged lightly at her hair, recalling when it was long and braided.

"Always was a smart-mouthed little thing. Let's see, one, two, three." He mimed counting on his fingers. "Sixteen years…I'm gonna have to take a guess and say it ain't mine."

She smiled. "No, Malcom."

"Well, that's one lucky babe then. I'm fairly certain I'd be about as good a daddy as that kid you knew back on Shadow."

"Oh, he wasn't so bad. He was just…young. Naïve, perhaps. Idealistic."

"Yeah, well, no one would accuse me o' any of that now."

"The war must have been terrible," she said quietly.

"Must have." He cleared his throat, sat down on her bed. "All a long way's back."

"I suppose." She sat beside him, laying a tentative hand on his knee. "You were angry at dinner. When you found out about me."

"None of my business, and lately I'm a firm believer in mindin' my own."

"You feel I've betrayed her."

"Who her?"

"Cora McAllister. The way she existed in your head all these years."

"She ain't my proprety, not the girl or the memory."

"When we were together…I'd never have considered it, that way of life. But then, I thought you'd grow up and marry me."

"And when I up and joined the army, you joined up someplace else."

"Not at first. You promised you'd come back for me." She smiled, shrugged. "But you never did. You didn't come back, Malcom. Hardly anyone came back. Just kept right on leaving." She said the last with a hint of her old accent, the one the Guild worked so hard to erase.

---

Later in the evening, Kaylee found Mal on the bridge. He sat in Wash's chair, eyes on the black.

"Cap'n, can we talk a minute?" She twisted her hands in front of her.

"Anybody dyin'?"

"N-no."

"Then I'm fairly sure I don't wanna hear whatever it is you've come to say."

Sucking in a breath, Kaylee pressed forward.

"I'm worried 'bout River, Cap'n. She ain't actin' right."

"When's the little witch ever acted right?" Jayne asked, stepping on to the bridge. He settled back against the console to watch.

"All that stuff 'bout Wash," Kaylee continued, shooting Jayne a dangerous glare. "Ain't right her talkin' that way…like he's right here on Serenity…like he ain't…."

Against his will, Mal felt his eyes go to the dinosaurs. He squeezed his hand into a fist.

"You ever think she could be right, Kaylee?" His tone rose involuntarily. "Hell, maybe she is talkin' to him. How the hell do we know? Wash? You hear me, Wash?"

"Sir?" Zoe appeared in the doorway, Inara close behind. Murmuring something inaudible beneath her breath, Kaylee brushed past them in her rush to leave the helm.

Mal met Zoe's eyes. Hers were steely, devoid of emotion.

"Kaylee." Mal cleared his throat. "Ta ma de, Kaylee, I didn't…." He groaned, leaned back in his chair.

"Sir."

"Hmm?" he murmured, only half-listening now.

"Sir, can I have a word with you in private?"

He'd been staring at the dinosaurs again. Ta ma de, did he expect the gorram things to move? He met Zoe's eyes, embarrassed.

"I think we're a little past the days o' you callin' me sir." He knew he was stepping over a line, going to a place he shouldn't, but couldn't quite stop. "Ai ya, gorram war's been over a long while!"

Zoe's tone was icy-cool. "What would you like me to call you, sir?" She uttered the last word with enough deliberate emphasis to make Inara hold her breath and Jayne lean forward, intrigued.

"What would I like? Oh, there's an interesting question, Zoe. I think I'd like all y'all to shut the hell up and leave me alone for ten minutes? There a chance in the 'verse o' that happenin'?"

"Don't talk to her that way, Mal!" Inara snapped from the corner, where she'd been watching in silence.

"I'm sorry, are you the captain o' this ship now? Can't think of another reason you'd be tryin' to tell me what to—"

"Enough." Zoe folded her arms across her chest. "Anyone not the captain or I, move along. Plenty other parts of the ships you can congregate for gossip. Everyone else, stay put."

Mal sniffed out a breath, turned his chair around to face the sky.

"So." The others gone, she came around to face him, resting her back side against the console. "There a reason you're acting like more of a hun qiu than's typical?"

"Just had a good day, I guess."

"Uh huh. Something we gotta talk about." She stared off for a second, as though watching something far away. "Maybe it don't concern you as ship's captain, though I expect it will before much longer. More important, you were Wash's friend, sir. And on your better days, I like to count you among mine."

She hadn't spoke of Wash since the funeral, least not to him. He didn't want to hear this. Whatever in the 'verse was about to come out of her mouth, he was fairly sure he didn't wanna hear it.

"I'm gonna have a baby, sir. Goin' on two months."

"Wo de ma. It's a gorram epidemic."

"Sir?"

He met her eyes, and for a second his were unguarded. She saw everything, the fear, the guilt, and something else: something new. Then, as though it hadn't happened, he snapped back.

"You think that's a shiny idea, Zoe?" His voice was low, furious. "Life we lead, you think its wise to bring a helpless six-pound bundle of trouble on board?"

"Don't think they're particularly troublesome at six pounds, sir. They're a good bit heavier 'fore the trouble starts."

"Oh, that's good. That's great. You know, I'm glad you think this is so gorram hilarious."

"Wasn't laughin', sir."

He put his hand to his head, rubbing at the temples.

"Told ya to quit callin' me that." But his voice was broken, and the words lacked bite.

Zoe leaned forward, touched his knee.

"Mal."

His name sounded strange in her mouth, tasted funny on her lips.

"Not just tellin' you so you can get all huffy and disapproving. I'm gonna need you, Captain. Better if you get used to that idea 'fore it…'fore she gets here."

She? Mal felt something inside him cracking.

"Oh, wait just a gorram minute. You wantin' me to help you raise this...this…Wash's…? Zoe, you of all people must know I'm too broke to be anybody's substitute daddy. You think Wash would want that? When I all but killed him! Someday—" He gestured to her middle. "—Someday that kid in there's gonna ask some fundamental questions 'bout what happened to her daddy. Gonna tell her the truth, Zoe? Gonna tell her Uncle Mal all but murdered him?" He fixed his eyes on hers, enraged, aching. "Or were you gonna leave that little job for me? Do I get to tell her that? Do I—"

And then she was kneeling beside him and his face was pressed into the crook of her neck. It took him a couple seconds longer than he'd have liked to cut off the tears. He choked, trying to catch his breath.

Sensing he was embarrassed, that those few seconds were all the release he'd allow himself, Zoe pulled away, stood up.

"You didn't kill Wash, sir. I did that all on my own."

Without a word, Zoe turned, as stoic and dry-eyed as he'd ever seen her, and left the bridge.

"Zoe." Mal hastily wiped his face with the back of his hand, got to his feet. "Zoe!"

But she was gone.

---

Zoe stepped out of her clothing, changed into the robe he bought her for their first anniversary. Cost nearly a whole job's worth of wages, but he said it was worth it. Seein' her in it was worth it. She slipped the apricot silk over her shoulders and lay down on their bed. When had it happened? she wondered, caressing her stomach. The last time, right before Miranda? Had he somehow known it was the last time, been deliberately careless? Normally, he was scrupulous.

"Think about it, Zoe. You've already got me. You really want another baby?"

And she always laughed, said, some day, and let him kiss her, love her, collapse on top of her. She stretched her arm over her head, recalling the way her did it, the way his hands felt pinning her arms at the top of the bed, ravishing her neck. She thought of his skin against hers, pale pink touching warm chocolate, limbs entwined, bodies wet with perspiration. If she closed her eyes she could feel his hair, the soft golden-yellow strands tickling her breasts as he kissed down her chest.

"My Zoe. My glorioius warrior-women."

She sobbed silently in the dark room, remembering the way he'd hold her after, hold her until she fell into blissfully dream-free sleep. Tonight, she knew she'd dream.

---

"Malcom. Qing jin."

"Cora. I—"

"I'm glad you came back." She smiled, her expression simple, uncomplicated. It was a smile he'd remember, the youthful exuberance of a teenage girl from a little world called Shadow. She had to work a great deal harder to summon that smile now, all these years later. "I didn't want to leave things the way we did."

" 'Bout what I said before. Cora, I got no right to tell you how to live your life. Didn't have the right 'fore I enlisted and sure as hell don't have it now. You were right sayin' what you did. And you got the right, same as anybody else, to earn a livin' any way you see fit."

"Wow. That's very enlightened, Malcom. And I almost believe you mean it."

"Well, guess we all change. Guess we all…grow up sometime…."

And wanting to feel his youth once again, feel alive, feel all his lost innocence, Mal leaned in and kissed her. He grabbed the back of her neck, holding her there, feeling her warmth. It all returned to him, the woods, her small, sturdy body beneath his, the rain he could taste on her skin. He fisted his hands in her hair and inhaled her. But he didn't feel his innocence. He felt like a bastard.

"I should go." He turned away so she couldn't see the way his body was responding to her, but she pulled him back, forced him around to face her.

"You don't have to," she said simply. "I don't even think you want to."

When he didn't deny it, she took two steps forward, pressed her body against him till their hips were rubbing.

"You wanted me so badly when we were kids on Shadow."

"Pretty much every minute o'the day," Mal admitted, eyes fixed on the wall somewhere over her head.

"Mm, a part of you still does." She slid her hands down his back side, held him there a moment, tight against her. Then she sighed and stepped back. "But you want something else more now. And I'm confusing things, aren't I?"

"Cora…it's not that I don't…what we were to each other…."

"You were more articulate back when you were coaxing me out of my dress in your mama's barn, Malcom Reynolds." She stood on tiptoe to brush her lips lightly over his. "You still have good taste. She's very lovely…Mal," she added as though trying out the name.

"She?"

"It's painfully clear," she said quietly.

"Everybody on this boat's a mind reader," he muttered. Everyone, Mal thought, except him.

"Still, though." Cora took his hand, dragged it down her breasts, over her rib cage and pressed it against her stomach, with its barely perceptible bump. "Still, I'm not really sure she can have you."

---


	4. Chapter 4

---

Zoe pressed her face into the curve of his neck, feeling the familiar Hawaiian shirt beneath her cheek.

"Thought you were gone," she whispered. "Thought they killed you."

"Oh, they did. Used a big ruttin' stake." He laughed.

"But how are you here? How are you inside me?" she asked, because suddenly he was. Now she wore the Hawaiian shirt, just the shirt, and Wash was on top of her.

She exhaled, gasped in another breath as his hands stroked down her hips, lifted her up to him.

" 'Cuz you want me here. 'Cuz you need me."

They were on the bridge now. He sat in the pilot seat and she stood behind, the sky falling fast as he flew Serenity in for a landing.

"Didn't think my Zoe needed anyone," he said as they slammed into ground. "Thought she was invincible."

"I'm not a robot, husband," she said. They were back in their bunk, beneath their blankets. Safety. Sanctuary. She nudged her back against his chest, pulled his hand around to cup her breast.

"But you are, sweetie." His mustache tickled her neck before he pushed her on her back, slid on top. "Didn't shed a tear when the reavers gored me."

Zoe woke shaking, sobbing.

---

Simon stood in the doorway, blocking Mal's entrance to his passenger dorm.

"Captain Reynolds."

"Doctor Tam," Mal responded, half-amused.

"If you make her cry again, I'm gonna have to…hit you…Captain," Simon announced, as though deciding just then.

"I make Kaylee cry, I figure I'll let you hit me."

Simon nodded and moved aside so Mal could enter.

"Hey, Lil' Kaylee. Okay if I sit?"

"Cap'n, I'm sorry about…." Suddenly she stopped, her voice gathering strength, losing the teary quality. "No, wait." She punched him in the shoulder. "You're the one should be doin' the apologizing.'"

"That was essentially my intention," Mal said, rubbing his arm. "No call for me speakin' to you that way, Kaylee. God knows I don't deserve a good thing like you. Got no right talkin' to you way I did last night."

She appraised him through narrowed eyes, considering. Then she leaned over and kissed him smack on the mouth.

"I love you, Cap'n." She rested her head on his shoulder. "Don't be forgettin' it no more, or else."

Mal looked at Simon, watching them from the door. He seemed unsure whether or not to smile at the sight of his girlfriend kissing his captain. Mal held up a hand to block his face.

"Don't hit me, Doc," he said. Kaylee hooted a laugh. Simon grinned.

"Alright, kids. I got captainy stuff to attend to. As a courtesy, 'haps you could wait'll I'm outta earshot for you start tearin' into each other."

---

"Gideon," River said staring dreamily into her oatmeal. They were sitting down to a late breakfast, having spent a good portion of the morning plotting a relatively discreet course to Beaumonde. "I knew a boy once named Gideon. Pushed my face in the dirt and made me kiss the worms."

Gideon looked up in surprise, gazing uneasily over his coffee cup.

"I'm fairly sure that wasn't me."

"River." Simon patted her shoulder. "Don't you think its a little early for worm stories?"

"The story's not about the worms," River said, confused. "It's about the boy. Gideon. Later I kissed his lips under an apple tree."

"Also, not me," the current Gideon said quickly.

"Gideon means powerful warrior," River told him.

"Hey, do me!" Mal said. "What's Malcom mean?"

"Please don't use the phrase 'do me' when addressing my sister," Simon requested.

"So you thought about baby names yet, Cora?" Kaylee said grinning. "Was so excited when I heard. Wouldn't it be fun havin' a baby on Serenity, Cap'n?"

"Oh, regular laugh riot," Mal muttered, grateful Zoe hadn't joined them that morning. Hardly surprising as she tended to keep to herself these days.

"Oh, well, I--" Cora began.

Jayne's eyes widened, and he grinned wickedly.

"Wait a minute. You knock her up, Mal?"

"Yes, Jayne," Simon muttered. "In the twenty-four hours Cora's been on board, the captain managed to impregnate her."

"I didn't impregnate nobody!" Mal glared at Simon.

"I was just trying to help Jayne understand how unlikely it was that you—"

"It isn't his," River interrupted. "Poor Captain. Hasn't gotten any since--"

Mal covered River's mouth with one palm.

"You--keep the mind-readin' to a minimum. And you--quit bein' so helpful!" he said to Simon, who was staring, somewhat horrified, at his sister.

For awhile, everyone ate in silence.

"So," Simon said after a few moments. "Do you know when the baby's due?"

"What baby?" Inara stepped into the kitchen. Guiltily, Mal kept his eyes on his plate. "Kaylee? Mei mei, you're not…?"

"Oh! Gosh, no. Not yet anyways." She chewed her lower lip, sneaked a quick glance at Simon.

Simon choked on his tea.

"Yet?" Mal thought he saw the boy actually squirm. "Kaylee definitely isn't…I mean she's not…not…."

"I think they gets it," Kaylee said dryly. She jerked her hand away when Simon tried to lay his atop it on the table.

"I didn't mean—" he tried.

"Cora's having the baby. We're pretty certain it isn't the captain's," River supplied pleasantly.

"Mei mei." Simon laid his hand lightly over his sister's. "Remember we talked about provoking the man with the big stick up his…temper?"

"Don't forget all the guns," Mal offered, getting to his feet. "Coffee, Inara?"

Inara's eyes widened, her ever-present grace temporarily faltered, but she regained composure rather rapidly.

"Cora, you're…?"

"Yes."

Inara shaped her lips in a smile.

"Congratulations, darling."

"From one companion to another," Jayne muttered. He may not o' been the brightest star in the 'verse. Still, didn't take no psychic genius to see the tension 'tween these two.

"Jayne," Mal warned.

"It's fine, Malcom," Cora said. "I'm not ashamed of my job. Even though it isn't my job any longer. A companion can't exactly be a mother, can she, Inara?"

"I—well—"

"Inara? You want the damn coffee or not?"

"You're offering to get me coffee?" She raised a delicate eyebrow in Mal's direction. "What'd you do?" she teased.

"No touching!" River stood up, eyes on Mal. "It isn't very fair!" She flung Simon's hand from her wrist and ran from the room.

"Is she alright?" Cora asked, glancing inquisitively at the others. "She seems...perturbed. I hope my presence isn't upsetting the child in some way."

"She's not a child," Inara said, watching Mal curiously.

"But she's always like that," Jayne said around a big bite of cereal.

"Yeah. Sure it ain't you," Mal said, sitting down again after slamming Inara's coffee cup, rather unceremoniously, at her place. Her wide brown eyes studied him quizzically.

"If you'll all excuse me, I've some things to attend to in my room." Cora stood, pushing in her chair, and rested a hand on Mal's shoulder. "Did you ever imagine it back on Shadow, Malcom? Me, somebody's mama." She smoothed her hair behind her ears and carried her tea cup to the sink.

---

Simon found Kaylee in the engine room, tinkering under Serenity's great rumbling belly. When she slid out, she saw him watching her, blew a strand of hair out of her face.

"Oh, it's you," she muttered.

"Yup, it is I. Dr. Simon Tam, the Lord Byron of breakfast banter." He cleared his throat. "That didn't even merit a giggle?"

"Mm…nope." She rustled around for a wrench in one of her toolboxes. "Lord who?" she asked under her breath.

"Tough crowd. Listen, I propose an amendment to our relationship."

Kaylee bit her lip. She would not start bawling.

"You wanna end it?" she whispered, turning to face him.

Simon looked baffled a moment. Then the smile spread over his features. What had he ever done to deserve her? Sweet, open girl, watching him wide-eyed with engine grease on her nose.

"Not end it, amendment," he said patiently.

She frowned at him, made a face like she still might cry. He put his hands around her waist and tugged her against him hard, kissed her in a way that would have made him blush a couple months ago.

"That a little clearer?" he asked when she broke off to suck in air.

"Clear that you're horny," she said, still a little sullen. Her face was pink though, her voice breathy. "But I'm still mad at you, so you're not gettin' any till after dinner at least."

He grinned, delighting in her, and sat back in the hammock. And fell on the floor.

"Oh, rutting hell!"

"Simon!" Kaylee was laughing now, bent over with it.

"Now she thinks I'm hysterical." He shook his head. "Falling on my ass is comedy genius."

Kaylee helped him to his feet, rubbed his bottom lightly where he'd hit the ground.

"More hearing you say ruttin'. Aw, honey, you okay?"

He trailed a finger over her temple and down to her ear, tucking her hair back there.

"Now I am. So can I tell you my amendment?"

"Sure." Cheerful again, Kaylee turned back to the engine. "I get all hot inside when you use them big words."

"I propose that, once a week, I get a free pass to say something asinine. And you have to realize I'm choking on my feet and forgive me."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Like the thing 'bout me not havin' your baby?"

"Um, yeah. Like that."

"Uh huh. And what do I get outta this deal."

Simon whirled her around, pushed her up against the wall.

"That," he said, sliding his hand down her body until she whimpered, "is up for negotiation."

---

In the evening, Inara sought out River, who hadn't put in an appearance since that morning's breakfast outburst. She found the girl in Simon's room, sketching cross-legged on his bed.

"Hi, sweetheart."

"Inara." River smiled. "A ray of light descended from Heaven."

Inara's lips curved.

"And what does River mean?"

"Moving water."

Inara laughed.

"Where's Simon?"

River made a face like Inara should know better than to ask.

"I see," she said, amused. "Well, if you ever get lonely while Simon's...otherwise engaged, you're welcome to visit me in my shuttle. I could brush your hair, if you like," she said, lifting a strand.

"He's lonely, you know. That's why he did it."

"Simon?"

"No," River smiled down at her drawing. "Simon's not lonely any more. The Captain."

"Mal?" she asked, breath catching in her throat.

"Kissed her to stop the guilt, stop the lonely. But it just filled him up with it, rose higher and higher till he sank."

"River--"

"He's sorry," River said sadly. "Just wanted to be young again, be a boy."

"All men are boys," Inara said, rising slowly from the bed.

"She'll be gone soon!"

Inara hesitated at the door, turned back to look at River, head once again bent over her artwork. She looked up, as though feeling Inara's gaze.

"Don't you know he doesn't want her here?"

---

Mal knocked at the door of Inara's shuttle, entered without waiting for her to grant him permission.

"Can I come in?" he asked as he dropped down on her sofa.

"Please do." She sat at her dressing table, combing her hair in long, smooth strokes. "Would you like a cup of tea?

Oh, this was bad. That cool, impenetrable companion charm was a sure indicator of fury.

"Nah, I'm shiny. What're you doing?"

"Preparing myself. We working women must look our best. I'm sure your former sweetheart would agree."

"Right. My sweetheart." The Cora he knew died in the war, same as everyone else. Same as he had. Laid down dead in those godforsaken trenches, 'cept his body insisted on walkin' about, talkin' and breathin' 'gainst his will.

Inara sighed, softened. "You feel guilty. For the life she chose," she said when he raised an eyebrow at her in the mirror. "The girl who disappeared when you didn't come home for her."

"She was just a kid." A beautiful, hopeful, innocent kid. They were the both of 'em hopeful. "Didn't know better 'n to believe me 'bout comin' back for her."

"Perhaps you didn't know any better."

"Look, I came here lookin' to explain some things."

Laying down her brush, Inara came to him, sat beside him on the sofa.

"You don't owe me any explanations, Mal. You aren't my intended."

Mal studied his hands.

"No," he said. "Don't 'spose I am."

"A few hasty gropes on the bridge doesn't make you betrothed to me."

"I imagine it don't."

"It was just..sex," she said.

"Like hell it was."

"Okay, it was more like foreplay that didn't progress into...more."

"That ain't what I meant, Inara."

"It's alright, Mal, really. Everyone needs comfort from time to time. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"You think I'm ashamed?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Well, okay. But not about the...comfortin'. Gorramit, woman, you're deliberately misapprehending me."

"Forgive me, Mal, but no one knows what in the name of Fo zu is going on inside that head of yours."

"So I ain't much for the articulatin'."

"You're fog wrapped in a smoke screen.

He played his fingers over the thick waves of her hair.

"You're beautiful." The words were out before he could stop them.

"Th-thank you," she said, confused. "Mal, I--"

And then he was kissing her, pushing her down on the sofa, or maybe she was the one doing the pulling.

"You're kissing me," she said helplessly, the words dancing over her breath as she exhaled. He caught her lips again, slid his mouth down her neck, trailing it along the soft skin, pleasuring her, torturing her.

"Ta ma de, you're exquisite."

"You shouldn't be doing that," she whispered. She fisted her hand in the soft brown of his hair, ran the short, silken strands through her fingers. She kissed his cheek, his temple. Finally she found his lips again, soft and pliant, so unlike the man. She spread her hands over his chest felt his tongue flicker against hers.

He cupped her face, wanting to see into her eyes, wanting to escape them. Achingly soft, almost reverent, he unclasped the back of her dress, put his hand inside without breaking eye contact. He slid his fingers over her breast, felt her heart beat against his hand as her skin responded to his touch.

She whispered his name, wanting to sob it, and rubbed her cheek against his.

Did she do that for the others? Make them feel like gods for pleasing her. Was she skilled in glazing her eyes over with desire, shuddering in ecstasy?

"Do you feel like this when they kiss you?" he murmured helplessly, hating himself for saying it, for tarnishing this "Do you quiver when they touch you here? Or, how 'bout here? Ai ya."

"Don't, Mal." She pushed him away. Her eyes blazed with an unspeakable pain, but her voice was quiet, resigned. "It always comes back to the whoring for you, doesn't it, Mal?"

"I know I got no right meddlin' in your business, Inara, but, I--oh, hell. We've danced 'round this long enough. I can't bear thinkin' 'bout others touching you, having you for hire. I--" He wanted to say more. But he'd already said too much. He couldn't seem to edit himself around her. She invaded his mind, seeped under his skin. And in his twisted, embittered brain, that very quality, her damned allure, justified his insulting her. Was a reason he called Inara a whore but censored himself when it came to Cora. He wasn't quite ready to explore the true meaning of that reason.

"Are you asking me to quit?" she said softly.

"Got no right to ask you that. No right askin' you to give me that when I don't know that I can..." He didn't know if he could give her anything. He didn't know if he had anything to give.

"I think you should go now."

"So where's that leave...this thing?" He'd almost said us, but in the end the word curdled on his tongue.

Inara looked at her hands, folded in her lap.

"Lost in the woods."

---

She crept down his ladder after midnight, the skirts of her robe rustling around her legs. Wide awake, he watched her descend like a fantasy falling from heady dreams, a vision landing smack in the middle of his reality with the light click of her straw sandals.

"Am I having that dream again? 'Cuz, hell, that would be a might embarrassing."

"What dream?"

"The one where you're in my bunk, and…you know, it's not important. What are you doin' here, Inara?"

A trace of a smile graced her lips.

"I was restless. I thought your inchoate chatter might lull me to sleep."

"You want inarticulate, you came to the right place."

He held back the covers and she slid, hopeless, aching into the bed beside him.

He hadn't slept beside a woman, just slept, side by side, in a good long time. He didn't remember the last time he'd cuddled one.-

At six, she crept back to her room. He woke feeling the warmth where her body had been.

---

"Hey, little witch. How's she flyin?"

Mal sat beside River, watching her cruise. Her body appeared fluid, at home over the controls.

"Sometimes bumpy. She rocks and dips, takes false turns. But she'll land smooth. Just have to wait it out."

"Peachy. You know its not nice to poke around in people's brains."

"Some people's brains aren't nice," River admitted.

"You seem to like mine well enough," he muttered, tugging on her hair.

She met his eyes, all serious now.

"You're so sad. Sometimes it hurts me."

Mal blinked, broke the stare. Then he saw her approaching.

"Inara. Good to see you." He stood so she could sit in the co-pilot's chair, pulling her down with a force that made River giggle. "You win."

Inara rolled her eyes inclusively in River's direction, bringing her in with that way she had, before turning back to Mal.

"I win what?"

"The somewhat dubious honor of accompanying me on a job."

"Oh, so you're going to make me a criminal like you. I'm touched."

"Don't fawn, Nara. You're makin' me blush."

"And how did I merit a role in your latest thievery?"

"I need a wife, or a shiny mistress least. Don't think the Doc'll let me take Kaylee, and Zoe's...well, she's got her own things."

"Why don't you take Jayne?" she asked sweetly.

"He don't look so good in a dress. Not good as me, least."

"So you thought of me last? How complimentary."

"I could be your wife." River looked up from dinosaurs she'd been engaging in soft conversation. "I'd make a good wife."

"Sure you would, lil albatross. But I'd prefer you not discuss my deflowerin' with the dignitary. Or mention it ever, ever again."

"You were cute."

"Albatross..." Mal warned.

She made a face.

"A dignitary, huh?" Inara said, taking pity on him. "You're moving up in the world."

"We're movin' up, Mrs. Reynolds. Wait, bad memories there. 'Haps you should keep your maiden name, darlin'."

"I'll keep that in mind. So where does that shiny new crime take place? A reception? A ball?"

"The Beaumonde Inn, in Beaumonde City."

"Y-you want me to go to a hotel with you?" Inara glanced at River who was watching intently now.

"They're gonna do it," River sing-songed lovingly to the tyrannosaurus, in a tone clearly not her own.

"Bi zui, Wash," Inara murmured. "You want us to spend the night at the Inn?"

"Well, not spend the night so much as help me look respectable enough to unload the cargo we picked up on Persephone. Buyer's a might twitchy."

"What kind of cargo?" Inara asked, narrowing her eyes.

Mal coughed.

"Not particularly consequential what the cargo is. All's you gotta do is help me unload it. Oh yeah: and wear something shiny."

---


	5. Chapter 5

---

If she could just hide him away in here, stash him like the cargo, he'd be safe. They wouldn't be able to find him, harm him. He was heavier than he looked. She grasped him under the armpits, tugging. The walk from the bridge felt endless. But she could save him. Sure it looked bad. She'd seen a lot worse in the war. Legs aching from the weight, arms stinging, Zoe laid Wash's broken body out in one of Serenity's many handy cargo holds. So close, baby, so close. She took out the last scaly bits of the Reaver harpoon, gleeful now--they were almost there. And suddenly he awoke, cursing a string of slurred Mandarin, choking for air.

"...on the wind," he finished, half-amazed. He sat up, rubbing at his chest as though the wound stung just slightly, an old scar mostly-forgotten.

"You almost left me, Husband." Zoe laid her head on his breast, feeling the warm skin against her lips, feeling his heart.

"Aw, Zoe." He smoothed the hair over her temple. "I know you'd never desert me, lamby-toes. Never leave me skewered on a stick, the main course at the big Reaver luncheon." He laughed but his tone turned bitter at the end, wryly-ironic.

She met his gaze, wide-eyed, but he just smiled, hugged her around the middle. She fell against him, wanting to weep for joy. His lips grazed over her ear lobe, and he took it in his mouth, sucking lightly.

"That kid's gonna have one sexy mama," he said, sliding a hand under her shirt. "Strong too. Impenetrable as steel and twice as cold." He stroked gently, and she felt the baby respond, kick against his hand as though yearning to get out. As though trying to escape.

"Here's hopin' she don't fall out of your knapsack whilst you and Mal are shootin the outlaws."

"Husband, don't you know I'd never--"

"Of course not, sweetiekins. Least not before..."

Zoe woke retching and threw up in the sink.

---

Sometimes, when he first saw her mornings, 'fore either of 'em opened their mouths, he was transported back. The grasping, broken woman became the sweet girl, soft-eyed and dreamy and demanding. She'd expected the best from him, and sometimes he even gave it to her.

"Captain Reynolds. Haven't hardly seen you this past week."

"Well, thievin' ain't all fun and games, Cora. Work, work, work."

She smiled.

"Back on Shadow, if anyone alleged Malcom Reynolds would turn out to be a common criminal, I'dve called him a gorram liar. But then, I'm guessing you didn't envision me a whore."

"Cora, I--"

"It's alright, Malcom. You know I didn't just stumble on to your ship by pure luck."

"Had an inkling," he admitted.

"I've been looking for awhile. Finally, someone turned me on to a man on Persephone, a funny little man in a bowler hat who said he might know the Malcom Reynolds I was seeking. He knew a man with an aging Firefly and a curious moral code. Said he'd send me a wave next time you were planetside."

"Fella called Badger?"

"I think that was it. Yes."

"You ever see that fella again, run the other direction. Fast."

"I shouldn't have come looking. Malcom and Cora have been gone a good long time."

"Dead and buried," he admitted. He leaned over and kissed her cheek softly. "Still, don't make what they were any less."

"They were lovely. Spunky and sexy and so stupidly, naively sanguine."

"Young and stupid, ain't no crime in that."

"Sometimes I miss them both, Mal."

"Sometimes I do too," he admitted.

"I'll be leaving when we get to Beaumonde." She spread her fingers to cover her stomach. "He and I have a lengthy journey ahead of us."

"Figured you would be. But don't go till I get back from this job. I wanna give you somethin'."

"You don't owe me anything."

He cocked his head, thinking of a cool dreamy night in the woods that stuck with him through boot camp, through that first horrific battle.

"Oh, I 'spects I do."

---

Mal stepped into his common area to find his youngest crew mate seated in a most unlikely spot. Inara and Kaylee looked on, apparently, for once, at a loss for words.

"Gorramit, now I'm gonna lose my breakfast, and all over my shiniest attire," he muttered.

Jayne held his hands up as though surrendering.

"I didn't touch her, Mal, I swear! Was sittin' here all innocent-like, and the little moonbrain just dropped down in my lap."

"Jayne, you ain't been innocent a day in your life."

"Do I have to get up, Captain Daddy?" River leaned back against Jayne's chest, swinging her legs.

"Might wanna consider it 'fore your brother appears."

River rolled her eyes but climbed off Jayne and trotted away.

"Little lunatic," Jayne muttered, watching her go with a strange expression on his face.

"Wonder what's gotten into her lately," Mal commented.

"She's at a delicate age," Inara chided. "Awakening, discovering men."

"Yeah, so you might wanna try actin' like one, Jayne," Kaylee suggested. "Wouldn't kill you to be a little sweeter to her."

Jayne looked baffled.

"They sayin' that I shoulda let her sit on me or that I shouldn't o'?"

Mal shook his head, studied the girls thoughtfully.

"I don't rightly know," he admitted.

Inara and Kaylee exchanged affectionate eye-rolls.

"You about ready, Nara? We're takin' off in the second shuttle soon as we hit atmo."

Kaylee narrowed her eyes.

"That what you're wearin, Cap'n?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Well, nothing if we were attending a barn-raising," Inara said, lips twitching.

"Hey...I'd be offended, if I actually cared 'bout such things."

"We're meeting a dignitary, Mal. No suspenders."

"That's it." Kaylee stood, grinned. "You get his clothes, Nara. I'll get him naked."

---

"C'mon, Cap'n. Off with 'em," Kaylee said, pushing him behind the Chinese screen in Inara's changing area.

"Hands, girl, hands!" he protested, as she started in on his belt.

She just giggled and went to sit on Inara's sofa while he undressed.

"So you think you'll stay gone the whole night?" she asked, biting her lip gleefully.

"Don't rightly know. Depends how the job goes."

"Inara looks real pretty today, wouldn't you say, Cap'n? I always loved that green dress o' hers."

"You're about as subtle as a steel blade, Kaylee," Mal commented. Reluctantly, he unhooked his suspenders and let 'em fall to the floor.

"No point in pretendin', Cap'n," she said happily. "Already made her promise--whatever happens-- to tell me all the shiny bits."

"Why is it girls gotta make with the sharin'? Ain't anythin' sacred with you people?"

"Alls I'm sayin' is when and if it happens... well just know Simon and I both'll be real happy for you, Cap'n. Real happy."

"Kaylee, when and if it happens...I hope to God I'm not thinkin' 'bout the doctor."

"Ain't two folk deserve it more than you and Inara, Cap'n. Ain't two folk deserve more to find some happines." She turned at the sound of heeled footsteps and flashed Inara a big grin. "Hey, Nara. Let's get to work dressin' the beast."

---

In the end, Mal wore a coat and tie, though he didn't like it much.

"Zoe, she's yours," he muttered over the 'com when he and Inara were settled. "Behave, kids."

"Momma and Daddy will be watching us," River said from the bridge just before they launched.

Mal mulled that one over, more than a little perturbed, as Inara flew them down to the landing pad just outside Beaumonde City. She handled the shuttle with grace and more n' a little skill, better 'n him, not that he'd ever admit it.

"It's very lovely here," Inara said as they waited by the reception area. "Once, as a little girl, I stayed here with my father." Her eyes seemed fixed on a point far away.

"I guess," Mal said, taking in the old-world, far east decor. Chinese lanterns and oriental rugs, alll of it done in rose and red and gold. The aroma of incensce wafted through the air, making him a little dizzy.

"They built the Inn not long after terra-forming here. It's one of the oldest structures in Beaumonde City. During the war, those loyal to the Alliance dug up the original plans, identified all the crawl spaces and secret compartments. They used them for hiding their valuables when the Independents ransacked the city."

"Yeah?" Mal looked intrigued. "Think any of that stuff's left now?"

"I rather doubt it," Inara said, hiding a smile.

Their suite resembled the main lobby in miniature. A small sitting area led into the bedroom, a bright lush space complete with a deep, marble bath tub done in greens and golds. Palm fronds and tall white candles. Wo de ma.

"Hope you're feelin' all sorts of lucky tonight, darlin'. Things don't go well, I doubt our dignitary friend will foot the bill for this place."

"We're meeting him at dinner, I take it. What are we calling ourselves?"

"Oh, thought we'd go with Mal and Nara. Think you can remember it?"

She rolled her eyes, a bit disappointed by the lack of aliases. It wasn't often Mal included her in his clandestine dealings. In truth she was a bit excited...not that she'd ever admit it to him.

As Mal sat down on the bed, bounced a couple times, Inara went to the dressing table. She took a small tube of lip paint from a compartment in her purse, a tiny gold thing with beads. How, Mal wondered, did she keep a whole artist's workshop in there? Wiles, he thought. Had to all come back to those damned feminine wiles.

"What time is dinner?" she asked, fluffing her hair.

"The fine gentleman sent a wave requesting my lady friend and I meet him in the main dining hall at nine sharp. They like to eat late in these parts, I'm supposin'. Is that what the classy folk do?"

Inara glanced at the slim silver band on her left wrist.

"It's only six now."

"Yep." He met her eyes in the mirror and she turned, slowly. "Wonder hows we're gonna pass the time till then."

They weren't ready. She knew that to be true, felt it deep inside her. A great many matters remained unresolved, disordered puzzle pieces, not the least of which was her job. He wouldn't be able to bear that in the long run, and ultimately it would tear them apart. And yet they were here, alive and breathing, which seemed like a great deal after the events of the past couple months. This, the two of them, there in that room, was precious, fragile. And so she went to him.

His legs stretched off the edge of the bed. She stepped between them, close enough to feel his breath in the hollow between her breasts.

"This ain't quite the way I pictured it," he said.

"You...pictured it?"

"No," he said quickly.

She smiled though her lips trembled and she had to fight to steady them.

"Just that, figured, when the time came, I'd swing for a couple daisies or somethin'."

"I--that would have been sweet."

"I can be sweet. Had to have happened once in thirty-some-odd years."

"This is fine, Mal."

"Shoulda been better 'n fine. Special."

"I've had special. Perfume and strawberries and whole bouquets of--"

"Daisies?"

She laughed.

"Calla lillies, white roses. Daisies would have been a first. But I don't want special. I want--you. That didn't come out exactly right."

"Ain't you supposed to be good at this kinda thing--talkin' pretty?

"I used to be," she admitted. "Maybe my wiles wandered off."

"Must be my disarming good looks that's throwin' you."

"Must be." She took a step closer, ready for him to kiss her, but he took her hand, pressed his thumb in the center of her palm.

"Listen, I want you to know something. It's 'bout, Cora."

"Really, Mal, we don't have to--"

"Don't know exactly what River told you happened that night. Girl don't always get alls her facts straight."

Inara raised a brow delicately.

"I wasn't that fast," he protested, sulkily. "More to the point, you should know that I...that it wasn't...Ai ya, Nara. I figure we've spent enough time hurtin' one another."

"Shh." She touched his lips lightly with her own. "No more pain."

His hands reached around the back of her dress, found the zipper that began halfway down her back. He wondered how long he could go slow, keep this torturous pace. He reached the end and the dress fell at her feet in a pool of green silk. She wore something soft under it, a smooth swatch of ivory silk that clung to her breasts, hugged her waist and fluted out in a smooth skirt that skimmed her knees. He took her hands and brought her closer, settling her between his thighs. Then he put his lips to the bodice of her slip. She gasped in a breath and he felt the lust shoot straight through him, so hard it hurt. He worked his mouth over her breasts, first one then the other. She leaned forward, her hair curtaining his face, surrounding him in its heavy, fragrant black.

"Bao bei. Lao tian. Dong ma?"

She nodded, finding it harder to breathe, let alone speak.

"Lie down with me," he murmured, lifting his head from her stomach, where he'd been touching cool, light kisses to her skin through the fabric.

She did, feeling the whole of his hard, hurting body pressed against her. She kissed down the side of her face, feeling the smooth fresh-shaved skin against her cheek. Wanting to soothe, anoint, she pressed kisses to his eyelids, his adam's apple, the underside of his jaw. They were going to be naked, she and Mal. She had to bite her lip to keep from giggling with schoolgirlish nerves she hadn't felt in many years.

"Something funny?" he asked. He looked almost offended. Or, maybe not. He slid his hand under her skirt, began to toy with the string on one side of her bikini underwear.

"Nothing," she said, using all her efforts to keep the smile at bay. "I'm just thinking we should get you out of these clothes."

"And after you wasted all that time gettin' me into 'em earlier," he chided but let her roll on top of him, sit astride his hips. "Guess it is gettin' a little warm in here."

She started with the buttons, wanting to feel his skin beneath her fingers, then went back for the neck tie, letting it fall to the floor. She lowered her mouth to his chest and felt all that warm male flesh, hard against her lips, shuddering to take in her air. She trailed warm, just slightly wet kisses down his stomach, felt him shake, shiver. Her hands settled on his buckle. Ren ci de Fo zu, she was going to take off Mal's pants. She would have giggled again, except things suddenly seemed less funny. He was watching her, waiting. Were those nerves glimmering in his eyes, hidden just behind his carefully constructed barricades? She felt his body respond to the brush of her fingers over his waistband. He murmured something Mandarin and inaudible. Moving at the same time, they fought his pants down his legs.

Stripped down to their underthings, he rolled on top of her. He needed to feel her there, pressed below him. Soft and warm, shaking every time he kissed her neck.

"My too heavy?" he asked, bracing himself on his arms above her.

She shook her head, afraid he'd move. Wo de ma, she didn't want him to move.

He wanted to feel skin, smooth and dusky gold beneath his touch. He lowered one of the straps of her slip, hesitated so she'd open her eyes.

"You ever think this would happen? That first day, when you came to see the shuttle. You ever think we'd end up here?"

"Yes," she said after a pause.

"Yeah, me too," he admitted, lowering his head to her chest again. He kissed until the fabric was wet and cold in his mouth, till her breast strained against it. Then he started to move lower, pushing silky fabric up as he went. His tongue slid over her belly-button jewelry, his mouth inching toward the waistband of her underwear.

"Mal. Before we...this--did you bring any...?"

She raised an eyebrow at his baffled expression

"Ohhh. That. Deng yi miao, God, I hope so. Ain't exactly needed much of that past couple years." He went for his bag, began rifling through the contents.

Inara sat up, pushing the strap of her slip back over her shoulder. She sneaked a glance in the mirror, hurriedly smoothing her hair where he'd mussed it. She hid a smile, watching him dig through the bag, swearing occasionally.

"Look at all this stuff. I think these are mangoes," she said, crouching down to examine the fruit basket.

"What-os?" he asked, distracted.

"There's even a book shelf?" She scanned her eyes along the row of titles. "Have you ever heard of a writer called Shan Yu?"

---

Mal dropped the bag on the floor. In seconds he was across the room, pinning her on the ground.

"Someone's a little anxious. Would five minutes of romance actually kill you?" The teasing smile faded when she saw his expression.

He scanned the walls, releived not to see the red dot, preparing to use their heads for target practice.

"You believe in coincidence, Inara?" he asked, sitting up off of her.

"Not especially."

"Yeah, me either." He pulled her to her feet. "Get dressed, quickly. Ta ma de, there's no time." He grabbed his coat off of the chair, shoved her arms roughly inside it. "Find your shoes."

"Not until you tell me what's going on," she said, but started hunting for her heels.

"Not rightly sure yet. 'Haps nothing at all." Except never once in all his years had he been that lucky. He nearly tripped, trying to tug on his pants, button his shirt back up.

"We're going, and it's gotta be better 'n slow. If you can't run in those things, leave 'em," he said, nodding at her strappy and, in his eyes, completely unfunctional shoes.

"Are you gonna stop barking orders and tell me what's happening?"

"Don't seem likely."

"Ai ya, Mal. Will you just--?"

"You're gonna do whatever I gorram say, dong ma? I'm the Captain o'this boat, you hear?"

"We're not on the damned ship, Mal."

"That...that is neither here nor there. You ready?"

Then he heard the knocks, three solid smacks like a cane. Xi niu bastard probably got a cane. He pushed her back into the bedroom, closing and locking the door separating them from the sitting area.

"Help me move the bureau," he said quietly.

Stricken, she obeyed, helping him push the heavy wooden piece in front of the door, blocking them in.

He looked around the room wildly, his eyes settling on the closet. He flung open the double doors, sifted through the padded dress hangers, complimentary Beaumonde Inn terry-cloth robes.

"This where the crawl space is? The secret compartment?" They heard a sound like a shoulder shattering wood. They were almost through the outside door. "Inara!" he whispered.

"Yes. The top of the closet. It's a false bottom. Mal, tell me--"

He pushed at the slim wood paneling of the top of the closet, nudged it out of the way.

"Get in," he ordered.

"What? Mal, I'm not gonna leave you--"

"Yes, you are. That's exactly what you're gonna do. You're gonna get in the gorram closet, and you're gonna live." He grabbed her shoulders, shook hard enough to have her head jerking back. "Ai ya, say it, Inara!"

"I'm gonna live," she whispered.

He kissed her gently, let his eyes drift closed against her skin.

"You're gone, understand me? You're not here, and so there's no reason for any part of your mind to be here. Go somplace far away, and stay there. Retreat into your head, 'cuz you're not in this room, not in this gorram Inn."

"Who is it, Mal?" she asked, quietly. He boosted her up into the crawl space, remembered her bag and her dress and threw them up after her.

"It's Niska," he said only then.

The last thing he saw was her eyes widening before he slid the panel back in place and closed the double doors. He sat on the bed in the empty room and waited. And prayed.

---

The inner door shattered. Mal sat, gun posed. He fired off a couple rounds before they grabbed him. A fist slammed into his face and he struggled not to go to sleep. Another one hit him in the stomach, cutting off his air supply. He fell forward, eating the rug. A boot slammed into the side of his head, making his brain go fuzzy. He saw freshly-shined shoes approach along with a slim, black cane. He felt some satisfaction in knowing he'd given the bastard a limp before another kick to the head had him losing consciousness. "Mr. Reynolds? Oh, Mr. Reynolds?"

He knew he was tied to the bed before he opened his eyes, could feel the rough grain of the rope biting into his wrists. He felt the cold press of a knife blade against his chest, remembered when it was Inara's lips. He let his eyes drift open.

"There you are."

"There you are! Hey, where've you been? Wanted to invite you to my Christmas party. Though I guess you're gonna have some trouble doin' the limbo. Somebody break your leg?"

Niska backhanded him across the face, and Mal struggled not to groan. She had to stay in that closet, had to stay hidden.

"I've been waiting a long time for this, Mr. Reynolds."

"About that Mr. Reynolds thing. Why don't you call me Mal, and I'll call you a tian sha de e mo--" The fist slammed into his gut before he could finish that statement.

"Is it true what they say?" he asked when he caught his breath. "Does absence really make the heart grow--ahhhh!" The blood from the knife wound dripped down his side, over the sheets he and Inara had been rolling on just moments before.

At the top of the closet, curled in a ball in the crawl space, Inara covered her ears. She laid her head down against her knees and wept silently into his coat.

"Never was no dignitary, was there?" he asked when his side started to go numb.

"I think of myself as very dignified, Mr. Reynolds. But, alas, no, there was no buyer."

"Well, then, looks like you just screwed yourself into paying for my room."

"For you and a lady, I'm told."

Mal employed every ounce of his talent for lying, cheating and misleading.

"You just missed her. Don't worry, she was a might tall for you, anyway."

Niska let out a high, death-rattle of a laugh.

"Still, the boy at the desk said she was very lovely. Very...exotic."

Mal snorted a laugh, shrugged.

"If you like that type."

"You prefer blondes?"

"I prefer the ones don't flap their mouths so much."

"Ah. So she is nothing to you?"

"Wouldn't say that." Careful, he warned himself. "Can do some pretty tricky things with her mouth when she ain't flappin' it."

"And where did she go, your talented whore?"

"Guess she had other whorin'."

"How unfortuante. Still, we've enough to keep us occupied here, no?"

"I 'spect we do," Mal said, watching as the knife inched closer.

---

Inara closed her eyes, rocked. Shepard Book. Be with me now, she thought silently. But she couldn't summon the preacher's comforting face, the shock of salt-and-pepper hair, those thoughtful, forgiving brown eyes. And so, like Mal ordered, she went away. She was a girl again, crouching in a closet not unlike this one, listening to her father's business conversation while she was supposed to be playing by the poolside. It had been too bright outside; the light stung her eyes. She'd left her mother, baking, half-asleep by the water, and crept upstairs to find her dad. Someone waved him on the cortex. He crouched over the screen, not seeing as she wandered past, hid in the bottom of the closet. She was still there when the woman arrived, the most beautiful, glamorous women Inara had ever seen. The pair began to converse in low voices.

---

"I've invented something, Mr. Reynolds. A seram or sorts. Would you like to hear about it?"

"Not exactly in a position to argue."

"You handled my physical torment very admirably, Mr. Reynolds. A pity we were interrupted by those disagreeable friends of yours."

"Cryin' shame," Mal agreed.

"I knew that when we would meet next, I'd have to offer you something new. Something...extraordinary." He held up a syringe filled with shiny silvery liquid.

"Couldn't we just stick with the electrocution?" Mal asked. "Electrocution was good."

"You won't find this physically painful. Just a quick needle prick." Mal felt the substance sliding through his veins. "But then...ah. The most excruciating emotional torment imaginable. Beyond imagination."

Mal eyed Niska doubtfully.

"I'm fairly certain you don't know who you're dealing with here."

---

Mal was back in the war, back in the valley. The stench, wo de ma, the stench. He felt the heat of the gun blasts on his cheek, saw red everywhere, rivers of it. He watched Zoe take a bullet in the arm, scream once, wince, and keep firing.

"Won't be much longer now, Sarge. Sarge?"

He couldn't answer because he knew. He knew the futility, the hopelessness, the angels that would never come down. And the death. Oh, he knew the death.

Then heard the voice.

"Captain." Then, "Daddy?"

He fought to answer.

---

"River?" he asked through his haze, sliding in and out of consciousness, time, awareness. He heard her scream and scream.

"River?" he called again. "Baby, you got to get ahold. You gotta tell Jayne. Tell Vera," he said helplessly.

Then all was silent. He was alone with the dark and the bodies and the quiet. He wanted to lie down, wanted to give up, give in. Then he heard the voice.

"Stay with me, Captain."

"Wash?" He wondered what kind of crazy he'd descended into now. Talking to his dead pilot through the medium of his new one.

"Been awhile, Mal." Wash's voice was warm, strong and full of life unlike the last time he'd seen him. "Seems like not a whole lot's changed. You're still humping up the job at every turn. And still not humpin' poor Inara. So why haven't you given it to her yet? Scared she's had better?"

"Drop dead!" Mal said half-heartedly.

"Already did!" Wash retorted cheerfully.

---


	6. Chapter 6

---

River shook with the convulsions, seeing it all, feeling everything. Simon carried her to the infirmary, laid her on the table.

"River?" He held her shoulders, trying to make the shaking stop.

"Oh, God," Kaylee whispered, near tears. "Poor sweetie."

"What in the gorram hell's goin' on in here?" Jayne demanded from the hallway. "Girl's hollerin' loud enough to wake the--" He stopped short in the doorway, seeing River's slim, shuddering body writhe around on the table. A strange sensation twitched in his chest. Suddenly, she sat straight up, smacking her head on the hanging lamp.

"You're the one he needs. Go to him, go to Daddy now. Go!"

Jayne scrutinized the little witch, cheeks wet, eyes blazing, hair in disarray with damp strands plastered to her forehead. He looked at Simon who shrugged helplessly, already using gauze to dab at the spot where River had hit her head.

"Something's wrong with the cap'n?" Kaylee asked. "Oh, and Nara! Jayne!"

"I'm takin' Inara's shuttle," he muttered. "Stay on the gorram ship."

He went to find Vera.

"What about Zoe?" Kaylee murmured, holding River's hand as Simon bandaged her temple.

"Zoe don't go," River said firmly. Then, whimpering, she lay back down on the table, curling her knees up to her chest in preparation for the next wave of pain.

---

A bullet, tearing through flesh, muscle. Mal let Zoe wrap his arm with a strand of fabric torn from her shirt. And suddenly it didn't hurt anymore. Actually, felt like nothin' more 'n a pinprick. And then he was slipping away again. The Valley faded into the background, the sky going gray, then white. In place of star light and gun blasts, he saw the warm glow of Chinese lanterns. The smell of death became incense, maybe vanilla. He sucked in air, so clean after the filth of the valley. Then he remembered.

"Just a few drops of the antidote, Mr. Reynolds." A small, bespectacled face loomed before his eyes. "I have to know, wherever did you go?"

"Hell." The sweat dripped into his eyes, stinging. "Nice an' toasty this time of year. Hear they're savin' you a spot."

"Next to Mr. Hitler, I imagine," Niska said with a low cackle.

Mal raised a brow, the movement hurting his swollen eyes.

"Who?"

---

Mal dropped to his knees in the trench. He'd just spend fifteen minutes giving CPR to some poor bastard with half a lung blown out of his chest. Kid couldn't been nineteen. He collapsed in the dirt, somewhat shielded from the bullets raining down outside. Breathing heavy, he lowered his chin to his chest, wishing for death, wishing for whatever came after death. Then he saw the glimmer of gold, gleaming around his neck. He ripped off the empty symbol and held it away from his face, eyeing the broken man who'd betrayed him. He hurled the cross in the direction of the gun blasts and closed his weary eyes.

"Mal! Wake up, you lazy bastard."

"Wash? They're hurting her," he groaned. "I can't help her."

"No, Mal. She's safe."

"Yeah?" He could have wept.

"I'm sure, Mal. Except for the part where she's gone crazy enough to consider humping you, she's right as rain. Right as rain. What the hell's that mean anyway? Alas, I always secretly thought she was the wisest of us all. Don't tell Zoe I said that. But, hell, Mal, shows what I know. Anybody goes to bed with you gotta be missin' more than a few brain cells."

"Yeah." He had to grit his teeth, block out the images tearing through his brain. He wanted to sleep, wanted it with every fiber of his being. "I guess she...guess she..."

"Nice comback, Captain! I do miss that dizzying verbal wit of yours. Captain? Mal!"

"Ai ya! Quit yellin' in my head, Wash."

"You're just afraid, a gorram cowarad. Afraid she's had better--real men who satisfied her. Ones who made her writhe--you ever make a woman writhe, Captain? Bet lots of 'em gave it to her, and good."

"Bi zui. Shut up."

"You know, there's a spot just behind the knees, and if you work it with your lips...well--" He chuckled.

"Don't believe I'm needin' sex tips from you, Wash."

"Just a quick refresher course, make sure you still remember where all the parts go. Not like you've got anything better to do."

"Not so. I've got all the emotional torture. And then there's the dyin' to get to."

"Nobody's dyin' tonight, Mal. Think of me as your very own blond-haired, blue-eyed guardian angel. We're in this together, buddy."

"What do you want, a thank you card? Why don't you get the hell outta my head?"

"You die here and I'll be with you forever, Mal. Two aging ghosts, tellin' dirty jokes and playing canasta in the cargo bay?"

"God help me."

---

He'd stopped screaming, and for that she thanked God, Buddha, whomever in the immense, infinite 'verse might be listening. Now he just moaned ocasionally, choked as though breathing was a struggle. Inara lay motionless, petrified, in the hiding space that once held precious trinkets: baubles and antique pistols and family portaits.

She'd hid at the bottom of the closet that day, a small girl of eight or nine, easily concealed in the folds of her mother's gowns. Her father poured the other woman a drink, sat back on the sofa.

"Mr. Serra, I'm very grateful you agreed to see me this afternoon."

Inara had never seen anyone so...flawless. Her own mother was a beauty, or had been before she discovered wine. By noon, she was often finishing her first bottle. But this woman was exquisite, composed. Her hair fell in shining curls from a complicated knot atop her head. Inara would have loved to touch her dress, the fabric a vibrant, shimmering blue-green the same shade as her eyes. One day, Inara vowed to own one like it.

"Please. I'm a powerful man in certain circles, but it isn't very often I'm waved by a registered companion," Inara's father protested. "And to meet one of your considerable fame and stature...well, the honor is mine."

"You're very gracious. I'll be direct, Mr. Serra. Forgive me for bringing up such an ugly matter on such a lovely day. But word of your recent--and I'm sure, temporary--financial difficulties has reached my sisters and I at the Guild."

Inara's father shot a glance at the door, as though reassuring himself of his wife's absence.

"You're not wrong, though I do expect to have the matter resolved by the end of the year. Two at most."

"Let me help you." The woman's voice was inviting, easy.

He looked baffled.

"What do you want from me?"

"Mr. Serra, I once saw your wife dance at the Osiris theatre in Capital City."

"Uh, yes. She used to be a ballerina. She was the best, the absolute pinnacle. But that was years ago, before she...well, it was a long while ago."

The beautiful woman reached out her hand, stroked it gently over Inara's father's.

"I'm told the daughter resembles the mother quite remarkably."

---

Since the war ended, one thought and one thought alone had kept Mal Reynolds going. Sure he and his crew got shot at more 'n a little, got cheated outta what they'd rightfully stolen, got chased to the ass end of the solar system and back. But even when the goin' got gray, which was most of the time, Mal kept his head for one reason. No matter how bad it got, he knew he'd never have to go back to that gorram war.

He hadn't counted on his talent for making friends.

"Mr. Reynolds?" Niska pulled him out of the valley again. Mal felt his head spin as he landed with a jolt in the middle of the bed.

"We gonna get started with the real torture soon?" he muttered through gritted teeth. 'Cuz I'm a little bored."

Niska chuckled.

"I'm very sorry you aren't feeling more entertained, Mr. Reynolds. I'm enjoying myself rather immensely."

"You don't get out a lot, do you. Can't imagine the ladies go much for that shriveled-psychotic-bad-guy look. So last year, ya know?"

Mal bit back a groan as Niska's thug plunged a needle in his arm, searched without much skill for a vein. Inara, stay hidden, he pleaded silently, just before he went under again. Don't let the bastard lure you out. Stay safe, bao bei, stay...

And then he was back in a trench, choking on dirt and dry, searing air.

---

Inara had told a lie. She wasn't going to live. Who could live after this? Who would wish to? She smelled his hair soap on the collar of his coat. Grateful, she dug her hands deep into the pockets as though the familiar brown fabric could hug her, as though Mal could. And then she felt the switchblade, nestled deep in the lining. Wondering whether she was going crazy--already gone?--she slid the knife from the pocket, flicked it open. And smiled. One thing about Malcom Reynolds--he always came prepared. And just like that, she'd made her decision. She would keep her promise to Mal. She would live. But someone else wouldn't.

Soundlessly, she slid the wood paneling out of the way, began to lower herself to the closet floor.

---

"Aw, hell, Mal. You didn't kill me. You didn't drive that harpoon into my rutting chest."

"No. I just put you in the chair."

"Yeah, Mal, okay, you stubborn wang ba dan? You gave me a job, let me fly that piece of gou shi around the sky. And don't forget the part where you introduced me to my beloved."

"Okay, that part was all her. Sure as hell wasn't me told her to get in your bed."

"So, what, you shoulda tossed me off your boat that day? Found someone else to fly you from crime to crime?"

"Coulda woulda shoulda."

"Ha. You'd be humped. Reaver meat."

"Oh, you're not that good."

"I'm amazing, admit it. You hired me cuz I was the best...and, well, pretty gorram cute, gosh darn it."

Mal snorted a laugh.

"I shoulda booted you and that yu ben de mustache the hell off my ship."

Mal was fading fast, losing himself. He watched Zoe realize the truth, that the angels weren't coming. She never cried that day, but he did, later, alone in a hole in the ground.

"Give me a little credit, Mal. You think it was your winning charm that kept me around all these years? Your rugged good looks? I made my own choices, you son of a bitch--Mal! Gorramit, listen to me."

"I'm listenin'. Ren si Fo zu, you're annoying even dead."

"You didn't kill me, Mal. But you die here, leave my wife and the little girl she's carrying...well, that'll be all you, buddy."

"Think about this, Wash. You really want me to have a hand in raisin' your kid? You want her to grow up to be like her Uncle Mal? Which part in particular you hopin' she takes after? The thievin? The gorram runnin', never stoppin'? That what you want, Wash?"

"Hell, Mal, I didn't want any of this. I wanted to take a holiday with my gorgeous amazon of a wife, watch her bathe in a tub of pink rose petals, make wicked love to her in a big bed you don't need a ladder to get to. You got any idea how hard it is to climb down a ladder when you're all drunk and lusty?"

"Ain't the torture enough, Wash? I really need to be hearin' this just now?"

"I wanted to keep stealin' from the rich and selling to the poor. Get a couple big pay-offs, buy my girl a slinky dress, some decent wine. Someday, I wanted to watch Zoe grow fat with my kid, hold him in my lap and play carnivore strikes back in the cockpit. I wanted to teach him to fly, show him the ruttin' stars. I didn't want any of this, Mal. Can't say that was how I planned to go out, staked through the chest with my baby watchin'. But, hey, stuff happens, you know? Fate's a bitch. But what can you do? We all make choices, sacrifices. I made mine, and I'm a man enough to say it. Hell, Mal, you didn't kill me. But you lose yourself here, if you let that ta ma de hun dan drive you insane and leave my Zoe alone--well, that'll be all you, Mal."

---

Inara slid the knife between her cleavage. Half-amused, half-insane now, she realized that Mal would likely appreciate that. He'd commend her for using her "assets" before he strangled her for what she was about to do. Inara had been on Serenity for some time now. She'd never worried about enraging Mal before and had no intention of starting just because their relationship had...evolved. Realizing in some part of her brain that everything was about to change, that she was changing forever and irrevokably, Inara whispered a prayer to Buddha and pushed open the closet doors.

They were trying to bring him out of it. One of the men slid a needle in Mal's arm and Niska was calling to him, slapping lightly at his face.

"Mr. Rey-nolds..."

Her footsteps creaked on the old wood floors, and the men turned.

The expression of surprise on the hun dan's face was nearly reward enough.

"Oh, my," he said slowly. Then the smile spread, warping his features.

"Wake up, Mr. Reynolds. It would appear you have a visitor. And a very lovely one at that." He motioned for his associate to bring Inara to him.

Mal stirred, struggling to wake up. Something was wrong...well, wronger. Then he saw her. And he felt something break deep inside him.

"No." He blinked, trying hard to focus. "Get out of here. Run away," he said weakly. "Inara, run."

"You're a bit early for the funeral, my dear. Maybe a day or two more. Still, I'm sure we can find something to keep you occupied till then, yes?"

There was a noise by the outside door. It sounded like metal cracking wood. Niska jerked his head, and the associate who was clutching Inara's arm in his giant fist released her, went to check the door.

"Niska." Mal fought to hang on to whatever sanity he had left. "Let her go, and I'll give you what you want. You want me to break, you bastard? I'll ruttin' break. Just let her...please..."

"Are you begging, Mr. Reynolds?"

Inara trembled, feeling Niska's hand close around her wrist, pull her in so Mal could see better.

"I'm very disappointed, you know." Niska turned to Mal sadly, shook his head. "I expected more from you, Mr. Reynolds. Giving up and for a little girl, a common whore, no less."

Inara slid her free hand between her breasts, lifted the switchblade. Without hesitating, without thinking really, she drove the knife between Niska's ribs.

"She doesn't like being called a whore," Inara said, not stopping to wonder why she was referring to herself in the third-person. She felt like River, powerful.

She withdrew the knife, plunging the blade deeper, where she knew the heart to be. Only when the old man was staring up at her from the ground, eyes open and dead, did she let the knife fall from her fingers, slip wetly to the rug. She looked at her hands, saw red.

She hardly heard the sound of gunfire in the hallway. A second later the bedroom door splintered open. Jayne stood in the entrance, rounds of ammo slung over his neck, Vera outstretched in his hands. He took in the sight of Mal, still tied to the bedpost, Inara crouched on the floor over Niska's prone form.

"Huh. So you guys are good here, then."

---

River gave a soft sigh and ceased that sad, silent weeping as suddenly as it had begun. A ghost of a smile flickered over her lips.

"Mei mei?" Simon stroked back her hair. "Are you alright?"

"Need to sleep now." She looked up at him gratefully, put a hand to the side of his face. "Love you, Simon. Go be with Kaylee."

"Are you sure? I can stay if you need me."

She huffed out a sigh, squeezed his hand once, before tucking her own under her head.

"Go do your girlfriend, Simon. Be alive, hard, virile." Her smile remained in place as her eyes drifted closed.

He found Kaylee waiting outside the door, watching them through the glass.

"River really okay?" she asked shakily.

"My sister is very strong. Perhaps stronger than I ever gave her credit."

"Jayne just waved us." Kaylee stepped into Simon's arms, felt his skillfull surgeon's fingers kneed into her back. "They're coming home. It was Niska." Her voice broke on the last word.

Simon felt something inside him go cold as a damp clammyness arose in his chest. He recalled very clearly the way Mal looked last time Niska got ahold of him.

"What condition...how are they?"

"Alls Jayne said was theys all walkin' and talkin'. So they gotta be good, right? Fine, I mean?"

Simon just snuggled her close against his chest, feeling her warm, curvy figure curl trustingly against him. He bent his head to kiss the top of her head.

"Right, fine. I'm sure they're fine, bao bei."

---

Mal actually knocked.

"Inara? Can I, uh, have permission to enter my own shuttle?" Ai ya, this was tougher than expected.

"This is a first," she said when he approached the bed. She sat back against the headboard, knees drawn to her chest. She'd bathed away the evil of that hotel room, washed the blood from her hands. Mal breathed her in, all lavender and cleanliness.

"Gorrammit, if this shuttle don't smell like Jayne now." Mal sniffed, sat a little awkwardly on the edge of her bed. "The aroma of sweat and questionable morals."

A faint smile touched her lips, didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I suppose we should excuse it on account of his having saved our lives back there."

"Yeah, 'spect we should."

He lifted one of her hands, examining the delicate fingers with their perfect, rounded nails, painted a warm peachy gold just shades apart from her skin tone. Those hands were for soothing, brushing Kaylee's hair, applying a light squeeze to Zoe's shoulder in passing, quieting River when she was in one of her states. He'd thought maybe they could be for him as well, recalled the way they'd felt stroking his face, following her mouth down his chest and abdomen. He thought about the parts of his body that had yet to feel those exquisite hands.

"I didn't ever want that to touch you," he said, feeling oddly truthsome. Feeling broken.

"You sacrificed yourself to make sure it didn't."

"You shouldn't o' been anywhere near it. Shouldn't o' had to do what you did. Was for me to kill the hun dan." God, it wasn't for her.

"He deserved to die. I don't regret being the one to do it."

He might have believed her, had her voice not been shaking.

"Come here."

She bit her lip. She was about to cry. Wo de ma, please don't let her cry.

"Mal, it's not that I don't want to. I just...tonight may not be..."

"Shut up and come here." He pulled her close to settle the matter. "I wanna hold you."

She met his eyes with a look of gratitude Mal found harder to bear than the tears. She lay down with her head on his chest, let him hold her, rub her back, stay until she slept.

---


	7. Chapter 7

---

Mal woke in Inara's bed just before five. He groaned, realizing his side hurt more 'n a little where the knife had sliced sensitive flesh. Inara stirred when he slid out from under her.

"Mal?"

Her hair was sleep-tousled, the strap of her nightgown slipping down to bare a single smooth shoulder.

"Best I be gettin' back to my bunk, 'fore the others wake. Don't wanna be causin' any rumblings amongst the crew."

"Of course." Inara lay back, her hair strewn over the pillows. "Wouldn't want to arouse...suspicion."

"They all know, huh."

"Simon, Kaylee and River at least. Zoe, I'm certain. Possibly Jayne. Probably."

The air felt frigid, the floor icy beneath his socks-clad feet. Mal rubbed his hands together. He watched Inara, snuggled under the covers, her body warm from sleep and achingly inviting.

"Couple more hours won't kill nobody."

Mal climbed back into bed, tugged Inara into his arms. He pulled her under him and rested his head on her silk-covered stomach. He fell asleep that way, her hand playing in his hair.

---

He didn't look like Wash, not really. The coloring maybe, the pale, cornstalk hair, skin the color of a peach, eyes that recalled the sky, and not the black one she saw every day. But he was pounds lighter, years younger. So really, the vague resemblance didn't explain her taking him into her bed. If anyone asked--not that she planned on advertising, not that she wanted to admit it--she would have said she was lonely, both in body and mind. That was true enough, though still not the real reason she invited him down to her bunk, undressed them both in the dark, let him climb on top of her.

Then they made love except it wasn't that at all. Wash had called it that, a term she'd never before tied to the act, so coarse and gritty and primal. Somewhere along the line it must have stuck in her head, become a part of her vocabulary. But Wash was dead. No one would ever make love to her again.

Still, rutting was better dreaming. In the dreams, his body made love while his words ripped at her soul.

River told her Gideon meant powerful warrior. Zoe could recall a time when she'd been one of those.

---

Was best to do some things 'fore you were awake enough to know better. Not remotely certain what he was about to say, Mal knocked at her door, shoved in the ladder.

"You decent down there, Zoe?"

"If I say yes, you gonna come in?"

Taking that for acquiescence, Mal descended the steps. Zoe sat on her bed, tying her boot laces.

"Little early for social calls, sir."

"Yep, the others' all asleep. I got lonely all by my lonesome." He sat beside her.

"Really? No one else more...willing for you to be botherin' just now?"

"Don't quite know what you mean by that, Zoe."

"Of course not, sir." She concentrated on her left boot so he wouldn't see the smile twitching her lips.

"Don't know why I'm gettin' all this lip. I even brought you tea, on account of the no coffee rule." He held up a thermos. "That's gotta be a might painful. Used to warn Wash not to look at you 'fore you had your second cup." He was pushing, testing her to see what was okay. He felt relief slid over him when she smiled, accepted the thermos.

"Ain't it a bit early for you to be so cheersome, sir?"

"Feels like a good day."

"Jayne shoulda told me what was going down yesterday. Wasn't right, them all keepin' me in the dark that way."

"Woulda sent you a wave, but I was a little busy."

"Wasn't right, sir. Wasn't right, Inara having to do that."

"No, don't imagine anybody thinks it was. Listen, Zoe, I ever thank you for bandagin' my arm that time?

"Which time was that, sir?"

"Serenity Valley."

"Gonna have to be more specific, sir."

"Upper arm, rights about here." Mal pushed up his sleeve, revealing a faint white scar. "I ever say thanks after that?"

"You stopped bleedin', sir. Figured that was your way o' sayin' it."

"Wouldn't o' made it through those weeks without you, you know."

"I know."

Mal stood, leaned against the wall.

"That kid you're hatchin'--not gonna be too ugly, I'm guessin'. Gonna have to give her a gun to fend off the overeager ones, teach her to shoot."

"Please don't buy my daughter a gun, sir."

"Not till she's older least. I'll try not to corrupt her morals till she's outta diapers. Though 'haps..."

"Sir?"

"Never woulda thought this way before. But maybe, because of her daddy and other folk like him, she wont' have to live in the world that we do."

"You sure you're shiny, sir?"

"Told ya, it's a good day."

---

They left Beaumonde at noon. Gideon took off early in the morning, his departure as quiet and unobtrusive as his stay. Mal bid Cora goodbye in the cargo bay.

"I'm just glad that hun dan's dead." She stood on tip toe, kissed his cheek. "You lead quite an interesting life, Malcom Reynolds."

"Could say the same." He put a friendly hand on her stomach. "You take care, the both of ya, hear?"

"I will, Malcom."

He pressed a coin bag into her hand.

"And soon as you gets where you're goin', send us a wave with where to reach ya. Things didn't go 'xactly as planned last night. Otherwise, there'd be more..."

Cora smiled gratefully and lifted her duffel. She slung it over one shoulder, descending down the ramp. She paused at the bottom, turned back with a toss of her short blond hair. For a moment, she looked the way he remembered her. Young and lovely and innocent in the morning light.

"That Badger man might be the disreputable sort, but still I feel rather indebted to him." She smiled, shrugged a shoulder. "At least I got to see you. Now I can know you're...well, I know you're standing. I owe him for that."

"Yeah, me too."

Badger. Huh.

---

Shooting Inara a don't-you-dare-laugh look, Mal emptied the cargo from the Persephone job on top of the kitchen table.

A mosh pit of wobbly-headed geisha dolls stared up at him.

"Aw, shiny, I love those! Can I have one, Cap'n?"

"Sure you can, Kaylee." Mal lifted one of the brightly-painted, colorful kimono-wearing dolls and slammed her neck into the edge of the table until the head popped off, rolled over to jar Simon's tea cup.

Inara and Kaylee jumped. Even Simon looked rather stunned. Mal handed the head to Jayne, reached inside the belly and pulled out a tightly-rolled plastic bag. He tossed the bag on the table and took the head back from Jayne, popping it on backwards. He gave the doll to Kaylee who looked down at her sorrowfully.

"Mal." Inara reached for the bag, held the blue-green leaves up to the light. "Is this what I think it is?"

"Grade A government contraband Everlift, fresh from bootlegged bonsai trees, stolen right outta top-secret Boros greenhouses," Mal said, taking it back. "Try sayin' that thrice fast."

"Wo de tian a, the Cap'n scored us lift?" Kaylee dropped the dismembered doll, whose head fell to the floor, and tried to grab the bag.

Mal held it over her head.

"Uh uh. This is to sell to poor folk, hear me? Poor people. Do right by the less fortunate."

"We're pretty unfortunate," Kaylee pouted, leaning back in her chair.

"You got a buyer lined up?" Jayne asked.

"I know a fellow might be interested."

"Expanding the family business from petty theft to drug trafficking. Quite an exciting day for you, Captain."

"Always good to broaden one's horizons, Doctor."

"Simon," Inara corrected. "You know Everlift leaves are mostly harmless."

"That's what they said about Earth-that-was." He waited patiently for the laugh that never came. "I take it none of you've read Douglas Adams."

"He one of those fancy poets you like, sweetie?" Kaylee curled an arm around him.

"He wrote science fiction, eons ahead of his time. Said all a space traveler requires is a copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide and a good towel...?

"That's just ruttin' dumb," Jayne expressed. "Least need a gun, maybe couple grenades. Hey, so who's this buyer, Mal? He takin' all of it?"

"Not rightly sure. Old buddy from the war got hisself made mayor of a township on Silverhold. The man throws the most wild parties this part of the sky. Think he might take most of it off our hands, and for a fair price."

"Hell, that rock ain't more 'n a few days ride from us."

"But, Jayne, seein' as he's a friend of the Cap'n's...don't ya think we should try out the merchandise 'fore we go sellin' it?" Kaylee asked, eyes all innocent.

"Yeah, Mal. I wanna do what's right," Jayne agreed, seeing where she was going.

"What you're all sayins you wanna be morally sound drug dealers." Mal appraised them over his coffee mug. He sighed and held up his hands.

"Fine. You wanna rot your brains, be my guest."

Kaylee and Jayne exchanged glances, as though waiting for Mal to change his mind.

He just sat, arms folded.

Jayne grabbed the bag, started for the door.

"I'll get a flamer."

Kaylee hesitated, raised her eyes at Simon.

"Oh, come now, Doctor," Mal said, looking for an ally in the kid. "You can't tell me you're a proponent of such things."

"W-well, not a proponent, no. But, once in a while for...recreation..."

Mal raised an eyebrow.

"Simon, you've actually..." Kaylee gaped at him, wide-eyed.

"Well, when I was in university a few of us tried it a...a few times. Not since then."

"What's that, Doc, three whole years?" Mal muttered, hiding a smile in his coffee.

"More like four," Simon corrected sheepishly.

"Kaylee!" Jayne's voice boomed impatiently down the hall. "Get some gorram paper for a wrap and let's move already."

Kaylee held out her hand to Simon who took it, with an uneasy glance at Mal.

"This is gonna be so shiny!" She kissed him on the lips, open-mouthed and long enough for Mal and Inara to exchange glances. She fairly skipped out of the kitchen, forcing Simon into a jog to keep up.

Mal and Inara were left at the table with about twenty-five drug-smuggling geisha dolls between them.

Mal groaned inwardly. What was with his gorram crew? Always hoverin', invadin' his privacy, even his brain in certain cases. Then, the one time he coulda done with a little company, all of 'em head for the hills. He glanced at Inara across the table. Funny, things felt simpler when she was snappin' at his throat steada touching her lips there, nuzzling and licking with featherlight brushes. Okay, new topic.

"So." Mal tapped a little rhythm on the table.

"So," Inara agreed, her expression still one of amusement after Kaylee's display.

"You know I'm inclined to think Lil Kaylee might have a point." Mal lifted one of the stern-faced geishas, turned her over in his hands. "'Haps it is best to try some--just a speck, mind you--'fore we pass it on to the good folk of Silverhold."

"You do have your reputation to consider," Inara said, straight-faced.

"Right. Man like me garners a certain respectability over the years. Can't be compromisin' that."

"We wouldn't want your criminal colleagues to think any less of you."

"I'm glad you're with me on this, Inara."

"Wait...with you?"

---

Jayne ambled down the hall singing a song whose words he couldn't quite remember. So he invented his own, a pleasing little melody about a working man, a commoner. He'd nicked a couple of Mal's music discs while the captain was off not screwin' Inara. Lift always left him with a powerful musical urge. Jayne headed toward his room, passed Kaylee's bunk. He paused to listen outside her door, resting his arm against the wall. He jumped when he heard the crash, stumbled back and almost tripped. A high-pitched shriek dissolved into giggles. Jayne heard the doc's voice mumble something low and insistent.

"Ohhh. Simon," Kaylee groaned.

"What do ya know? Lil' Kaylee finally managed to mellow the doc out. It's a gorram Lift miracle."

Jayne meandered back to his bunk, in no particular rush. Truth be told, he felt a little lonely. Not that he wanted anyone's company in particular--hell, he barely liked most of 'em--but still, he was a little, well, bored. Things was different when Shepherd Book was alive. Then he always had someone to talk to, lift his weights. 'Course that was all over now. Preacher was dead--to linger on it was as good as bein' dead hisself, and Jayne Cobb sure as hell wasn't dead. He was very much alive. Resigned to spending the evening with his own self, Jayne settled down on his bunk, switched on the music.

"Lennon, eh," he read off the cover of Mal's disc. "Who the hell's he?"

"A Russian revolutionary." River slid out from under his bunk so fast he nearly screamed. "Also, a Beatle."

"Never mind no foreign bug singer! What you doin' in my bunk, girl?"

"Not in, under." River smiled, sat cross-legged on the floor. "Precision of speech is key to avoiding confusion."

"Aw, can't you go confound some other folk? I was feelin' mighty good till you got here."

"They're acting strange, laughing when nothing's funny."

"That's 'cuz they're toasted, crazy girl. Why don't you go on to bed? Sure you're brother will be back to his usual dull self by the time you wake up."

"Gonna sleep in here with Jayne."

" 'Give peace a chance?' That's one crazy Russian, you ask me. I--wait a gorram minute, what'd you just say?"

"Gonna sleep here. Feels safer here."

"Like hell you are."

"You're lonely."

"Ain't lonely, gorram mind-reader."

"You call me a witch."

"Didn't a bunch o' folk with pointy sticks try and burn you at the stake?"

"The witch makes you hot inside."

"Huh!"

"You think I'm pretty." She smiled sweetly, a little sadly, and knelt on the floor up by his pillow.

"Gotta say your prayers before bed, Jayne Cobb."

---

"My father wasn't a cruel man, Mal." She felt the smoke sting her eyes as the drug clouded her brain. "I wasn't some innocent child sold into sexual slavery. I wasn't River, kidnapped by evil torturers."

"Go sui. How old were you when he let them take you?"

"He gave me the choice. I was fourteen when she returned for me, young and yet not a child. Karina--that was her name--explained what a companion's life entailed, and I chose to go with her. My father wouldn't have forced me if I refused."

"He sounds like quite the humanitarian. Want Jayne and me to pay him a little visit? The kind with grenades?"

"You're a little late, Mal. He took matters into his own hands, about five years ago." He's eaten his own gun, just days shy of her twentieth birthday.

Mal looked away.

" 'Bout your mama?"

"My mother passed away the year before him. I think she found out about the agreement he made with Karina. She drank before I..." Inara shrugged a shoulder, reached for the wrap dangling from Mal's fingers. "She turned worse after I left home. In the end she drowned in expensive champagne and the finest imported vodka."

Inara inhaled long and hard, started to cough, then started to giggle.

"In some ways, I was very lucky, Mal. I enjoyed the benefits of a classical education because of the contract my father made. Learned and experienced a great deal more than if I'd stayed in his house. "

"Hell, give the bastard a medal."

"I learned history, languages, literature. We studied the arts--music and dance--though, to the House Madame's chagrin, I lacked my mother's natural aptitude in that forum."

"I'm sure they got their money's worth in other ways." He inhaled, breathed out a cloud of smoke.

"Artists visited the Guild, taught the girls sketching, painting. They taught us basic sciences. I learned to fence, to make charming dinner conversation, to read anyone and to please him. Or her."

"Her, huh? How many more hits it gonna take 'fore I can hear a her story."

She elbowed him lightly, and for several moments they laughed together, laughed until they were gasping. Mal giggling. She never thought she'd see the day.

"I don't pity myself, Mal," she said when they grew quiet. "When my father entered into that bargain, I gained something extraordinary. My years at the Guild taught me many invaluable lessons."

"Bet they didn't teach you how to kill."

She wanted to be angry, be offended. Her brain couldn't quite manage it. Instead, she took back the wrap, breathed in the blue-green plant's fragrant aroma and giggled.

"No, Mal. I don't believe that was on the syllabus."

Mal grabbed it again, stabbed it to death in the tin mug they were using in place of an ash tray. She held her hand in front of her face, as though the lines of her palm fascinated. Then, as though realizing where she was, whom she was with, she smiled her sad, graceful smile: the one that beguiled, the one that concealed.

"That man was unconscionable and twisted. None of us would have been safe, so long as he was breathing."

"But you're still hurting."

She looked up at him through the smoke haze.

"I don't regret putting the knife in him, Mal. I'd do it again."

"I know you would. 'Cuz you're strong, Inara. Still, nothin' wrong with lettin' on that it hurts. You always feel it hardest your first time." For her there wouldn't be a second time. Not so long as he was breathin'.

Inara stood up, twisting her hands.

"I need some time, Mal," she said, looking down at him.

"Thought you might."

"I'm grateful you were with me last night. Believe me, I don't know that I would have made it though if you hadn't... But now I-I need space, time to think and clear my head." Time to cleanse and renew.

"You take all of it you need. Only, Inara?"

She hesitated at the door, turned back to him.

"Don't take too much."

Head spinning, Inara made her way back to her shuttle. She hadn't lied to Mal exactly. He'd assumed, and she hadn't corrected him. What happened in that Inn, what she did to Niska--it hadn't been her first time. There was another.

---


	8. Chapter 8

---

It wasn't often Malcom Reynolds got this sort of reception. Hell, usually he was lucky to get any reception at all. A punch in the jaw was more likely. This--this weren't half bad.

He and River had brought Serenity in just after dark, landed her in a clearing 'bout half a mile north of the Brandywine Township.

"Malcom Ruttin' Reynolds, you old son of a." Mayor Parsons met them by a moonlit grove of trees--actually, the entire planet seemed to be trees.

Inara leaned close to Zoe, taking her arm.

"You're sure they were friends, right?"

Zoe smiled, patted Inara's hand reassuringly.

"Mal...do you remember the last time we had Everlift?" Parsons swayed slightly, as though he'd already begun the celebration.

"I remember you teaching me how to inhale. Then I don't remember much of anythin."

Parsons slapped him heartily on the shoulder.

"That's a boy. C'mon, see what the missus and I cooked up for you all."

---

Reclining in the grass, legs extended, Mal watched his crew with something akin to satisfaction. If a warm reception was a rarity, then this--all of 'em well and fed and smilin' mostly--was a gorram miracle.

Simon and Kaylee were dancing. The doctor had dragged her out where the others were, insisting when she hesitated, blushed and said she didn't know the steps. Mal watched him twirl her around in some high-society fashion. The pair looked a bit out of place amidst the Brandywine folk, who were simple country people in their plaids and denims. Still, she was beaming, her cheekbones cutting high in her face, her hair flying as Simon spun her about, dipped her low to the ground. If Kaylee was happy, things were right with the world.

River was watching them too. She smiled when she saw Mal looking, waved at him across the way. She sat with Zoe in a patch of moonlight. Every few minutes, she bent her head close to Zoe's stomach, murmured something softly as though addressing the baby. For all Mal knew, the kid talked back to her.

Mal let his gaze swing over to Jayne. He was drinking, of course, telling a story that seemed to require a great deal of gesturin' to a pretty girl with red curls. An older gentleman sidled up to them, not lookin' too steady on his feet.

"How'd you like a taste of my daughter's wine, son?" the man entreated, clapping a hand on the red-head's shoulder.

"Jayne," Mal called. He waited until his mercenary looked over, shook his head emphatically 'no.'

Jayne looked confused, then relieved.

"Not fallin' for that one again," Mal murmured.

"Not falling for which one?" Inara asked.

Mal looked up at her. Her cheeks were pink from the chill in the night air, her eyes bright.

"Wondered where you disappeared to."

"I went for a walk. It's beautiful here."

"Not a bad stretch of land. If one's inclined to stay grounded."

"Will Malcom Reynolds ever be so inclined?"

"Can't rightly say. Not any time soon, I 'spect." He took a breath, rooted a wild flower out of the ground and brushed the petals over her chin. "That bother you?"

"Not tonight," she answered, which was enough for him. "Mal."

"Yep?"

"I'm ready."

---

He didn't want it to be in her shuttle. He'd make love to her there later, erase the old memories. Tonight was about new ones. She seemed to understand, didn't protest when he brought her to his door.

They climbed down his ladder. He went first, helping her down the last few steps.

Okay, Mal. You're gonna do this nice and easy. Treat her like those fancy crystal cups she keeps in her cupboard, like something fine and precious and priceless.

"Mal?"

He was staring. Ta ma de.

"Yeah?"

"I, well. I--"

He grabbed her by both arms, pushed her back against the wall. If she was surprised, she covered it well. Damn well. Her fingers were twisting in his hair by the time he'd lifted her, held her up so their mouths were level, so her legs could wrap around his waist.

"How in the gorram hell ain't we done this before?" he muttered into her neck, his fingers working at the zipper of her dress.

She was trying to unbutton his shirt, trying not to fall on the floor.

"Sheer strength of will. Or perhaps, sheer stupidity."

He got her dress down to her waist. Her slip was nearly sheer, a soft silvery gray today. He eased her down to the floor.

"Okay. Wait."

She watched him, eyes huge, hands posed on his shoulders, where she'd been about to slide off his shirt. She looked so innocent standing there. He realized he didn't know her true age. Some days she could flatten him, make him feel like a child with one haughty glare. Sometimes, like now, she looked about eighteen.

"I wanna take you to bed. Not, you know, 'gainst the wall."

She slid her hand into his--funny, that they'd never held hands, funny they hadn't done so many things--and led him toward his bed. She sat on the edge and scooted back. She lay down against his old army blanket, pulling him down on top of her.

"Oh, wo de ma..." Propping himself with one arm, he let his more streamlined body conform to her curves, settling against her breasts, intertwining their legs. He kissed her hair, her temple, found her lips. She tasted like sweet wine and promise. He felt himself growing hot, hard, and moved to her neck, bit lightly at the curve of her throat.

Her breath came quick and heavy in his ear. She slid her mouth around his ear lobe, sucked until he groaned. Her hands moved over his chest, inner arms, reached around to run down his spine. She pressed a single hand flat against the front of his pants.

"Whoa. Uh uh, keep those pretty hands at your side, darlin'. Or if you prefer..." He lifted her arms over her head, wrapped her fingers around the bed posts.

"I'm not permitted to touch you?" Inara raised a brow, amused. "Do you have some odd sexual perversions of which I'm unaware?" she asked innocently.

"No odder than the next fellow, I 'spect."

"Then why...?"

"Hey, who's the captain here? Quit bein' so ornery, woman."

She bit her lip to hide a smile and sat up on the bed.

"You know Mal, once we're...I mean after we've..."

"You approachin' the vicinity of a point?" His mouth grazed over her knee, lips sliding around to the hollow on the other side. What do you know, Wash had been right.

"I'm trying to think of a term you won't find...jarring." Truly, she was just trying to think at all, with his mouth working the underside of her knee that way.

"I'm a reasonably mature, fully grown male. Try me."

"Alright. After we're...lovers," she began hesitantly.

He lifted his lips from her thigh.

"Lovers! Ai ya, wo de ma, Inara! Just kiddin'. After we're lovers...?"

"You should know that I don't intend to take orders from someone with whom I'm sleeping."

"Gorramit, woman, you never took orders from me when we weren't sleeping together."

"I did occasionally--when I agreed with your judgment. But lovers should be on equal footing, Mal. Decisions should be made as a pair."

"Well, then, it's a good thing we ain't lovers quite yet." His voice softened, his eyes turning serious. "Lie the hell down."

"Do I get to know why?" she mused, but obeyed, letting her head fall softly against his pillow.

"Prolly best you keep your hands to your own self, least till I develop some restraint wherest you're concerned."

"And?"

She watched him slide over, hover above her.

"And." His eyes burned into hers, blue ice and sincerely serious. "And I wanna watch you lose yourself...lose yourself then come back to me again."

She held up a hand to his chest, halting him.

"You're feeling sorry for me. Because of the things I told you that night on the bridge."

"Inara. I'll be first to admit I ain't thinkin' perfectly clear just now. But one thing I know, this sure as hell ain't about pity."

His hand cruised over her stomach, moving up to the straps of her slip. Embarrassed, she felt herself tremble.

"My makin' you nervous, Nara?" he asked, not sure how he felt about the idea.

"Of course not," she said dismissively. But she did it again when he lowered the first strap, brought his lips down to the curve of her shoulder.

"Never thought I had it in me to shake you up this way. It's okay," he added before she had the time to get touchy. "I'm more 'n a little nervy my own self."

"At least I've already seen you without your clothes." She smiled. "No surprises."

"Oh, I'm thinkin' there might be a few."

He lowered his head to her chest, opened his mouth between the vee of her breasts.

"Mighty pretty slippy thing." He licked along the point where fabric met skin. "What do you call this stuff?"

"Silk chiffon," she said all in one breath.

"Uh huh." He slid two fingers under the straps, pulled the material to her waist in one swift movement.

She closed her eyes, wanting to cry, afraid if she did he'd misunderstand.

He stared down at her, skin lit by the warm glow of the lamp light. Good God. How the hell had he kept his hands off her this long?

"Good God, how the hell did I keep my hands off you this long?" he asked aloud.

She smiled, felt her face flush pink. What was wrong with her? It wasn't as though men never praised her naked body before. This man had never praised it before.

"Inara." He moved his mouth against her, sucked till her nipple was hard against his tongue. He moved his head over her chest, his hair tickling the sensitive skin.

She wanted to fist her hand in it, feel the soft strands between her fingers. But her arms were restrained at her sides by the straps of her slip.

"Bao bei. Tian de ma," he murmured.

His mouth moved lower, her stomach dipping as he breathed warm air against it.

He found the straps of her slip, sat up so he could drag it all the way down her torso, over her legs. He let the fabric fall in a silky pool on the floor, turned back to her.

She was losing it. All her companion training, right out the proverbial window. She'd been taught the importance of control, pace, timing. Never had she been taught love. And she knew in that instant, as he slid on top of her again, as she felt him press into her, hard through his trousers, her remaining swatch of gray silk. She knew she loved him, just as she knew she couldn't tell him.

"This okay?" He met her eyes, his own a question, his fingers curling under the edges of her underwear. "My goin' too fast?"

"Yes," she said, not expecting him to ask. "I mean, no. No."

"You're beautiful. Never seen anything in the whole of this gorram 'verse so absolutely beautiful." He pulled the silk panties over her knees.

She blinked, opening her eyes.

"Thank you."

"You're mighty welcome."

He slid a hand between her legs. And suddenly she didn't hear anything. He used two fingers to tease her, stroking gentle lines up and down. Soft, feather brushes of pleasure. After a few moments, his hand stopped its leisurely up-and-down trail. A single finger tip began to move in slow, concentric circles. She was tingling, shivering. Then he lowered his mouth to her. At the first lap of his tongue, she started to shake.

He lay one hand on her tummy, felt it quiver, felt her quiver. He slid two fingers inside her, testing her reactions, learning what she liked. Did she even know? Had anyone taken the time to teach her?

Mal's hands, Mal's mouth. She wanted to whisper his name, moan it. She bit down on her lip. Mostly, she wanted him in her, a part of her.

"Inara," he said without removing his fingers.

She opened her eyes, saw into his blue ones. She saw lust, a plea for trust.

"Let go."

And she did. He gripped the outsides of her thighs, used his tongue to take her higher, closer, pushing until she could bear it no longer. She felt the heady, heavy release in every pore of her body.

He rested his head on her stomach, held her until she stopped quivering, till her breathing slowed.

"You okay?"

"I'm getting there," she breathed. "You're...you're very good at that."

"I'm not half bad," he agreed. He moved up to lay beside her, tugged her against him.

"I could get used to this. Holdin' you all wet and naked-like."

"It hardly seems fair. You're still wearing an awful lot of clothing." Her fingers played down over the front of his trousers. "Perhaps we should do something about that."

"Woman, I can tell you're gonna be nothin' but trouble." He let her slide on top of him, though the sight of her seated above his hips, all golden and glisteny in the lamp light, 'bout killed him.

She unhooked his belt, set the holster on his bureau. She lowered the zipper with aching slowness. Hopefully, he'd think she was being coy. In truth, her hands were shaking too badly to move much faster. Gently, watching his face, she slipped her hand inside his pants, circled her fingers around him. She loved what she was doing to him, loved how his eyes drifted closed and how he groaned out something inaudible in thick, slurred Mandarin. Sliding down his body, she tugged at the cuffs of his pants while he watched, transfixed. She straddled him again, fearful, trying to hide her fear with bold gestures. She slid her hand inside his undershorts, felt him shudder beneath her.

"Inara--"

Ignoring him, she lowered her mouth, pressed light, wet kisses against him through the fabric of his shorts. He started to shake. She was kind of shaking herself. She let her tongue slip through the opening, grazed the skin once, twice. She was reaching for the waistband when she felt him grab her by the shoulders, tug her under him.

"I think we're gonna have to hold off on that part, darlin'. Not that you're not...pleasing. Hell, you're just a little too pleasin', if you follow."

"Why won't you let me...I want you to feel the way I did, the way I do--"

"Oh, that's still the plan. Just thought we'd do it proper the first time." He shrugged. "Nice to be traditional now and then."

"Mal Reynolds--a conformist? I never thought I'd see the day."

"Trust me, I'm shockin' my own self."

He stood, slid his shorts over his legs.

"Don't gape now, you'll make me self-conscious."

She smiled, wanting to touch him, clutch him by the back of the neck and pull his head down to her chest. He rummaged in a drawer, held up the package for her to see.

"Expecting to get lucky tonight?" she asked sweetly.

"Figured it was bound to happen sooner or later. Only been, what, two years or so now? Pinched these from the Doc's room the other day."

"Thief," she said around a smile.

"Was hopin' that's what you liked 'bout me."

"It's growing on me," she admitted.

He hovered over her again. Bending her knees up, he settled himself between them, kissed her soft and slow.

"Closin' in on the finale here. Any last-minute doubts?"

"Only about a million. And, yet, I can't think of a single one." She felt him edge closer, sucked in her breath.

He lowered his head to her temple, touched her lips gently, the way a lover might.

"This...this feels real good to me, Nara."

"Mal..." She had to stop, her voice was breaking.

He slid two fingers over her, waiting until she trembled, till he knew she was ready, and then pushed inside her in one swift movement.

At first, it was all so achingly sweet. He nuzzled against her breasts, her throat as he slid in and out in long, smooth strokes. She smoothed his hair, kissed his lips when they hovered near her mouth. Then he began to move faster, shifting slightly, tilting his movements in accordance with the sounds escaping her lips. She started to shiver, clasped him tightly, digging her nails into his back. He lowered his hand to the spot where their bodies were joined, touched her. She made a sound like like a whimper, felt him kiss her cheek. Her whole body was shaking, reacting without her control. She felt herself topple, felt herself fall.

He was starting to lose himself. All he could feel, all he could sense was her. She surrounded him, the black of her hair, the scent of the lavender on her skin, the tightness of the body that held him, wreaked havoc on him. He came just after she did, shook, shivered, soared.

For several moments neither of them spoke. They breathed in unison, their chests falling and rising rhythmically. He could stay like this for hours, wrapped in her, holding her. Worrying that he'd break her rib cage that way, he rolled off.

Now would come the awkwardness. She knew this, had been around the sexual act enough times to see it, experience it. Most men reacted in exactly the same ways. He'd panic over what to say. She'd bite her lip, for fear of saying the wrong thing, frightening him. Then he'd make some excuse, the crew, the ship, Captainy affairs needing his express attention.

The one thing she hadn't expected him to do was what he did.

"Huh." He leaned over and grabbed her around the waist, tugged her up and on top of him. "Yep, I was right. That's a whole hell of a lot better." He pressed a kiss to her hair, gave her a light hug that made something deep inside her crumble. Within seconds, he was snoring softly, his mouth inches from her ear.

Some things, she mused, never change.

And others...

He looked so peaceful this way, so beautifully, achingly innocent. Inara rubbed her lips lightly over his and watched him sleep till her eyes grew heavy.

When she woke next, the room was dark. He'd covered them both with a blanket some time during the night. Now he slept with his head face down in the pillows, one arm draped possessively over her waist. Lucky you, you found a cuddler, Inara told herself. She told herself she wouldn't think about the future, the rest of it, until morning. This night was for hope.

---


	9. Chapter 9

---

Inara woke up to find the sheets pooled on the floor and Mal clutching her like a life-sized teddy bear. She tried to move but found herself stuck, vice-like in his arms, his breath warm and steady on the back of her neck.

In Inara's experience, the male morning-after response pattern tended to follow one of two trends. Embarrassment was the first. Men who acted like animals the night before became shy, shameful, as though the morning sun revealed their sins. They turned aloof and stammering, hurrying into their trousers, rushing to show her the door. Then there were the sweet ones, the clients who pampered her first, pouring her wine, filling the bath with rose petals. After the act, they turned confident, arrogant. They'd had her once and believed themselves mighty, entitled. They turned into bastards. Inara knew she couldn't handle either response from Mal.

She lifted a hand to touch her hair, felt the wild waves stream out in all directions. She needed a shower, lots of hot water. She imagined slipping into a robe, lighting incense. And coffee, coffee was a must. She started to wiggle down, slide through the space between his arms.

And found herself pinned underneath him.

Oh, yes. He was up now, no mistaking it.

"Where you think you're goin'?" he murmured sleepily into the curve of her neck.

"I was planning on getting dressed," she answered, amused.

"I get a say in this?" He was starting to wake up. Hell, this wasn't half bad, finding her in his bed, all warm and sleep-tousled. A fella could get used to this sorta thing. He moved his head down her chest, trailing lazy, open-mouthed kisses over her skin.

"I hardly thought you were one for lying around in the nude all day." She felt his tongue slide around her nipple, his mouth a warm contrast to the cool morning air.

"Nude, no. Naked, though..." He slid down her body, nibbling at her hip bone. "Naked's got all sorts of possibilities."

"I--what about the crew?" What was wrong with her? Why was she trying to stop him? Because she was lost. She, the trained companion, had somehow forgotten her lines. Unscripted, she didn't know what to say, how to react. She didn't know what to do when his lips grazed her tummy, his tongue swirling over the ruby she wore in her belly button.

"Which crew? My crew? Hell, they're not as helpless as they look. Least half of 'em bound to find their way back some time or 'nother." He raised an eyebrow, sat up. "So you was just gonna sidle off without sayin' nothin'? I'm hurt, Nara."

"That's a little dramatic, Mal. I just wanted to take a shower."

"My that bad? Knew I was a little rusty, but--"

"Alright! You win." He made her laugh--dammit, he was good at that. She tugged him down beside her, cuddling against his chest. His arms went around her, so easy she almost sighed. "You can stop making me feel guilty now. What do you want?"

He nuzzled her neck.

"Could put on a shiny apron and make me breakfast."

"Oh, can I!"

She started to sit up but he grabbed her wrist, pulled her back against him.

"Oh, don't go gettin' all touchy, I'm mostly kidding. Anyways, think you had a mighty fine idea."

"What was that?"

"Part about the shower."

He scopped her up under the knees and carried her shrieking, giggling into the bathroom.

---

There was a lot of celebrating to be done, and it went on most of the night.

"Kaylee. Stop giggling."

"I'm t-trying!" she'd protested, practically sobbing.

"I want to kiss you."

"So k-k-kiss me."

"I can't." Simon smiled. "You laugh with your mouth open."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be--you're beautiful when you laugh. Actually, you're always beautiful."

"Why, Doctor Tam--anyone ever tell you you got a way with the ladies?"

"Surprisingly, no," Simon said dryly.

"Well, that's just ruttin' stupid." Kaylee giggled. "If you ask me--"

"Kaylee. I very much want to make love to you under those trees."

Kaylee closed her mouth, cutting off another round of giggles.

"Ohhh," she said softly.

Around three Simon had found them an empty tent, one of the many Parsons had his men pitch in the clearing. They slept on a blanket on the ground, Kaylee curled on top of him like a cat.

---

One good thing about the crew spending a night off-ship--plenty of hot water.

They were sobbing wet, the air warm and steamy. Mal shut off whatever part of his brain ususally called the shots. He was acting on impulse, and impulse said to kiss her long and slow under the shower spray. Impulse dictated that he lift her up against the wall, slide inside her when her legs clamped tight around his hips.

"Honey." Impulse also had him call her honey. "'Haps we oughta move this to drier ground 'fore someone breaks a leg. After all, no tellin' when the doc'll be back."

She wasn't really listening. She'd thrown her head back, exposing her neck to his lips, moving her hips in time with his thrusts. Taking that as a yes, he carried her back to his bed, laid her out all warm and wet on the top sheet. He lay beside her, rubbed lightly at her lips. The sensible part of his brain, the one he was ignoring, began to shout all sorts of warnings. Impulse spoke louder, had him cupping her cheek, stroking a hand over her wet hair. He started to move over her, but she nudged him back down, climbed astride his hips.

This time he let her do as she wished, let her set the pace, take them both to the edge and topple them off it. After, she lay with her head on his chest, their arms and legs tangled. He stroked her hair and wondered how long the sensible part of his brain would be silent.

---

The morning sunshine poured in through the flaps of the tent, crept up to press at her eyelids, warm her hands and feet. She snuggled up against Simon, felt his arm slide beneath the blanket, reach under her shirt in sleep and curl possessively around her belly. Kaylee kept her eyes closed, knowing she'd have a hell of a hangover when she opened 'em. The events of the previous night had left her drowsy, lethargic. She was content to sleep in, maybe make lazy love when Simon woke. She was just drifting back into a dream when a shadow fell across her face, blocking out the sunlight. She decided to keep her eyes closed, hoping whomever it was would go away. For several seconds she listened in silence. Maybe they were about to give up. Then she heard the click, felt cool metal brush her temple.

She opened her eyes and gasped. Beside her, Simon woke with a start.

"Don''t say a word, Doctor, lest you fancy the girl with a few more holes in her."

Simon swallowed, but remained silent.

"Stand up, real slow-like."

Simon glanced at Kaylee, rose slowly to his feet.

"You too, Ms. Tam."

Huh, he thought they was married, Kaylee thought sleepily, her mind still fuzzy with Everlift. Wincing against the bright sun, she stood as well, shifting closer to Simon.

"Good girl. There's a mule outside a few paces to the west. Move."

"Simon," Kaylee whispered, head still foggy. "We're bein' kidnapped."

"Judging by the man with the gun, I'd say you're right. It doesn't make sense though, who would be after us now?"

The man gestured with his gun, motioning them on board.

"You try any funny stuff, River Tam, and you're brother gets a bullet in the heart, you hear?"

"River? You think I'm--?"

"No!" As though hearing her own name, River appeared from a cluster of trees. She started forward, her dress flying about her legs, and tugged at the gunman's arm. "I'm River!"

"She's lying!" Kaylee realized what was going on, turned to the man holding her wrist. "I'm River! She's just the ship's mechanic. I'm the psychic genius!"

"Sweet Kaylee." River sighed, shook her head as another man grabbed her around the waist, hauled her on to the mule with the others. "No more lies, Kaylee," she said softly.

"If you's River Tam," the man asked Kaylee suspiciously, "how come you was all curled up with your own brother?"

"That didn't occur to you before?" Simon muttered. "Gorram liu mang..."

"We're a close family," Kaylee protested. She leaned against Simon, ran a hand up his chest. "Real tight-knit."

"Hell," the gunman declared, keeping the weapon trained on Simon's chest. "Gorramit, take 'em all."

Kaylee sat on the floor of the mule as it whipped over the landscape, felt the wintery air sting her eyes.

"I don't understand," Simon protested. "We're on some luh suh moon in a tiny rutting township. How did they find us here?"

"The warrior told them where to look." River closed her eyes dreamily. "He closed me out tight, no peeking behind his eyes."

"Oh, guay! Gideon! I let him use the cortex, said he wanted to wave his folks, tell 'em he was comin' home. Oh, God, the Cap'n's gonna kill me when he finds out. I'm such a moon brain!"

"I'll say it was my fault." River squeezed her hand. "Gonna be okay."

"Aw, honey, you don't have to do that. Was my mistake, if the Cap'n's gonna be skinnin' anyone, oughta be--"

"I'm sorry, ladies? I don't mean to interrupt all the...cute, but perhaps Mal isn't the one we should be worrying about just now. Perhaps we could concentrate on the gun-wielding kidnappers and worry about what the Captain will say, oh, i don't know, never?"

River smiled knowingly at Kaylee.

"He's always snippy when we get snatched," she explained and rested her head on her brother's shoulder.

---

Inara lay sprawled over Mal, wearing his shirt like a robe. She traced a faint white line on his calf.

"Where did you get this one?"

"The war."

She found a pink circular mark on his thigh.

"And this one?"

"War."

"What about--"

"Inara. This has the potential to be a long game."

She lowered her lips to a zig zag line on his chest, traced it with her tongue.

"Am I boring you, Captain?"

He sucked in a breath, and she felt his body shudder beneath her.

"Good game," he said mildly. "I got another one rights...about...here."

She kissed the spot he was pointing to, even though there was no scar.

Her lips slid over his inner thigh, before moving back up his stomach.

"What about this one?" she asked, touching a mark on his upper arm near the elbow.

"That was a present from Zoe. During the war."

"Zoe gave you that? What'd you do?"

"Ta ma de, Nara, why's you got to assume I did somethin' to deserve it?"

"Only because you usually do," she answered with amusement.

"That's it." He grabbed her by the shoulders and rolled on top, pinning her to the mattress. "You've pushed me too far, woman."

"Mal, tickling is completely unfair." She giggled, tried to squirm out of his clutches.

"Why?"

"Mainly because you outweigh me."

"Callin' me fat's not gonna make me go easier on ya."

"Mal!"

"You give up?"

"No." She shrieked when he attacked again. "Yes! Yes!"

"Say, 'Mal's King of Londinium.'"

"Highly unlikely."

"Little brat." He kissed her mouth lightly, changed his mind and began coaxing her lips apart. "Where were we?"

"You were about to tell me why Zoe hit you," she said, a little breathless as he sucked at her throat just under the ear.

"Takin' that one to my grave, darlin'." He sat up. "Anyway, think it's my turn nowabouts."

"I don't have any scars. Well, just the one." Inara pushed his shirt up over her thigh, showed him a thin white line just above her kneecap. "When I was three, I tripped over the dog while playing in my mother's garden. Fell right into a rock."

"Mean you weren't always graceful? I knew it! But that ain't what I was gonna ask."

She leaned close, kissed his neck, his lips.

"What did you want to know?"

"Why'd you leave the Guild House, Inara?"

If he'd shocked her, she hid it well. She smiled coyly, kissed his neck again.

"That's not how the game works, Mal."

"Game's about scars, ain't it?"

She met his eyes, parted her lips slightly as though unsure whether or not she intended to speak.

They both turned at the voice, Jayne's to be exact.

"Mal! You down there, Mal? Doc's gone and got hisself snatched 'gain!"

---

"Some of the mayor's men saw 'em gettin' taken," Jayne explained as they readied the mule. "Couldn't get to 'em in time, but said they went north. Maybe headed for a cabin 'bout two miles that a'way." He forked his thumb to gesture.

"Why would they stay so close?" Mal asked.

Jayne squinted at Mal through his hangover.

"Why was you sleepin' so late? Why'd you disappear so early last night?"

"Why you askin' so many gorram questions? Get the hell in."

"Inara?" Mal buzzed his own room over the 'com. "Zoe's on her way back. Ship's yours till she gets here."

"The ship's mine? Mal, how many of the others were kidnapped?"

"Inara."

She sighed.

"Go. Zhen ta ma yao ming. Zhu yi."

"I try to watch my back, I''m like to fall flat on my face. First sign of trouble, you take Serenity and get outta here." He lowered his voice, turned away from Jayne. "Last night...well, I just want you to--"

"Mal!" Jayne stood up in the mule. "We goin' or what?"

"Gorram impatient...we're leavin', Inara. Don't get off the boat."

Inara heard the 'com fall to the floor of the cargo bay.

She sat in the center of Mal's bed, still wearing his shirt.

"I wonder if he knows I can't get her off the ground," she mused before letting her head fall forward into her hands.

---

The mule shuddered to a stop in front of a log cabin. The gunman jerked his head around.

"Will you get them girls to quit yappin'?"

Simon blinked.

"I'm sorry, were you adressing me?"

"Ruttin' shut 'em up. They's hurtin' my brain with all that gorram chatter."

"Girls." Kaylee and River glanced up from their conversation. "Girls, please be quiet. You're giving the nice kidnapper a headache."

"Yous all gorram crazy. Get the hell inside." He motioned with his gun.

"River." Kaylee clutched the girl's arm as the gunman motioned them into the cabin. "Honey, not to be pushy or nothin'...but can't you do that thing where you go all amazon and kick their asses?" she whispered.

"They don't see. Don't see the light, and so neither did I. Starting to understand." River slid her hand through Kaylee's. "No more lies. Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Tam."

Kaylee and Simon jerked their heads up in unison.

"Mother?" Simon whispered.

"Simon? River?" A middle-aged woman took a shaky step forward. "Wo de ma, I can't believe its truly you."

"Y-you're Simon's mama? Simon!" Kaylee whacked him in the chest. "You didn't tell me we was gonna meet your parents!" Blushing, she tried to straighten her clothes. Oh, boy, did she wish she hadn't smoked quite so much Everlift last night. Her head was still all kinds of blurry. Had they been kidnapped? Or did the Tam's invite 'em for brunch.

"Apparently, it was a surprise," Simon said dryly, rubbing his chest where she'd smacked him. "The kind with guns. And thugs."

Simon's mother frowned, her delicate forehead crinkling.

"And you are...?"

"Hi!" Kaylee stretched out her hand, pumped the older woman's up and down. "I'm Kaylee, and I just wanna say you did a real shiny job with him."

"She did." River wandered over, smiled shyly. "Boy came out clean and bright. Shame the girl's twisted."

The older woman tried to grasp her in a hug, but River shrieked and pulled away.

"River...darling, what's happened to you?"

"They rutting bled her!" She sighed and sat on the sofa, looked up at her father. "How's the business, Mr. Tam?"

---

They found the cabin without a great deal of trouble. Hell, outside the Brandywine township, it was the only building within a five mile radius.

"What's the plan, Cap'n?" Jayne asked, loading his gun.

Mal gave him a funny look, made a mental note to find out why Jayne was actin' so eager to rescue people he'd just as soon see kicked out the airlock. For the moment, it'd have to wait. He had some damned-inconvenient kidnappers to pummel.

"Be rude to bust in uninvited. I say we knock."

Jayne raised an eyebrow.

"Knock?"

Mal pounded on the door with his first.

"Anybody the hell home? This rescue dragged me away from somethin' a hell of a lot better'n...this rescue. Now my associate and I, we both got guns."

"And I got grenades!"

"Man likes his grenades. So I suggest you open the door before he--"

The door opened.

"Hi, Cap'n."

"Kaylee." Mal looked her over real quick, didn't see any bruises. "River kill 'em all?"

"Mal?" Simon turned curiously.

River beamed and skipped across the room. She jumped up and grabbed Mal's shoulders, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Daddy's come for us." River smiled into his eyes. "Take us home?"

"Jayne said you all was kidnapped." He glanced around the furnished cabin, took in the middle-aged couple sitting in easy chairs, clearly in a state of shock. Uneasily, he set River down. "This some kinda joke? 'Cuz if you three ain't been kidnapped, I'm gonna start yellin' at folk. And I'm gonna start with you," Mal said, glaring at Simon.

The older man stood, seemed to recover his voice.

"Who are you and what the guay are you doing in my house with guns?"

Mal noted the platter of baked goods, the aroma of brewing coffee.

"Malcom Reynolds. Captain Malcom Reynolds. I'm sorry, did you snatch my crew or invite 'em over for breakfast?"

"How could I kidnap my own children, Mr. Reynolds?"

Mal raised a brow, slid his gun back in the holster. He kicked Jayne, who did the same.

"That's a mighty valid point, Mr. Tam. 'Haps we should let Jayne field this one. Jayne?"

"I, uh, well. Hell, Mal." Jayne scratched the back of his head.

"The man ape's not wrong...at least not this time. My father hired men to take River and me home, Captain. Hired nice men with guns to rouse us out of bed in the middle of the night--"

"Simon." Kaylee, who'd just spent the past several minutes trying to smooth her sleep-tumbled hair, tugged at his arm. "Was more like nine. Just felt early on account of we was up so late having all the...tea," she ammended quickly.

"Fine, hired men to rouse us out of bed at...nine...and drag us back here like animals."

"Simon, what's happened to you? They say they found you sleeping in a tent in the middle of the woods, half-dressed and smelling of illegal narcotics." His mother whispered the last word. "I understand you have needs son, but surely a doctor can do better than some, some forest whore."

"Uh, Missus Tam?" Mal decided he ought to interject, 'fore things got ugly...er. "Kaylee here's my mechanic. That's not a euphemism for nothing! Just services my ship, nothin' else. Anyway, she and the doc are sorta...well, makin' me a bit sick, if you wanna know the truth of it. But they's always half-dressed, so I wouldn't blame the, uh, narcotics for that bit. Personally, I find it all a might stomach-turning but, crazy kids in love, you know how they's bound to be."

"I understand that my son's lost his good sense. And dragged his sister down with him." Mr. Tam took a step forward. "I understand that you stole a young girl away from the protection of her school and stowed her away on your flying heap of go suh at my son's request.

"Actually," Mal clarified, "Boy never really asked."

"My children have made grave errors in judgement, Mr. Reynolds."

"Nice of you to hire some local boys to straighten 'em out. That what they call tough love in your parts?"

"But, I don't understand." Kaylee's high was starting to fade. The headache pulsed behind her eyelids. "Why would you go and do that to 'em? After all they's been through these past years?"

"He doesn't believe it, Kaylee." Simon looked very tired. "He chooses not to believe his own children."

"Hell, she's crazy as can be. Don't take a psychic genius to see that," Jayne muttered. "Ask me, doc's not much better."

"No one would have hurt River and Simon. Simon, dear, we've worked so long to find you. We hired Gideon to track you down, to bring you home to us!" His mother stroked his hair, tried to make him meet her eyes. "Finally, he sent word that you were coming here, to Silverhold. Your father and I came as quickly as possible."

"Oh, wait just a gorram minute. I'm getting the uncomfortable inkling we've had a mole on board these past weeks."

"Very perceptive, Captain." Simon jerked away from his mother, sat on the arm of the couch.

"I'm feelin' a good deal like killin' somebody," Mal muttered to River. "Gonna start with your brother if he keeps up the wisecrackin'."

"This ain't funny, Cap'n." Kaylee's eyes were blazing. "They don't got one clue what the alliance did to her."

"There was nothing wrong with my daughter," Mr. Tam said quietly. "At least not until my son risked both their lives and fell in with petty criminals."

"Hey, now, no need for the name-callin'. Criminals would suffice."

"Captain Reynolds, I think it's time for you to take your associate and leave my property."

"Sure, soon as you hand over my crew."

"They won't be going with you, Captain." Mrs. Tam stood, approached River. "They're home now. Darling, you're home, do you hear me?"

"You know what? I'm bored. And hungry." He eyed the pastries. "Think we can settle this real simple-like. You wanna stay here with your folk or come back to Serenity, Lil Albatross?"

River slid her hand in the Captain's.

"Doc, suppose you can come too, if Kaylee insists on it."

River smiled at Simon, eyes bright and shining.

"Daddy's come to take us home."

"Can't you see she's sick?" The elder Tam stepped forward. "Simon's lost all touch with reality, and my little girl needs her parents. It would be a crime for you to take them with you."

"Ain't it lucky they stowed away with criminals then." Mal turned back to Mr. Tam. "Keep your friends the hell off my boat, lest you wanna find out what real trouble is."

---

Mal slung an arm around Kaylee and pulled her back against him in a hug.

"Was a real brave thing you did sayin' you was River, Lil' Kaylee. And don't think I won't put you over my knee, you do anythin' so ruttin' stupid again."

"You're nothin' but a big tease, Cap'n." But she let him hug her, twisted her head to kiss his cheek. "Hey, speakin' o' teasin', where's Nara?"

"In her shuttle, I 'spects." Mal pulled away, went back to securing the mule. "Why you askin' me? Not like I'm the lady's keeper or nothin'."

Kaylee rolled her eyes, swatted lightly at Mal's backside and skipped off to find Inara.

Inara met her at the shuttle door, pulled Kaylee into an embrace.

"Mei mei. i was so frightened for you. You're truly alright?"

"Aw, I'm shiny, Nara." Kaylee saw the red streaks in her friend's eyes, hugged her again guiltily. "Didn't mean to make you worry so much."

Kaylee led Inara inside, pulled her down on the sofa and made herself comfortable, legs tucked beneath her.

"Sooo?" Kaylee asked expectantly.

"So what?" Inara teased.

"In-nara!"

Inara laughed.

"I'm just playing, sweetie. It...it happened."

"Eeeee! I knew it! Was it wonderful? Was the Cap'n good? Were you--well, of course you were good. Did he do that thing? Oh, and what was he like after? Did he hold you? What were you wearing--one of your pretties? Inara--you gotta tell me everything!"

Inara smiled but her eyes seemed pained.

"I will. Or most everything, at least."

"What's wrong, Nara?" Kaylee grabbed her hand. "You're sad, I can tell. Did the Cap'n say something mean? I knew he was gonna mess it up, the yu ben de --"

"Kaylee, sweetie, calm down." Inara smiled, leaned forward to stroke her hair. "It's nothing Mal did. The Guild sent me a wave, just before you returned. They've suspended my license, pending an investigation. Apparently, word of my extracurricular activities made its way back to my superiors."

"Extracurricular?"

"Petty crime, acts of treason against the goverment. Not to mention my questionable choice of associates." Inara smiled. "Present company excluded, of course."

"That's go suh, total luh suh. You're an amazing companion, and they'd be crazy to let you go."

Inara sighed, wandered over to her dressing table.

"It's not as though I've been doing a great deal of companioning these past couple months anyway."

She selected a bottle of lotion, rubbed a dollop into her hands.

"Well, that's just 'cuz you're been busy. Killing reavers and helpin' out with Serenity and kissin' the Cap''n--oh, but that's part of the problem, ain't it?"

"It's something of a complication," Inara agreed.

"It's gonna be fine, Nara. Cap'n'll make sure of it. Don't he always take care of us?"

"I'm not worried, mei mei. Go be with Simon. I'm sure he's missing you right now."

Kaylee shrugged

"Simon's a little mad at me for gettin' myself snatched."

"I imagine you can persuade him to forgive you."

"You sure you're shiny, Nara? I can stay if you need me, or if you just don't feel like bein' alone..."

Inara squeezed her hand.

"We'll have plenty of time for talking later. Kaylee?"

Kaylee hesitated at the door, turned back.

Inara twisted her hands.

"Don't tell Mal, okay? Not...not yet."

---


	10. Chapter 10

---

At the kitchen table, Simon sipped his tea, feeling the steaming herbal liquid slide down his throat. It did nothing to warm his chilled body. He didn't notice River until she was right beside him, jumped when he felt her hand on his shoulder.

"You startled me." He smiled, pulling out a chair for her to sit beside him. "You used to do that back on Osiris. As a girl, you'd pad around in bare feet, sneaking up on me like a ghost."

River smiled knowingly.

"She remembers."

"Of course you do. Brat." He poked her in the ribs, making her giggle.

"It's my job as your sister," she said with a long-suffering sigh. "Where's Kaylee?"

"Probably with Inara. The two of them have been whispering and giggling to each other ever since dinner." He raised an eyebrow at River. "I don't suppose you know what they're talking about?"

"Girl talk." She stretched out a long, slender arm along the table, rested her head there. "No boys allowed."

"I'm your brother. You're supposed to tell me things."

River smiled slyly.

"Didn't tell me 'bout you and Kaylee."

"That's...that's not the same thing." Simon blushed, looked uncomfortably into his tea.

"Didn't tell me what our father did. Caught the prodigal son in a blackout zone and cast him out of Eden. Brother and sister had to face the elements, face the wrath."

"River--"

"You're sad now. Thought one day we'd be allowed back. Thought he'd understand what you did, give forgiveness." River shook her head. "Can't ever go back to the Garden, Simon."

Simon slid his hand through hers, lowered his head so their foreheads almost touched.

"I don't want to go back home, mei mei. It wasn't Paradise. It was all lies."

"Can't you see, Simon? We're already home."

---

Malcom Reynolds was not a happy ship captain. Someone had bugged his baby, planted a sneaky little tracking device that submitted signals to Ye su knows where. That someone had sat at his supper table every night for a week, and he hadn't been all the wiser. He ever saw that someone again, there'd be hell to pay. But first he'd find out where that someone learned his trade. Kid had the makins' of a halfway decent criminal.

"Kaylee! Kaylee! Kay-hello, ladies." Mal nodded at the girls, seated together in the hammock. They'd been laughing, but stopped when he stepped into the engine room.

"Hi, Mal," Inara said.

"What's up, Cap'n?" Kaylee moved guiltily back toward the engine, reaching for her wrench.

"Crew meeting in the kitchen. Someone bugged us, and I aim to uncover how."

---

"So the long and short of it is, this boy humped us but good."

"Who's that, sir?"

The others looked up as Zoe entered the kitchen, leaned back against the counter, arms crossed.

"Gideon." Mal nodded at her, saw the circles beneath her eyes and made a mental note to harangue her into gettin' some shuteye. "Missus Tam was kind enough to finger the lad as our mole."

"Who'd Simon's ma finger? Hey." Jayne looked up from his drink, wicked grin fading. "How come she didn't say nothin' whole time the kid was on board?" He jerked his head in River's direction. "What the hell use is a psychic can't sense nothin'?"

Mal nodded, frowning at River.

"Yeah, what he said--only a might nicer. Gotta give me a heads up on these things, Albatross."

"He shut me out, couldn't gain entry." River seemed perturbed. "Only saw bits. Bits weren't relevant."

"Uh huh." Mal laid a hand on River's shoulder. "'Haps from now on though, you let me decide which, uh, bits are relevant."

"Don't blame River, sir." Zoe cleared her throat. "I spent some time with Gideon and didn't see it my own self. And I've considerably more experience with spies."

"You, uh..." Mal didn't quite follow. "You talked to the boy some?"

"Didn't talk exactly, no sir."

"Oh. Ohhh." Mal broke eye contact.

"Oh," Simon said, getting it.

Inara met Zoe's eyes, her own reflecting pure empathy.

Jayne looked confused for a moment before recognition dawned in his eyes.

"Ruttin' hell..." he began.

"Jayne," Mal warned.

For a moment, everyone was silent.

"Cap'n?" Kaylee raised a hand, eyes big and remorseful. "Really, this is my fault. I'm one gave Gideon leave to use the cortex. Only left him alone for a second, but if he contacted someone...my guess is that's when it happened."

"When was this, Lil Kaylee?"

"Oh, just before he and Cora got off on Beumonde."

"Well, not 'xactly keen on strangers usin' the cortex, but that don't explain the Tams trackin' us to Silverhold. Didn't even know we was headed that way our own selves 'till after the passengers left. No, my guess is we've been bugged. Which is why we're gonna turn Serenity inside out till we find the tracker."

"Mal." Simon folded his hands on the table before him. "If it's any comfort, I don't believe my parents will attempt to find River and I again."

"Believe it or not, son, there's folk in this 'verse worse 'n your parents. And I don't intend to broadcast our exact location to 'em. Now, no sense in castin' the blame about. Figure it's mostly my fault for lettin' the lot of ya play with the product. A toasted crew ain't much good at spottin' trouble, otherwise we likely woulda found the bug awhile back. There's a lesson in this--drugs rot your brains. From now on, gonna have sober ship, ya hear?"

"Aw, Mal, you gonna away take Kaylee's engine brew too?"

Mal hesitated, seemed to reconsider.

"No call for overreactin', Jayne. Engine brew stays." Mal clapped his hands. "Now, Kaylee. Gonna look to your expertise on this matter. Seems to me most likely spot's the engine room, or maybe the kitchen, as we all tend to gather here. 'Haps you and Jayne can start with those. Doc, why don't you and your sister take the infirmary. Try Gideon's dorm as well, though i don't see it bein' easy as all that. Zoe, you've got the cargo bay and the bridge. Any questions?"

"Mal?" Inara stepped forward. "I'm able to help as well."

"Right, sure you are. Didn't mean to imply...anyway, 'magine we oughta check your shuttle. Prolly best if I go with you, just so you don't miss nothin' accidentally."

Simon made a sound halfway between laughing and choking, spit a mouthful of tea into his hand. Mal raised a brow.

"Somethin' funny, Doctor?"

Simon was still coughing.

"N-no, Captain. Nothing at all." He looked helplessly at Kaylee who shook her head, eyes wide and adamant.

"Good." Mal slapped Simon, none too softly, on the back. "Wouldn't want you hurtin' yourself, Doc."

"Hey." Jayne was grinning wickedly. "Maybe Kaylee can teach him how to swallow." He ducked automatically as Kaylee's hand swung for the back of his head, slid out of his chair and ran around the other side of the table.

Mal pressed his eyelids shut once, exasperated.

"Oh, you're sooo humped, Jayne Cobb." Kaylee looked around for a weapon, grabbed for the wooden spoon in the center of the table. She started swinging.

"Ah!" Jayne ran behind Mal, trying to escape. "C'mon, Doc, she's your wench. You gotta help me!"

Simon looked at Mal and Inara.

"Surely he's jesting."

"Doubtful." Inara smiled. "It's unlikely he knows the meaning of the word."

She took a deliberate step back as Kaylee tore past, spoon waving wildly. Jayne feigned right, went left and headed for the door, Kaylee close on his heels.

Mal started to speak several times, then closed his mouth, as though realizing the futility of the situation.

"River, help!" Kaylee shrieked over her shoulder. "You're on my team."

Cheerily, River bounced out of her chair.

"She means search team," River informed Mal, straight-faced. Then she gave an ear-piercing war cry and bounded after Kaylee and Jayne.

"River." Simon stood. "Ta ma de." Shooting Mal a look of apology, Simon chased after his sister and the others, leaving Zoe, Mal and Inara alone in the kitchen.

"Well." Mal shook his head. "Which one of 'em you 'spect will be first to fall and break a limb?"

"Dibs on the Doctor," Zoe said mildly. "I might as well start here. Don't the two of you have some business in Nara's bedroom?"

"What? Zoe, I, um, not really sure what you're talkin' bout. I--"

"Mal." Inara hid a smile. "The search?"

"Right! The search." Mal met Zoe's eyes, saw the knowing gleam. They'd known each other too long, too well, gorramit, for secrets. "Best be gettin' to that."

---

Mal waited until the shuttle door closed behind them. Then he grabbed her.

"I'm sorry, darlin'. But I can't go another gorram minute without havin' you."

He caught her under the knees and swooped her up, pleased when she gasped in surprise, even more pleased when she reached out a hand to curl around his neck, pulling his head down to kiss her.

He pressed her down on the bed, pinning her to the mattress. Gorramit, her bed felt good, soft and rich just like her. Realizing he was essentially taking her like some kind o' animal, Mal took a breath, forced himself to withdraw his hands from beneath the skirt of her dress, where he'd been trying to tug down her silky underwear thingies.

"Listen, Nara. I'm first to admit I ain't much at the signal-reading. So if this is startin' to weary you, best you be up front about it."

Inara smiled.

"Mal."

"Yeah?"

She grabbed the sides of his face with both hands.

"Shut up and kiss me."

"Right. Shuttin' up."

For several moments, they just explored each other's mouths. She loved the way he kissed her, loved the way his eyes drifted shut against her face, his lashes brushing her cheeks. She loved how he encircled her bottom lip with his, tugging gently. She loved the way his tongue teased hers ever-so-lightly, how he cradled her face when he did it. She loved him. The thought was enough to jar her to her senses. Damn him, this sweet, almost innocent make out session wasn't helping anything. She dragged her lips away from his, started pressing cool, quick kisses to his neck. She unbuttoned his shirt, spreading her fingers over the muscles of his chest, feeling the scars beneath her fingers. She traced the one from Atherton, felt Mal's eyes on her.

"That was good times, huh? Shame we wasted that shiny lodging Ath supplied."

"As I recall, we had other things on our minds that night. Like you not dying the next day."

"Hell, Nara. Not a night since you came on my ship, you weren't on my mind some way or 'nother."

She smiled, started unhooking his belt buckle, but he reached for her hands.

"I wanna see the look in your eyes when I'm inside you," he said, bringing her back up by the pillows. It shocked him how much he wanted that, wanted to kiss her as he buried himself deep inside, wanted to watch her eyes change color as she shuddered with release. He couldn't recall the last time he'd felt that way 'bout somebody he was bedding. Hell, he'd never felt that way. The realization was enough to have him freezing, her dress halfway lowered in his hands.

"Cap'n!" They heard a shriek, a thud, followed by laughter outside the shuttle door. "Cap'n! You gotta help us. Simon and Jayne gots water pistols!"

Mal turned toward the door.

"Find the gorram bug and quit foolin' around out there!" he yelled.

He returned his attention to Inara, who raised an eyebrow.

"Hey. I'm just bein' thorough. We check my pants yet? 'Cuz I'm thinkin' we should look there next." He reached for his belt buckle. Inara's hand reached up to cup his neck, pulling his mouth down to the bodice of her satin undergarment. Then they heard a sound like someone sliding on wet floors, another crash and a stream of Chinese curse words.

" 'Haps you could excuse me half a second whilst I go kill some folk." He groaned, kissing her once more. "Wo de ma, woman, you'll be the end of me."

Mal stood tugging up his pants. He took a few breaths, giving his body time to cool down, before wandering into the hall.

Kaylee skidded to a stop in front of him, hair soaked, pink t-shirt plastered to her chest.

"Cap'n!" She lowered her water gun, guiltily. "You and Nara wanna play?"

"Kaylee." He tried fiercely not to think of the double meaning on that one. "Quit tryin' to kill Jayne and start combin' the ship like I asked."

Kaylee giggled, clapping a hand over her mouth.

"Somethin' funny?"

"Comb the dessert! And then they go out in the sand with actual combs, and...in the movie. You know, Spaceballs? Member Wash showed it once on the vid screen..." Her voice trailed off at the end, realizing he wasn't all that amused. "We made popcorn."

"Kaylee. Does this feel like a gorram sci-fi flick to you?"

Kaylee rolled her eyes, but tucked her weapon into the waist of her coveralls.

"No, Cap'n."

"So you gonna be my star mechanic and find that tracking device?

"Yes, Cap'n. Cap'n?

Mal turned back, assuming his best 'I'm-trying-to-be-patient' smile without baring too many teeth.

"'Haps you should button your pants, 'fore you go lecturin' the others. Just a word of advice."

She beamed at him and skipped cheerily away. Mal took a long slow breath and went back inside to tell Inara he had captainy things needing his attention. A part of him was more 'n a little relieved. He couldn't trust himself to make love to her just now. He didn't know what he'd say.

---

Didn't make no gorram sense. They'd been all over Serenity, every inch of her. They'd even checked the cargo holds, River crawling inside on her hands and knees. Kaylee went over the engine room twice, assured him it was clean as a newborn babe. They even tore apart the bunks, searching under the mattresses, the tops of closest. How in the big black 'verse was this little son of a bitch trackin' him?

Mal sat at the table, inhaling coffee to keep his eyes open. He glanced around at his crew. Kaylee sat in Simon's lap, her head resting on his shoulder while he rubbed circles over her back through her t-shirt. Behind them, Inara sat on the floor, her back to the wall. Doc's sis lay with her head in Inara's lap. Inara stroked the girl's hair absently. Zoe stood a few feet down, legs spaced military-style, arms folded across her chest. One thing 'bout Zoe, she was always prepared. Even Jayne was still there, head resting on one arm, drooling into his coffee mug at the table. They'd all stayed awake. They'd stayed by his side the whole night, searching, rackin' their sleep-deprived brains.

He had a good crew.

Mal cleared his throat.

"Be time for breakfast soon." He glanced at his watch--guay, it was closin' in on three in the AM. "All y'all did real good, but 'magine we'll each one think better on a few hours rest."

Kaylee sat stick-straight all of a sudden, reached across the table and snagged Mal's wrist.

"Time," she murmured. "Zao gao, I'm such a dolt! It all makes sense now."

Mal raised a brow. The others, considerably perked, leaned forward with interest.

"Mind explainin' it to me, Kaylee? Cuz I'm still feelin' a bit...doltish."

"Ain't no bug, it's a program. Hun dan hacked into our system, and I bet I know what he latched his beacon on to." She brightened, flashed Mal a huge smile.

"You gonna tell the rest of us?" Jayne muttered grouchily.

"Time." Kaylee held up Mal's hand with its wide silver wristwatch. "Every day, Serenity synchronizes her clocks with Osiris standard time, set by the Alliance in Capital City."

"But we've always done that," Inara protested. "Everyone in the system uses Osiris time as a point of reference."

"No way of arrangin' rendezvous times if everyone's on his own schedule," Mal agreed.

"Right, and Serenity always checks in with the satellite in Capital City, twice a day, in the mornin' and at night. But if someone designed a program to use our own signal against us, latch on to it and broadcast our location every time we sent out for a time check..."

"Then we'd be fairly-well humped," Mal said, understanding dawning.

"Every time Serenity tried to set her clocks she sent out a honing beacon." Kaylee shook her head, as the weight of the situation set in. "That's how the Tams tracked us to Silverhold even after Gideon was gone."

"And that's how anybody else interested can find us," Mal finished. "Which is why you and me, Kaylee--well, mostly you--are gonna kill that program."

---

Kaylee typed in a few more commands, pressed a series of switches.

"Have to shut her down and start her up again, no other way. There, that should do it."

"So we're not sending out a honing beacon no more?" Mal asked, trying to follow.

"Nope. But no tellin' how long this thing's been broadcastin'." She handed him a sheet of paper. "He used a disc to override our controls, hacked into the main computer. Shiny little program and not cheap neither."

Mal folded his arms, studied the print out though he couldn't make much sense of it.

"No way o' knowin' who received the signal, Kaylee?

"I'm sorry, Cap'n. Wash mighta been able to figure something, but...I'm only good with movin' parts. Alls I know is it sent our exact location twice a day. Plenty of info for whoever'd be wantin' to find us." She looked down.

Mal squeezed her shoulder.

"Hadn't been for you, we might not o' found the program at all.You did real shiny, Lil' Kaylee."

"Not shiny enough," she murmured.

"You just let me worry about that." He kissed her forehead lightly, sat down in the co-pilot's chair. "It's late; you best be gettin' on to bed. 'Haps Zoe and I can make some sense of this thing."

Kaylee gave a sad little smile and left the bridge. Mal hovered over the print out, staring determinedly at what seemed an inscrutable mess of ones and zeros.

---

It was nearly six by the time Mal stumbled down the hall to Inara's shuttle. He raised his hand to knock, hesitated. Prolly she'd been sleepin' a good many hours by now. 'Haps he should just go back to his bunk, let her rest.

The door opened.

"I thought I heard your graceful footsteps." She leaned against the doorframe, wearing a formfitting robe in cool, aquamarine satin. Her hair waved around her face like clouds in the night sky.

"Some of us didn't have the benefits of higher education. Never did learn to walk pretty."

"Maybe I'll teach you to dance one day."

"Me and you danced once."

"Mm, my feet still remember."

"Hey, I didn't step on you more 'n twice!"

In her bare feet, she stepped up on to his shoes, wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed him long and slow, feeling his hands fist in her hair as his body went hard against her. He lifted her up until her legs locked around his waist, carried her to the bed.

They undressed each other in a leisurely fashion, taking time neither was really sure they had. He entered her slowly, savoring. For a second they held eye contact, both projecting something like relief, something like fear. Then he swallowed her lips with his and began to move faster, move higher, as she arched against him. He watched her expression change from wide-eyed, almost little-girl innocence to cat-like pleasure, amber flecking in her deep brown irises before her lashes drifted shut.

When he came, he buried his face in her hair so his tongue wouldn't say the words his lips were forming.

After, she lay with her head on his chest. He played with a strand of her hair, spinning the glossy black curl around his finger.

"Mal?"

"Hmm?"

"There's something we need to discuss."

"Well, I'm like to be able to form a coherent sentence any time now."

She must have smiled; he felt her lips curve against his ribs.

"Mal, I'm afraid my rent check may be a little late this month."

"Hell, that all? I'm sure you're good for it." He didn't want to talk about this now, didn't want to think about her work when she was still naked in his arms, when he could still taste her on his lips.

"It's a little more complicated than that, Mal."

"How's that?"

She knew she was a coward for doing it this way, saying it with his arms around her, without having to meet his eyes.

"The House Priestess of Madrassa waved me earlier today."

"Gonna have to dumb that down a little, darlin'."

"Sihnon. The Guild."

"The Guild, huh?" He held his breath, prepared himself for it. Nandi had told him what Inara's work meant to her, how focused she was, how dedicated and naturally gifted. If they asked her to choose...well, he knew he couldn't ever ask her. How could he ask her to give up anything for him? Dead men didn't have the right to petition the living. And Mal knew the part of him Inara wanted had been dead since the War. "What'd they want?"

"They've suspended me, Mal."

---


	11. Chapter 11

---

The water spouted hot enough to steam but Zoe was cold. Blood red rose petals stuck to her skin, leeched on to her arms and legs. A morbidly-romantic bath for one. She slid deeper into the water, feeling the bubbles rise over her breasts, the tops of her shoulders, inching up to brush her chin. So close to the bottom now. She had only to push herself under, let the bubbles and love flowers gather, form a covering on the surface above her head. She took a hard breath and sunk. Oh, the relief. She felt the promise of rest, peace. She felt something akin to hope. Then she felt fingers fisting in her hair, tugging her up by the thick bundle of curls she'd piled atop her head.

Though the stinging soap, her eyes made out Mal glaring down at her, his hand still clutching her hair.

"Gorramit, Zoe. What the hell you think you're doin'?"

"Looking for her," she told him, not bothering to be ashamed of her nakedness. "Looking for serenity."

"That where she is, Zoe? Serenity in death?"

"No way of knowing, sir."

He slid his free hand down her wet body, spread his fingers over the bump that grew more prominent each day.

"And her? She gotta go down with the ship?"

Zoe had forgotten. She put her hand on top of Mal's, felt the roundness that was still so unfamiliar, so foreign. Beneath both their hands, something shifted, shrunk, flattened until there was nothing at all.

"No. Sir, no!"

"I ain't the one responsible," Mal protested. "You're the one courtin' death."

Zoe closed her eyes, covered her ears.

"Go away," she whispered weakly.

"Baby?"

She was hallucinating--only explanation.

"Not so, Baby. Could a hallucination do this?"

And suddenly he was kneeling between her legs in the warm water--for it was warm again--and pressing kisses to her face.

"Time to wake up, Zoe."

"Wash?"

She knew before she opened her eyes. She could feel his skin, slippery like nostalgia against her own. She smelled his soap, the spiciness of his aftershave. His hair was wet against her chest.

"Husband." She used her hand to lock his head there against her breast, fisted her fingers in the damp gold strands. "I guess we get that bath after all."

"Nope." Sighing, he lifted his head, kissed her on the nose. "Though, if you ask me, we shoulda said to hell with Mal and took a ruttin' vacation."

"You're here now."

"Not really." He stepped out of the steaming water, sat on the edge of the claw foot tub. "Ghosts don't exactly attract a lotta dirt, Baby. But the living? Hell, we both know they get dirty, don't we?" He chuckled.

"You're mad."

"Oh, hell. I'm not mad, lambykins. I mean, I wouldn't say I'm joyous. I'm not actually skipping for joy at the thought of the lad inside you. But I'm not mad."

"Don't change nothin'. Meant what I said by your grave. That truth ain't gonna change just 'cuz I let someone other 'n you in my bed."

"A lifetime's a lot of misery, sweetie. Not sure you can deliver it."

"I ain't a liar, Husband."

He kissed her lips, coaxed them open and made love to her mouth till she ached.

"Get out of the bath, Zo. You'll catch your death."

She woke up sweating in her bed.

---

They'd made their decision.

Funny that she'd thought it would be hers in the end.

Inara looked at her lap, the manicure of her fingers. These hands could pilot a shuttle and help Simon prepare dinner. She could use them to smooth River's forehead, brush Kaylee's hair till it shined, punch Jayne in the arm when he said, well, anything. She could feel Zoe's baby kick, gentle flutters against her fingers. She could stroke Mal's face, the stubble tickling her fingers before he grabbed her hands, held them at her sides and ravaged her. But that wasn't their true purpose. Her hands had been taught to please and tease and pleasure strangers. They were meant to serve tea, offer up comfort and companionship for hire. Now, a single finger pressed the button ending her conversation with the House Priestess, ending it all, really.

"Mei, mei." The older woman, who was called Milana, had seemed genuinely contrite, her violet-blue eyes clouded. "Truly, I didn't want this. Perhaps if you'd been here, home with the sisters, things would have been different."

"I remember a time when they called me sister," Inara said quietly.

"Now they just remember that you left."

Inara breathed in, waited to speak until she could guarantee her voice.

"They made their decision rather fast. I hadn't expected to hear from you so soon."

Milana hesitated, her lashes sweeping across her cheeks.

"Inara, my darling. You know the Guild hasn't the power to go up against the unified governments. Without Alliance support, we'd be shut down. Isn't it better that we follow this path, protect our registered sisters, the young girls entrusted to our care? You were such a girl once, Inara."

"I remember, Milana. I remember you teaching me to dance, showing me the proper way to pour tea, paint my face, kiss a man. But most vividly of all, I remember what I saw on that planet."

"You found a recording, mei mei. A terrible, disturbing recording of events long past."

"I saw the bodies, Milana. Hundreds of them." She still saw them in her dreams some nights, men and women and children compelled to lay down and die. And others, men made to act as animals.

"I'm concerned for you, Inara," Milana was saying. "The Alliance is scheduled to make its second official statement sometime this week. I fear they'll come after the man you fly with, come after you. I wish you'd leave them, child."

"I'm not a child anymore." Inara fashioned her lips in a smile, just as the priestess had taught her. "I appreciate you contacting me personally, Milana."

"Inara...I'd hoped for you to sit in my chair one day."

"We don't always know our true paths."

"I suppose you speak truth, my sister." Milana hesitated. "You have the right to appeal their decision. If you choose to come to Sihnon, I'll arrange a summit."

"Thank you, Milana, but I've made my choice. I suppose I made it long ago."

"Bless you, my darling."

"Bless us all," Inara murmured quietly now.

She would have to tell him. It had been nearly a week since she informed him of the suspension. She'd murmured something about the shuttle, what she had in savings. He'd brushed it off, said they should wait till things were more final-like. Now it was final.

But, tian de ma, she didn't want to tell him. The man had a talent for infuriating, and just now she wasn't entirely sure she could refrain from spilling a cup of tea in his lap. Hot tea. Still, she wasn't the only one affected by the Guild's decision. Whether or not he was willing to admit it, Mal relied on her rent payments to keep Serenity flying, keep the crew fed and clothed. The situation had changed, and he had the right to know the truth, plan accordingly. But wo de tian, she didn't want to see him now. Not after the events of the previous night.

She'd invited him to her shuttle after supper. In her favorite dress, a smooth column of peach satin, Inara poured tea, offered him a serving in bone-china. She'd watched, amused, as Mal tried to maneuver the delicate cup with his big hands. He set his tea cup in the saucer, somewhat alarmed when it rocked. He leaned back against her sofa, apparently deciding his hands were safer in his lap. He wrinkled his nose.

"You wearin' new perfume?"

"It's incense, Mal. Lavender and sandalwood. They're very calming."

"Why, do I seem tense?"

She smiled.

"Incense cleanses the air, soothes the mind. I wanted to burn some while I give you a massage."

"A massage?" He stretched his hands up behind his neck, crossed and uncrossed his legs. "With fancy smellin' oils?"

"I don't have to use oils, Mal. That's personal preference."

She set down her tea and went to kneel beside him, unlacing his boots. She lifted his socks-clad feet out one at a time, stroking the arches with her index finger, kneading the heel.

"Have you ever had a real massage before?"

"Well,no. Not the, uh, naked kind."

Smiling, she rose, motioned for him to join her. She unbuttoned his shirt, slid it from his shoulders. Then she pushed the undershirt up over his head, letting her hands linger on the muscles of his abdomen.

Automatically, his hands reached for her face, tried to curl in her hair.

"Wait," she entreated softly, bringing his hands back to his sides.

"Maybe you've observed I ain't the most patient of men."

"This will feel good, Mal. I promise." She'd led him to the bed, sat on the edge and motioned for him to do the same.

"Inara. You ain't gots to expend all this effort for my sake. Hell, you barely gots to look at me, and I..." His voice trailed off, his eyes lost in hers.

"Is something wrong, Mal?

" 'Course not. Everythin's shiny." He found her lips, brushing his against them softly, almost hesitant. She pulled away.

"You know, Mal," she said finally. "You're allowed to enjoy this. It's sort of the point. There's no reason for you to feel awkward or embarrassed--i certainly don't. In fact, you're even allowed to tell me what you like, what pleases you." She smiled encouragingly.

"This ain't a job, Inara. You don't gots to spend the whole time worryin' 'bout pleasin' me. You ain't required to take orders."

She stood up, a few seconds late in hiding the hurt. She veiled her eyes, reigning in the pain, covering with anger.

i "I'm well aware i don't have to 'service' you, Mal. i'm a big girl, perfectly capable of making a distinction between my job and...and..."

"And?"

"And whatever this is!"

"You ever had call to make that distinction before?" Mal asked quietly.

"I-that...that's personal, Mal."

He was silent a moment, and when he spoke again his tone was low.

"Seems like whatever we got goin' is pretty personal, Inara."

For a long moment, neither spoke.

"Ta ma de, I didn't mean...I never meant for this, whatever we..." He rose to his feet, hastily buttoning his shirt. "I should go. Got some captainy business can't wait till morning."

"I'm sure you do." She kept her voice cool, even.

"So i'll just see you later then."

She'd waited till she heard his footsteps receding before she started to cry. It took her far too long to stop.

No, she really didn't want to see Mal tonight. Damn him.

---

"I'm really not sure how I feel. This is all I know how to do...all I've ever done."

They sat at the kitchen table, talking over the low-burning lamp in muted tones. Mal ran a thumb over her wrist, feeling the pulse jump.

"If its any consolation, I can say truthfully you got decent criminal potential. Did mighty fine bailin' me and Zoe outta trouble on the train job. Had some nice play with Yosafbridge too."

She looked up.

"You still think I kissed her, don't you?"

Mal raised a brow.

"What I'm thinkin's you could use a drink. How's 'bout I dig up some of Kaylee's fine fermented grog?"

She lay her head on her arm.

"You have anything stronger?"

"See what I can do."

He returned with a bottle of something amber. The first shot burned on its way down, as did the second. The third, which they took in unison, slid like a silky fire into her belly.

"Hey, guys." Jayne appeared in the doorway, workout towel still strewn over his shoulders, protein bar in hand. "What y'all doin?"

"Well, Jayne, looks like we're gettin' all manner o' drunk," Mal told him.

Jayne tossed the rest of his bar in the trash.

"Hell, I'm in."

---

"My turn!" Kaylee raised her coffee mug--they were out of shot glasses--and pounded the table for attention. "I propose a toast to my sickeningly-beautiful best friend, Nara. Honey, it's their loss!"

They all clinked their assorted cups, spilling sticky liquid on their fingers, the table.

"Someone get her to quit makin' toasts," Jayne muttered, pulling his hat low over his eyes. "It's been her turn for the past hour."

"Hey!" Kaylee filled her cup and Simon's, leaned shakily across the table to do Mal, Inara and Jayne. "I'm not finished up yet."

"Kaylee, you been finished for goin' on an hour. I'm shocked you're still standin' my own self."

"Cap'n, I don't got to listen to you. You're drunk," Kaylee said, slurring just slightly.

"None o' you never listen to me dead sober," he muttered, downing another shot. "Jayne, what is this go se?"

"Dunno, Mal. Got it free from some guy back on Silverhold."

"They actually give this fine spirit away? No!"

"Doc, I ain't so drunk as to keep me from introducin' my face to your fist."

"Oh, God, I'm too intoxicated to correct him." Simon put his head on the table. "Why are we doing this again?"

"For Nara, silly!" Kaylee poured each another portion of amber mystery ale.

"I'm not sure how us winding up with hangovers helps Inara get her job back." Simon glanced up apologetically. "If you want it back, that is. I didn't mean to imply-"

"Here's to the doc stickin' his foot in it!" Mal raised his glass, and they all drank.

"Hey, Nara, you wanna make a toast?" Kaylee asked.

She smiled, struggled to keep her vision from going blurry.

"No, I'm comfy. You're all doing so well."

"Shiny, so my turn again."

Jayne rolled his eyes.

"Here's to what comes next." Kaylee leaned across the table, planted a friendly kiss smack on Inara's lips. "I know it'll be fabulous, honey."

Mal grinned at the doctor's slightly wide-eyed expression, reached for the bottle to distribute the last drops.

"Hey, I got one," Jayne said when Mal finished pouring.

"Kaylee and I aren't going to kiss again," Inara said before he could open his mouth.

"Ain't 'bout that...though I wouldn't object." Jayne raised his glass, the wolf-grin fading. "To Wash, wherever you are. Little man, somethin' tells me this party woulda been better with you at it."

For a moment no one spoke. Then Mal raised his glass, clinked Jayne's.

"To Wash," he said firmly.

They all drank.

---

Breakfast the next morning was a somber affair. They'd overdone it, even Jayne who always overdid it had overdone it the previous night. One good thing about the Black, Mal thought, face huddled over his coffee mug. There was no sunshine to burn holes in your head night after you tied one on good and hard. 'Course that didn't stop the nausea. Coffee, he needed. Lots of black coffee.

"Morning." Zoe poured herself a cup of tea, sat across from Mal at the table. She raised her eyebrows, appraising him. "You look like hell, sir."

"Well, least I look better 'n I feel." He raised his mug in mock-salute.

"You're lucky bein' all knocked up and unable to get tanked with the rest of us," Jayne told Zoe after a big gulp of homemade hangover healer. He was still in his pajamas, wool hat pulled low over his head. "Spent damn near an hour with my head over the can this mornin'."

Zoe raised a brow, took a sip of tea.

"You ever heard of morning sickness, Jayne?"

"Can someone change the subject?" Mal looked up, eyes pleading. "Any other topic?"

"Somebody please shoot me." Simon stumbled into the kitchen, wearing those silly sunglasses of his and a pained expression.

"Ask nice," Jayne muttered, going for his holster.

"Jayne," Mal warned. "Anyone gets to shoot the doc outta his misery, should be me. I am the captain o' this boat, after all."

"I think my brain is bleeding." Simon sat beside Kaylee who leaned over to smooth his hair.

"Aw, my poor baby. How 'bout we take a nice shower after breakfast? We can let the water run all hot and steamy. I'll rub your...head." She kissed his cheek.

Mal glared at Kaylee over his cup.

"Seriously, I'm gonna be sick here."

"Really? Think I'm feelin' a mite better." Jayne winked at her.

"Wait," Simon said, pointedly ignoring Jayne. "The rest of us can barely hold our heads up, yet you seem oddly unaffected."

"Me?" Kaylee shrugged. "I never get hungover. Good genes I guess."

"Somebody stick her in the cargo hold," Mal muttered.

"Morning everyone!"

"Oh, ruttin' God, make it stop." Jayne put his hands over his ears.

"Hey, Lil' Albatross." Mal pulled out the chair beside him. "Let's take it down an octave, huh? Fun as it'd be seein' Jayne's head explode, I don't feel like cleanin' up the brains."

"Not like there'd be a whole lot," Simon murmured, still face-down on the table.

"Little boys should play nice, get along." River pushed Mal's hair from his face, studied his bloodshot eyes. "Daddy's too sick to discipline you."

"What she said," Mal muttered, tugging on her braid.

Inara watched their interaction from the doorway, not wanting to interrupt. She liked seeing him with River. He let the girl get closer than any of the others. Maybe it was because he didn't have a choice, because, even if he resisted, she'd steal inside him anyway. Maybe that helpless acquiescence was freeing in a way. For once he hadn't cause to fear, to hide his true feelings beneath veiled eyes. There was simply no point.

When he looked at her, his eyes were never that open. She wondered if they ever could be.

"Mal."

"Hey, Nara--" Wo de ma, she was wearin' pants. Mal wasn't entirely sure he'd ever seen her in pants. But she was wearin' 'em now, 'haps in deference to the hangover. She had on white ones that cupped her curves, flared out at the ankle. Her hair was clipped back from her face, for once free of paints, polishes. Had he run into her on the street, Mal woulda pegged her age at eighteen. Realizing he was staring, he turned guiltily back to his coffee. "Sit on down and hook up to the caffeine drip."

"Mal, I just received a wave." A favor from one of the few friends she could still claim at the Guild. "The Alliance is about to make a statement."

---

"I can assure you that powerful individuals within the government are making it their highest priority to uncover the truth behind the so-called Miranda scandal. As the Allied governments promised, a task force has been assembled, a special team entrusted with the investigation of this highly-sensitve matter. I'd like to thank Emperors Chou and Bradford for bestowing upon me the awesome responsibility of leading said team. I'm confident that the truth will soon be uncovered and the situation resolved. I have time for a few questions, though I'm afraid I won't be able to address everyone's concerns personally. My team and I leave for Miranda this evening."

"Agent Gray! Do you have any leads as to the whereabouts of those responsible for finding and broadcasting the recording?"

"That's classified, I'm afraid. At this time, all I'm able to say is that it's highly unlikely the individuals obtained a recording of this nature on Miranda. Government records indicate that the planet has been uninhabitable since an accident in terra forming."

"Agent Gray, is it true that Allied troops had the men responsible for the broadcast in their custody? Why weren't they brought in for questioning?"

"That, I'm afraid, was an error in judgment. The situation was...mishandled by the individual in charge. I can assure you it's a mistake I don't intend to replicate."

"Mr. Gray? What about the man in the recording? The one who'd desecrated his flesh? Is it true that such creatures exist, perhaps thousands of them?"

"Truly, ma'am, I cannot speak to that matter until we've completed our investigation. However, I believe such things to be the stuff of myth. Horror tales, propagated by anxious children."

"So there's no such thing as a rea-ver, Agent Gray?"

"I wouldn't worry about one crashing your next dinner party, ma'am."

Laughter.

"I appreciate your time today, citizens of Osiris, all the citizens of the Allied planets. Today I make a promise to you that, with the help of the Allied governments, the truth will emerge."

"One final question, Agent Gray. The individuals who broadcast the tape--do you suspect they're government renegades? Former Independents, perhaps?"

"That's all purely speculative at the moment, sir. I will say that I look forward to meeting this individual. I suspect he and I will have much to discuss."

Mal turned off the cortex.

"You wanna meet me, you son of a bitch? Well, come find me in the Black." He kicked the wall, making Kaylee jump beside him. "BUN tyen-shung duh dway ro."

"Kept sayin' 'men' responsible." Jayne scratched his chin. "Hell, that's kinda sexist."

Simon shot him an oh-my-god-did-you, Jayne Cobb-actually-just-say-that look, but the others didn't seem to be paying attention. He was just glad he'd convinced River not to watch the broadcast.

Zoe took the opportunity to walk quietly from the helm.

"Well, Cap'n, ain't much different from their first statement. Said the same things, promisin' to conduct a big investigative hoop-lah. And nobody done come after us then."

"What you're sayin's true, Kaylee."

" 'Haps the whole thing'll all blow over."

"And 'haps I'll grow another--"

"Jayne." Mal silenced him with a look. "Kaylee has a point, could all blow over. The Operative's a powerful man, and he deemed it right to let us go. Still, could go another way. If any o' you don't wanna wait it out, I won't condemn no one for takin' his or her leave." He glanced at Inara. "That goes for you, too. Could turn her around and put you down on Sihnon, if that's what you're wanting."

"The Guild intends to issue a statement later today. They'll be pledging support to the Alliance in its never-ending quest to better civilization as a whole."

"They weren't there on that planet, Inara. Didn't see it with their own eyes like you and me. Makes a difference."

"Since when do you jump to defend a house full o' whores, Mal?" Jayne asked curiously.

Since he started sleeping with one, Inara thought dizzily.

"I told them," she said quietly, chin raised. "I waved the House Priestess myself."

Mal met her eyes then looked away, said nothing. Kaylee put her arm around Inara's shoulders.

"Honey," she murmured softly, hugging Inara to her.

You can't leave again, Kaylee wanted to say. I need you here with me. River's River and Zoe...Kaylee hated herself for thinking it, but sometimes it was like Zoe died in that cockpit with Wash.

"So what now, Mal?" Jayne asked, leaning back in the pilot's chair.

"So nothin'. Got a job on Boros, that's where we go."

---

Later, River crept into his room, feet conforming to the floor. She could be silent, move sleek like the ship. Or she could roar like the water for which she was named, babble like the maddest brook. They all thought her crazy. Sometimes she thought so too.

"Lunch is on the table," she said brightly. "Soup today."

"Good God, girl! Can't you see a man's nekkid here?" Jayne jumped, grabbed up a pillow to block her view of his undershorts. It was too gorram early for her to be screwin' about.

"I don't mind," she said sweetly and sat on his bed.

"Didn't ask if you minded, fruitcake. Asked you to get the gorram hell outta my bunk."

"Didn't ask her to leave. Asked if she saw you were naked. But you aren't."

"Ain't I what?"

"Naked. Not naked. Muddled." She smiled sweetly. "Precision of speech is important."

"Aw, ruttin' hell." Seeing he was getting exactly no where, Jayne threw the pillow back on the bed and reached for his pants. He tugged them up over his hips, started hunting for a shirt.

"Can't you go creep out some other folk? Like Mal maybe?"

"He's busy. Too many thoughts."

"What's he so thoughtful 'bout?" Jayne asked, forgetting for a moment he couldn't stand the little witch.

"Inara."

Jayne raised a brow, ran his tongue along the inside of his teeth.

"Well, I'll be a ruttin' son of a bitch. You sure, girl?"

"Nothing's certain. The path is poorly-lit, constantly winding between trees. Snow blocks out the sun, whiteness blinds."

"Don't reckon we'll have a white Christmas out here," he said, strangely pleased when that seemed to soothe her. "Black as always."

"Dark's comin' closer." She spoke fast, the words joining together. "Black bites at your toes, nibbles like snow, like ice. Chomps off the happy little toes. You're gonna try to stop it, Jayne Cobb, but it can't be stopped. Blackness flows unfettered, free like the river. Snaps like turtles at tiny toes."

Jayne watched her, shirt halted halfway down his torso.

"You try to bite me, little crazy, and i'll knock those teeth right outta your jaw."

River smiled.

"You're very literal-minded, Jayne Cobb. Jayne's a girl's name. Hindu name. Means victorious. Cobb is from the Norse. Means lump. A large lump of a man. In the end, Jayne Cobb, which one will you be?"

She stood and walked to the center of the room, stretched up a hand to touch his face.

"It's coming."

She padded soundlessly out of the room, leaving him alone with his ripping hangover and a powerful feeling of uncertainty.

---


	12. Chapter 12

---

Sorry, Joss, know you like to write season finales yourself...

---

Finale: Part 1

Three days. How had three days and--Mal looked at his watch--thirteen hours become his cutoff point? Hell, was a time he'd gone almost three years, not that he liked to admit it in particular. But now, after just three days, he was well on the way to losing his mind. He had a pretty sneaking suspicion this was all her fault. Girl had to bounce around in those little outfits. Breathy baby-doll tops and those pants--oh, wo de ma, those gorram pants. She was killing him with white denim.

From his seat at the table, he watched her sidle up to the counter, pour water over ice. She stretched up on tip toes, reached for something on a high shelf. He was staring at her ass. Dammit, Kaylee had seen him starin'. Now she was giggling into her potatoes, and he was on the verge of embarrassing his own self if he tried to stand.

Tian de ma, he wasn't gonna make it through the night. Worst of it was they weren't even arguin'. Not like he'd asked and she'd refused. Matter of it was, he hadn't asked, hadn't even gone to her shuttle. Hell, they were bein' downright civil, friendly even, jokin' around, teasin' each other in that way they had. They just weren't bein' friendly in the pelvic sense. Didn't help him bein' surrounded by hormones on parade. Just across the table, Kaylee and the doc was practically sittin' on each other. River wasn't much better, always tryin' to be near Jayne when her brother weren't around. Inara seemed unperturbed, said River was just learnin'. Blossoming, she'd said. That what they call it nowadays? Mal had asked, watching River stick her hand in Jayne's back pocket, grab his wooly hat and run away giggling. As for Jayne...well, Jayne was always hungry and horny. But he was still a mite scared of the little albatross. That was something.

"Well." Mal pounded a hand on the table. "Gots to check some things with the, uh, engine."

"Nothin' wrong with the engine, Cap'n. She's runnin' shiny."

"Really? Thought I heard a funny noise in there earlier."

"What kinda noises?" Kaylee watched him expectantly over the rim of her glass.

"I, uh, well, sort of a chokin'."

"Chokin', Cap'n?"

"Maybe a rumblin'." He cleared his throat, tried to clear his plate.

"I'll get it; I'm up anyway." Inara leaned over his shoulder, her hair falling forward against his face. He felt her breasts press into his back, had to work at swallowing.

"I, uh, 'spose I best be checkin' on that engine growl."

"Let me know how that works out," Kaylee muttered. "The growl."

"Right. Will do."

Inara fumed silently, scrubbing dishes at the sink. Ren si de fo zu, what was wrong with that man? Hair in the face should have worked. Even if the hair for some reason missed, then the soft press of breasts against his back should have sent the man over the edge. He hadn't touched her since she's informed him of the Guild's decision. For one naive little moment, she'd thought it would make things simpler. Silly, Inara chided herself as the cool water poured over her fingers. Her job had acted as an imposed complication, a convenient blockade stoppering any tricky emotional entanglements. The obvious barriers torn down, they were left with their inner ones. Complicated as things were--and with Mal it was always complicated--she missed him. Not just the sex, but the intimacy. And the sex. Dammit.

"Nara? You alright over there?"

Inara turned to the others, smile in place.

"Of course," she said brightly.

"Well, 'spose I best go check on the cap'n 'fore he breaks somethin'." Kaylee kissed Simon quickly. "I'll see you later, Mister."

"Mmm." Simon caught Zoe and Inara watching him with amusement. He blushed, cleared his throat.

"Zoe? I thought maybe, if you like, we could do an ultrasound this evening. You're about four and half months now, right?"

Jayne and River had wandered off, so it was just Inara and the doctor at the table. Inara, sensing she was intruding, started to rise.

Zoe reached out a hand to touch her arm, halt her there.

"That sounds like a good idea, Doctor," she said, eyes on Inara's. "Will you come too?"

Inara smiled, slid her hand down to clasp Zoe's.

"I'd love to come."

---

Having been unceremoniously kicked out of his own engine room under threat of death, Mal decided to wander about the ship. 'Haps he'd find Jayne or the doctor, see if they were game for a hand of cards. 'Course the doctor likely had other means of entertainin' his self on a lonely December night. Restocking the infirmary. Writing whatever it was he wrote in that gorram journal of his. Bedding Mal's pretty little mechanic. What in the name of Ye su had happened to his little boat? He could recall a time when things had been simple, sensible. He and Zoe did the jobs, Wash flew 'em out of harm's way, and Little Kaylee kept Serenity in the sky. Then he'd stumbled upon Jayne, or Jayne's gun anyhow, and the big mercenary joined the crew. Even then, life still had a kind of logic. So his best friend started smilin' and arrivin' late to breakfast, face all a'flush. So Wash shaved off that gorram bun mustache and tended to hum in the cockpit. Mal was still captain of the ship, life still made a kind of sense to him out there in the Black. And then she showed up. Gorramit, not a day had been simple or sensible since she came to see his shuttle, bringing with her trouble and complications and the scent of lilacs in summer.

And now she was leaning against the exam table in the center of his infirmary, chin resting in her hand, eyes fixed on a spot on the wall. She looked up, saw him watching her.

"Hi," she said, surprised.

"Didn't mean to interrupt." He hesitated, tried to decide whether or not to turn and walk away. Why was it he could never just walk away? "You, uh, waitin' on the doc? Everythin' okay?"

"Not exactly," she admitted before she could stop herself. She was too confused to be okay. Once, Inara's life had been very simple. She lived in a part of Sihnon that was lush and mild. She'd had a beautiful bedroom suite that couldn't fly away without her. The priestesses praised her strength, her work ethic, her focus and her dedication. They called her a quick study, a fast learner. Clearly, those wise women hadn't known her as well as they thought. Bright girls didn't take to bed with embittered old soldiers, no matter how swai.

"I, uh." Mal was fidgeting uncomfortably. "This some sort o' female troubles?"

She blinked at him, wondering whether he'd actually just said that.

"Yes, Mal," she said finally. "Some sort of female trouble. The kind that plagues every silly, idealistic heterosexual woman at one time or another. It's called man."

She started for the door but he held up an arm, blocked her exit. She sighed, folded her arms over her chest.

"I'm too tired to fight tonight."

"Wasn't really aimin' to."

"What is it you want from me, Mal?" she burst out.

"What do I want? Oh, this is just...Hell, never asked you for nothing you weren't already lookin' to give me. Never pushed you for anythin' more."

"Dammit, Mal! Maybe that's the problem."

"You...you are makin' the kinda sense that ain't, darlin'."

"You wanted me when you couldn't have me. We--both of us--wanted what we knew was impossible, or at the very least difficult. Complicated. And now...now..."

"Dammit, I still want you, Inara."

"You don't know what you want half the time!"

"Ha! Well, okay, may be some truth to that. But I ain't wrong about this, Inara."

She looked away.

"Inara." He tilted her chin up to meet his eyes. "Why don't you do somethin' completely at odds with womanly tradition and tell me what you're thinkin'."

She felt his hand touch her throat, his eyes get inside her. And suddenly she was just too tired for lies.

"I'm afraid you'll never be able to get past the life I had before, Mal. I'm afraid that you'll always see me as just a--"

"Hey." He cleared his throat. "Inara, I'm first to admit I ain't much good at the touchy-feely stuff. But you've got a right to know I don't think of you that way, don't think you're just a whore...never did, even when I said otherwise."

"I'm not some innocent, sacrificial virgin either, Mal."

"Thank God for that."

"I'm a big girl, and I don't want you treating me like something fragile, tip toeing around me."

" 'Course not." He took a step closer, rested his hands on her waist. "Ain't nothin' fragile about ya. 'Cept maybe this part here." He kissed her just behind the ear, bit lightly at the lobe.

"But, maybe you did have a point. Just this once."

His hands glided over her back, began to drift lower He slid his hands into her back pockets, kneading her bottom through the thin layer of fabric.

"Remind me what that was?"

"I, um." Inara was having some trouble focusing. "Perhaps I don't know exactly what I'm doing here. Perhaps this--you and I--is a little unfamiliar to me. I've never dealt particularly well with complications, Mal."

"Darlin', you and me both," he murmured before he caught her lips with his. He hadn't kissed her in three days and fifteen hours. He wished he had the patience to do it right now, go slow, but his hands were already cupping her through those incredible, evil pants. He pushed her up against the wall, fumbled with her zipper, unused to her in anything but a dress.

She twisted her fingers in his hair, sucked lightly on his full lower lip. She wanted him closer, tighter, pressed against her. She pulled his suspenders off his shoulders, used them to tug him nearer. She'd never, ever admit it, but, ta ma de, she found his suspenders sexy. She reached for his belt, then stopped, suddenly remembering where they were. Reluctantly, she pulled away from his mouth.

"Mal, wait."

He sucked in air, trying to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry, were we still fightin'?"

"No, not fighting."

He lowered his forehead to hers.

"Good, you had me worried there a minute." He lifted her arms and pulled her shirt over her head.

Surely the odds of someone walking in on them were slim, she told herself. By now, it was eight o'clock, nine, maybe? Surely, most of the crew was in bed. Uh huh. Mal's lips moved down her neck, and she decided the odds were very small indeed. He fumbled, somewhat adorably, with the front clasp of her bra. Succeeding at last, his lips found her breast, and he took her nipple in his mouth, sucking gently until she ached.

"Mal. Faster," she murmured, hoping he'd understand.

"We really got to talk 'bout you wearin' pants." His hands hurried to drag the soft white material over her hips. "They spawn all manner o' mayhem."

He hesitated, fingers curling over the waistband of her underwear. Little shorts today in pale floral-print pink. Tian de ma, she'd be the death of him. He took a breath, released her.

"You deserve to be had in a bed."

She contemplated throttling him if he persisted with this sweet yet thoroughly disconcerting Mal-the-gentleman routine. Instead she took his hand, led him to the exam table in the center of the room. She hopped up on the bed, lay back.

"Oh, the doctor surely wouldn't be likin' this," Mal said with a grin before kicking off his pants and joining her.

He moved down her body, kissing her breasts, her flat tummy. Warm open-mouth kisses that left her skin tingling. Lifting her hips, he dragged down her underwear, plunged his tongue into her almost before she could register it.

"Ohh." She made a sound halfway between a sigh and a whimper. "Mal." Her thighs locked around his head as he used his tongue to tease her, torment.

"Inara."

She was shaking, only half present. He slid two fingers inside her, feeling her body contract around him.

"I don't know much. But somethin's tellin' me if it weren't complicated, it couldn't be like this."

He pushed into her then, and for a moment they just held each other, feeling sweet, gentle relief. Then he lifted her leg up over his shoulder and started to thrust. And nothing was sweet or gentle. They moved in unison, wet and slippery, wild, frenzied. His mouth found hers, his lips taking greedily, hers responding in kind. He lifted her other leg up over his shoulder and began to move faster, harder. She let her head fall back, feeling his teeth bite gently at the soft flesh of her throat. He hadn't taken her this way before, hadn't allowed himself to love her so frantically, so desperately. She came, shivering and shaking, before she could decide what that meant.

They slept together in his bed after. Later, she'd remember that night as one of the last times and be grateful for it.

---

"Oh, she's awake!" Kaylee knelt by Zoe's seat, hand plastered to the older woman's belly beneath her shirt. "Ooh, she's all jumpy this mornin'."

"Just started the kickin' thing," Zoe admitted.

Mal raised a brow over his coffee mug.

"Ain't it all manner of disconcertin' havin' people feel you up 'fore noon?"

"Somewhat disconcerting, sir," Zoe acknowledged with a smile, but didn't stop Kaylee from touching.

"Oh, this is too shiny. Cap'n, you gotta feel!"

"Uh, no, I'm fairly sure I don't," Mal said, holding his hands up in the air as though she were aiming a gun. Way Mal saw it, babies were much more troublin' than guns. He'd stared down plenty of snub-nosed pistols but a button-nosed little person with round, innocent eyes? Hell, he wouldn't have a chance.

"Cap'n!" Exasperated, Kaylee rose and grabbed Mal by the wrist, tugging him out of his chair. She pulled him over to Zoe, forced his hand over her belly.

"Kaylee, this is just plain--whoa!" Mal pulled his hand away, changed his mind and put it back. "Can you believe it? Kid ain't even out yet and already she hates me. See! She did it again."

"Kicks everyone, sir. Don't take it personal."

"You best spend the next few months explainin' to her that I'm cap'n of this boat." He bent his head, speaking to Zoe's belly. "Here that, darlin'? We don't kick the cap'n."

"She's gonna love her Uncle Mal," Kaylee said, bouncing back to her chair.

"Any particular reason you're more cheersome than usual today, Kaylee?"

"Oh, no, she havin' a cheersome day, Mal?" Jayne stumbled in sleepily, crashed down in a chair.

"Seems that way," Mal remarked, shoving the coffee pot his way.

"Gorramit, I hate when she does that."

"Cap'n, don't tell me you forgot what tomorrow is."

" 'Course not. Tuesday, ain't it?" he asked Zoe.

"Thursday, sir."

"Thursday? Huh."

"Cap'n, tomorrow's Christmas Eve!"

Mal sighed.

"We gotta do that every year, Kaylee? Weren't it just a few months ago you was stringin' lights all over my boat?"

"Twelve to be exact," Zoe said mildly.

"C'mon, Captain. I'll do all the decoratin' my own self, won't bother you none."

"Huh, that's what I recall you sayin' last year. Then you had me up on a step ladder, gluing mistletoe to spots I didn't know existed. Almost had to kiss Jayne." Mal shuddered.

"Anyway you know how I feel 'bout Christmas."

"Really don't know why you're holdin' such a grudge, Cap'n."

"That man betrayed me Kaylee, and I ain't one to forgive easy."

"But that was years ago. Don't you think its time you let go?"

"When you really despise a man, you're a mite hesitant to celebrate his big day."

"Maybe if you just open up a little, he'd make it up to you someways."

"Said it before, and I'll say it again. I hate Santa Claus and nothin' gonna change that."

"You hate Santa Claus?" Inara stepped into the kitchen in time for the last comment.

"The year I was ten, every kid in my township wanted a Super Turbo Twin-Engine model spaceship for Christmas."

"Oh, hell, not the twin-engine spaceship story again," Jayne muttered.

"It turned into a submarine underwater!" Mal protested.

Inara smiled, sat beside him.

"And what did Santa bring little Malcom that year?"

"Gorram sweater," Mal muttered.

"Maybe you were bad." She bit her bottom lip to keep from smiling, took a sip of her tea.

"Oh ho, girl wants to see bad, does she?" Realizing the others were watching with more 'n a little interest, Mal cleared his throat, returned his gaze to his breakfast. "We really gotta do this again, Kaylee?"

"Cap'n, this year's gotta be extra special." She beamed. "It's Zoe's baby's first Christmas."

Mal leaned over to Inara.

"I'm sorry, what do you get a fetus for Christmas?"

"How 'bout a little cousin?" Kaylee said dryly, clearly annoyed with the lot of 'em. She smiled as Mal and Inara blushed in unison.

"Kaylee," he warned.

"Aw, hell, I gotta get it somethin'?" Jayne protested, missing the previous comment.

"Technically, I think she's supposed to be on the outside for her first Christmas, Kaylee," Zoe corrected.

"Nope," Kaylee said loudly. "This is the first. And everyone better show up for the party tomorrow with a big shiny smile, including you, Cap'n. If anyone ruins this, they's gonna have me to deal with, understand?" She flashed her sunny grin. "I just love Christmas!"

---

In a way that had become familiar these past months, Simon woke to find Kaylee's warm, pajama-clad body curled around him. Her head rested in the hollow of his shoulder, sleep-tousled hair strewn over his bare chest. A single arm snaked tight around his middle, her leg bent up over his. Every morning, he woke grateful, bewildered at his good fortune, not quite believing she was his. She was all that he'd never known he'd been wanting, been needing so terribly. On Osiris, he figured he'd end up with a doctor or a nurse, perhaps a grateful socialite whose ankle he set after a tennis accident. A cool-eyed blonde who'd help his mother shop for the Tam's annual Christmas party, sip tasteful sips of mulled wine with distinguished dinner guests.

But in all his life, he'd yet to know a girl as sweet, as genuine and good as Kaylee. She was strong too, sure of herself and the life she led--she didn't let him get away with anything. And yet she accepted him as he was, deemed him somehow worthy to share her bed, kiss the soft lips that breathed, slightly parted, against his skin just now. One thing Simon wasn't accustomed to was waking up aching for her every morning, his body often straining, hard and ready against hers, even before he opened his eyes. Once he'd awoke to find himself already inside her, hazy dream bleeding into sharp, tangible reality with each stroke. After he'd apologized, somewhat embarrassed, guilty at not asking her permission. She'd just smiled, ran his bottom lip through her teeth.

"Nothin' to feel sorry 'bout, honey." Her face was flushed, her eyes smoky. "Nothin' at all."

Now Simon kissed her temple, slipped his hand inside her pajama top. He stroked her with slow, deliberate movements, waking her gradually, still dumbfounded that this was actually allowed.

"For a doctor, you've got surprisingly warm hands, Doctor," she murmured sleepily.

"Morning, pretty girl." He slid on top of her, amazed at the way her knees parted, her heels pushing into his backside, drawing him closer.

"Mm, let's see how warm the rest of you is." Her fingers found the drawstring of his pants, started to tug.

Then there was a quick knock, the sound of a door creaking open.

Simon rolled off Kaylee quickly as his sister's ever-bare feet descended into the bunk.

"Merry Christmas Eve morning!" River said brightly, hopping up on the foot of the bed.

"Merry Christmas, River," Simon responded, groaning inwardly. Perhaps this was not the kind of scene his impressionable younger sister needed to be witnessing.

Kaylee seemed unperturbed by River's somewhat untimely entrance.

"Hell, you're right! For a moment there, I clear forgot. Your brother's good at the distracting," Kaylee added with a wink. She adjusted her pajama shirt and threw off the covers. Simon smiled in spite of himself as she dropped a kiss on River's head, reached for her coveralls. She tugged them up over the little shorts she'd worn to bed.

"Get some clothes on, sweetie," she said to River. "You're gonna help me decorate."

---

They all brought baby gifts, even Jayne. Zoe watched, somewhat self-consciously, as they piled them in front of her place at the table.

"Just like them people bringin' gifts to the baby Jesus," Kaylee said tearily.

"No one's givin' birth to no messiahs on my ship, and that's final," Mal muttered testily but tossed his hastily-wrapped package down with the others.

"So, what happens now?" Simon asked cautiously, not exactly sure what Christmas on Serenity entailed. "Do we all start singing carols or something?"

"No one's singin' on my ship, and that's final," Mal interjected. "Thems that got the yearnin' can croon till their heart's content out in the airlock."

"Here, Cap'n Scrooge," Kaylee muttered, sticking a mug in his fist. "Have some nog."

"Zoe, why don't you open the baby gifts?" Inara suggested, hiding a smile.

"If's mine's the best, do I get to name it?" Jayne asked.

"I already know her name," River said smugly.

"You plannin' on telling me, sweetie?" Zoe asked, surprised.

"It'll come to you," River said unconcerned. She stole Jayne's egg nog when he wasn't looking, took a long sip that left a coating of white on her upper lip.

Zoe unwrapped the gifts, while the others baited one another and polished off Kaylee's festively-decorated chocolate protein bars. Inara had given her a blanket, an intricate pink and cream weave that felt soft against her cheek.

"I do hope River's right about the baby being a girl," Inara said a little nervously.

She opened the others, touched. Kaylee and Simon's gift was a tiny shirt with "Ship's Little Princess" spelled out in rhinestones.

"I think I still have glue in my hair," Simon commented, pulling at a few strands that seemed stuck together.

River's gift was a sketch, colored in with pencils. A girl of seven or eight with waves of glossy black hair and skin the color of honey. The picture stared up at Zoe with her own shrewd brown eyes and Wash's smile. For several seconds, they all stared. River was, as always, an enigma to behold. Then Jayne gave Zoe his gift, a tiny baby-sized hat knit with alarmingly green wool, and they all laughed.

She opened Mal's gift last. It was a plush, stuffed dinosaur, bigger than the baby would be when she was born.

She looked up, met his eyes. He cleared his throat, went to refill his mug.

"Saw it on Beaumonde. Figured she'd need somethin' to keep her quiet nights, way babies tend to holler and such. Surely don't wanna be the one holdin' her all the time."

"Hey, Cap'n! You and Nara's standin' under the mistletoe," Kaylee announced, breaking the silence.

Mal looked up, saw the fake flowers plastered over the sink.

"Oh, don't that mean they gotta do it?" Jayne teased.

"That's an interesting take on the tradition," Simon said mildly.

Kaylee giggled, swatted them both on the back of the head.

"He's just gotta kiss her, you perverts. Go on, Cap'n, plant one right on her lips."

"It's okay, Mal," Inara offered, sensing he was uncomfortable with this. "I know you were never one for tradition. We don't have to..."

"Is that a challenge, Inara?" He grinned, for once not minding the audience. Kaylee's homemade egg nog must be messin' with his head, if'n he was actually enjoying hisself. "You all know I ain't never been one to back down from a challenge."

"Yes, Mal," Inara said dryly, rolling her eyes theatrically for the benefit of the others. "I dare you to kiss me."

He nudged her up against the wall.

"You think I won't? I think you're a mite scared, Miz Serra."

"He gonna kiss her already? Or they just gonna stand there talkin' bout it?"

"Think he's too chicken, Jayne," Kaylee taunted, loving everything, loving River for gluing plastic mistletoe to every available surface on Serenity.

"Hell, I'd o' kissed her twice by now," Jayne muttered.

"Think the people wanna see kissin', Nara. 'Spose we can't disappoint 'em."

In all her time on this ship, Inara was fairly certain she'd never seen Mal this way. The man who feared intimacy above all else, the man whose ears turned red when his name and sex came up in the same sentence, was about to kiss her in front of the entire crew. Hell, maybe she was a little scared.

"Try not to swoon now, darlin'." Mal grabbed her shoulders, making her jump, started to dip her down low.

Then the whole ship shook.

"Ye su," Simon murmured, grabbing Kaylee's arm to steady her.

"What in the ruttin' hell was that?" Jayne muttered.

"Either I just rocked her world, or we got somethin' of a situation," Mal stated, setting Inara on her feet. "Kaylee, engine room. River and Zoe, you're up to the bridge with me. Let's move people."

---

Mal threw himself down in the pilot's chair, began flipping switches.

"Dammit, I need visual." Who the hell was tryin' to blow them outta the sky?

"Uh, sir?" Zoe pointed upward. "I think we got visual."

Mal followed her gaze, as did River, craning her head back to see.

"Zang huo," Mal murmured.

"Mal!" Jayne came running up on to the bridge, Simon and Inara close at his heels. "That's a gorram Alliance Prowler."

"Jayne, think you may be on to something there," Mal said, watching the military vessel fly overhead.

"They're locked on our trajectory, sir," Zoe said. "Prolly been following us."

"They're waving us," River said.

"Least they quit shootin'," Mal muttered. "Get 'em up on the screen in a minute. Kaylee?" He spoke into the 'com. "Everythin' shiny with you?"

"Well, we're not on fire," Kaylee said from the engine room. "So that's somethin'."

"Good. Don't much like bein' on fire. Why don't you come on up to the bridge."

Mal took a breath, leaned back in the chair.

"Okay, put 'em through," he told River.

The vid screen scrambled, went dark. Then the face appeared, a man no more than forty with neatly-trimmed whiskers and a cool gaze.

"Captain Reynolds?"

"That's me. Don't believe we've met."

"Forgive me, Captain Reynolds. Rex Gray, Special Agent. I'm heading up the team investigating the Miranda situation."

"That's quite an assignment, Agent Gray."

"Which brings me to the somewhat unpleasant nature of our encounter today. I'm told you're the man to speak with regarding this matter."

"Wouldn't have to be unpleasant," Mal suggested. "I got no qualms with talkin'. Plenty to say too after my little trip to that poor planet."

"It seems you've said quite a bit already, Mr. Reynolds. In a manner of speaking."

"Something in particular I can help you with?"

"I always like to talk to a man face to face."

"And if I decide not to let you board?"

"Forgive me, Captain, but an antiquated Firefly transport ship is not prepared to do battle with an Alliance Prowler."

"She may be gettin' up in the years, Agent, but she's got surprises in her would blow your mind."

"Captain Reynolds, let me make this as clear as I know how. You'll allow my men and I to board your vessel or we will blow you and your mind out of the sky. Do we understand each other?"

Mal leaned forward, his voice low and furious.

"You know, Gray, I don't believe you'd do that."

"You might not want to make the mistake of underestimating me, Captain."

"Oh, I'm sure you'd love to see this heap in a million fiery bits. But you'd be explodin' Alliance cargo, and I'm guessin' your superiors would frown on that."

"Mr. Reynolds, you have thirty minutes to make your decision. If you run, know that we will follow, and this will end bloody. I'm only a killer when I have to be, Captain. I'm sure you can appreciate that sentiment."

Mal snapped off the vid screen. For a moment everyone was silent.

Then Jayne swore, started for the door.

"Jayne? Where you goin'?"

"Get Vera. We'll suit her up, maybe do enough damage to cripple 'em, buy some time to get away. And if not?" Jayne shrugged. "At least take some of 'em out with us."

"For once, I agree with Jayne," Simon stated, his eyes on his sister, curled like a doll in the chair beside Mal's. "We run, fight if we have to, but run."

"Kaylee?" Mal looked around to see her standing in the doorway. "You got an opinion on this?"

"She ain't ever disappointed us before, Cap'n. I think we should give her a chance."

"No," River said quietly, her voice almost emotionless. "Wash says she won't win this time. If we run, fight, Serenity will fall. Says we gotta let 'em board. Oh! I don't want them here, two by two, blue hands, steel eyes, eyes poking, prodding. No no no!"

"River." Simon pulled her up into his arms. "Shh, mei mei, it's okay. Serenity saved us before. Remember Persephone? The Reavers?"

"Not this time," she said tearfully.

"Captain?" Zoe asked.

Mal shook his head.

"River's a good pilot, damn good for an eighteen year old with no prior training. But she ain't Wash. And I sure as hell can't do what he could with this bird."

"So we let 'em board," Zoe said.

"Seems we got no choice."

"Are you psychotic?" Simon released River in Inara's care, turned on Mal. "They want her back!"

"Could be so," Mal conceded.

"You son of a bitch, if you let them board, I swear I'll--"

Zoe put a hand on Simon's shoulder to stop him, but Mal shook his head, motioned her to let go.

"You wanna hit me, Doctor? First shot's free. But if we try to run and we fail, and they take us by force, ain't gonna be no one around to help your sister."

"Wait, so you're just gonna give up and let 'em board, Cap'n?"

"Ain't nobody givin' up, Kaylee," Mal told her, though his eyes were on Simon. "But if Zoe and I learnt anythin' at all in the War, its to find someplace you can make a halfway decent stand when you're gonna do battle. We're gonna fight this battle aboard Serenity. Every one of you knows this ship like the body of a lover. Every beat-up, beautiful metal inch of her is familiar as the backs of your hands. If we've got a half a chance, I do believe she's it."

"You really believe we got a shot if we let 'em board, Cap'n?"

Mal hesitated, eyes on the unending Black before them.

Zoe stepped forward, laid a hand on Kaylee's shoulder.

"He does, Kaylee."

Mal met her eyes.

"I guess he does. Got a lot to do and a little time for doin' it. Now, we know all Serenity's secrets and they don't. That gives us the upper hand, by my way of seein'. Jayne-you're in charge of weapons. Think you can stash some away places they might be useful?"

"Think I can handle that."

"Good. Doctor, I want you down in the infirmary. Get some supplies--weaves, skin fusers, 'haps a couple shots of adrenaline. Kaylee, you go help the doctor. You know the cargo holds better, all the places for hidin' stuff you don't want found."

"Yes, Cap'n."

He met her eyes, saw the hurt, the hopelessness. She wanted to let Serenity fly, float them all to freedom. Hell, he wanted that too.

"Kaylee." He squeezed her shoulder. "Go on with the doc."

She nodded briskly, allowed Simon to lead her away.

"Zoe, you mind readyin' the connectors?"

"Sir." She left with a nod. Every order he ever gave her in the War, she obeyed with the same brisk nod, no questions, no hesitation.

"Albatross--"

"I don't want them here!" she said quickly. "Please, no..."

Mal crouched down by her chair, put his hands on her shoulders.

"River. I'm not gonna let them hurt you, you hear me? Long as I'm standin', they won't lay hands on you."

She looked at him, her eyes so very old in that smooth, unlined face.

"Keep flyin' her steady, I'll be a minute." He took Inara's elbow, led her off to the side.

"Don't 'spose you got any companiony clout can help us outta this?" he asked, voice low. "Any old favors you can call in? I wouldn't ask, 'cept, well, this is feelin' kinda urgent."

"I still have friends in powerful circles, Mal, but no one willing to stand up to Alliance federals."

"Don't gotta stand up to 'em so much as make their presence known. This here's about secrecy, else they woulda waited till we were in the world. They don't want this done on Boros 'cuz they don't want folk knowing 'bout it. Out here in the Black...it'll be like it never happened."

"That's what frightens me," she said quietly, her eyes on the small, slender girl curled up in the pilot's chair.

Mal touched her hair, traced a finger down the side of her throat.

"Sometimes I wish you hadn't come back. Sometimes I wish I'd never met you."

"You really know how to make a girl feel special."

"Guess I'm just gifted like that. I need you to do somethin' for me. In the drawer by my bed's a list of contacts, anyone we've dealt with the past couple years. Need you to burn it."

She nodded.

"Good girl."

"Mal?"

"Hmm?"

"I love...her. Serenity." She ran her fingers over the wall.

"Yeah." He met her eyes. "I love her, too."

---

Inara climbed down Mal's ladder, using one hand to hold her skirt. She sat on his bed and smoothed the sheet, still rumpled from earlier that afternoon when they'd made out like teenagers in the hour before the party. She found the list with little trouble, printed in Mal's big, childlike handwriting. She tore the pages from the notebook and burned them all with a flamer in Mal's sink. When she was returning the empty pad to the drawer, she found the hologram, face down in a dusty back corner. She turned it over to see her own image beaming up at her, an unnatural close-up captured by Kaylee just before Inara had left Serenity. She sat there for a long time, watching herself laugh.

---

"She's sad. Thinks you should have trusted her, let her soar."

"Serenity thinkin' that?" Mal asked, half believing her.

River smiled the sad smile she reserved for times when she thought the lot of them were actin' crazier than she.

"Kaylee..."

"Right. Kaylee. She's a strong one. She'll hold." He patted the console. "They both will. Listen, little one. You and me gots some talkin' to do 'fore this gets all manner of excitin'."

He knelt by her chair again, tilted her chin so she was looking right at him.

"Now, seems to me there's times you know a good bit more than's perfectly natural. Normally, I ain't one to pry, but today I'm gonna need you to tell me everything you see in that pretty little geniusy head of yours."

He watched her eyes drift closed, her hair fall forward to curtain her face.

"We got about fifteen minutes. What's written on the walls of your eyelids, Little Albatross?"

---

He had them all assemble in the cargo bay, everyone in plain sight, weapons stowed away in Serenity's secret cavities.

"Open the doors, Jayne."

"God help us," Zoe murmured and Mal met her eyes.

The airlock opened and eight Alliance troops rushed in, guns in hand.

Mal felt himself shoved against the wall, patted down and then cuffed. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Kaylee, eyes wide with fear as one of the young Federals ran his hands down the sides of her body, over her legs. Mal looked away.

"Okay, we're clear in here, Agent," one of the troops announced over a 'com.

Gray entered then, wearing a suit without a tie, carrying nothing in his hands save a styrofoam cup of coffee.

"Captain Reynolds. It might not seem it, but you decided wisely."

"Guess time'll be the judge on that one," Mal said, meeting the older man's eyes.

Gray nodded, his eyes betraying his distaste at the situation. Mal wondered whether or not that fact, the man's humanity, would work in his favor. In his experience, the self-righteous bastards tended to be the most dangerous.

"So you wantin' the grand tour?" Mal asked. "Woulda cleaned up some but you kinda caught us with our trousers down, showin' up all manner of uninvited."

"I would like to see the ship, Captain Reynolds, but I'll find my own way." Gray snapped his fingers, and two more men appeared at his side. "Make the crew comfortable in the passenger quarters. Leave the girl," he added, pointing to River.

"River-" Simon started, struggling to break free from the soldier clasping his arm.

"Doctor." Mal shook his head firmly, motioned for Simon to go. This ain't the time, son, his eyes said.

Mal watched, helplessly, as the others were taken up the stairs, Inara going last, shooting him a single reassuring glance before she too disappeared from sight. Finally, he was alone in the cargo bay with River, Gray and the two troops who'd remained behind.

"Okay," Gray spoke into his handheld 'com. "Bring it in."

If possible, Mal was starting to feel even worse about this situation. He shot a glance at River, but she seemed in a trance. The one time he actually wanted her playin' around in people's brains, and she decided to go all silent! What the hell were these pieces of luh suh up to? He knew when he saw the crate wheeled in, the blanket doing little to hide the sickening sounds coming from within.

"Dear God in Heaven," Mal murmured.

"We have to be sure, Captain," Gray said softly. He looked at River, shaking now, building herself up to a state of hysteria without uttering a sound. "So many goddamn lives depend on us being sure."

The crate shook fiercely now. Guttural growls and low, pleading moans.

"River!" Mal tried to get to her, but one of the soldiers was pushing her forward. Another dragged him along behind at a reasonable distance.

She was shrieking now, shaking.

"River, you can do this now. Ain't no different at all from the last time, you hear me? River?"

They'd reached the door to one of the storage closets. Gray tugged it open, tested the knob.

"Is this lock secure, Captain?"

"Ain't nothin' secure 'gainst one of those, Agent Gray," Mal said, meeting the man's cool blue gaze.

Gray hesitated a moment.

"Ready your weapons," he said to his troops. "Put her in the room."

One of the men aimed his gun, motioned River into the closet.

"It's nothin' but an animal, River," Mal said loudly. "Would be a mercy to put him down."

"Old wounds, stinging scabs. Gotta rip the bandage off fast, all in one tear," she said, smiling slightly.

"That's right, little one," he said, holding her eyes.

He maintained eye-contact as she backed into the closet, disappeared into the dark shadows.

"Take it out of the cage," Gray said.

The snarling was worse now. Teeth gnashing, breath thick and heavy. Mal wanted more than anything to cover his ears and turn away but he forced himself to look, to watch it happen.

They wheeled the crate up to the open closet door, removed the sheet.

It was a female, best Mal could make out. The hair was long and tangled, the flesh desecrated as was their way. Her lip was red where she'd bit through it in her lust for blood, for meat.

"Do it," Gray ordered.

One of the troops approached the cage tentatively, flung open the lock and jerked back. The reaver flew into the closet, and he slammed the door behind it.

Mal heard River scream, primal shrieks and the sound of a body hitting the floor. Then he didn't hear anything at all.

Part 2

She was just a girl, a pretty, big-eyed, wild-haired girl. A laughing girl who played with Kaylee, teased her brother merciless, nicked food from Jayne's plate. A brilliant girl who meddled in minds, saw the future. A dangerous girl who stood before them now, blood on her hands, her dress, the tips of her hair. A sad, beautiful girl who looked at Mal mournfully, as though he could somehow fix this, make it better.

He couldn't do a gorram thing.

"Good God," Gray murmured. He moved toward the closet.

"God ain't no where near this," Mal muttered. He watched as one of the troops gestured with his gun for River to sit on the floor, knelt gingerly to shackle her hands.

Gray stepped out of the closet, cleaned his palms on a handkerchief from his pants pocket.

"Lord in Heaven, its true." He stared at the small, shivering figure of the girl on the floor. "She's the one."

"Didn't have to put her through that to prove it," Mal said, voice low and furious. "This ain't the first time she's cleaned up an Alliance mess."

"It was rumored to be so." Gray knelt by River, brushed a strand of wet hair out of her face. "I had to be sure, Captain Reynolds. A great many lives depend on my being sure."

"Well, you found your assassin, Agent Gray. Can't say I agree with the Alliance usin' innocent little girls to do their dirty work. What do they want her for anyhow? Rub out some political rivals? Squash a rebellion on a border moon? What's a man like you consider just cause for torturin' teenagers?"

"Captain Reynolds, do you know what your problem is?"

Mal snorted a laugh.

"Which one?"

"You gave up on humanity long ago. Was it the War that did it? Or did it happen after, when life insisted on going on after the Browncoats failed?"

"At least I don't have to look in the mirror and lie to my own self to get through the day. Ain't lyin for nobody else neither."

"What is truth, Captain? You have your truths, I have mine. You believe people are hopeless; I believe there's hope. Perhaps Miranda was a tragic blunder, perhaps we acted rashly, on too grand a scale. But none of that changes the basic premise. A world without war, a peaceful world, is still a righteous ambition. You fought at Serenity Valley, didn't you, Captain? I would think a man like you would understand the work I do, the ends I seek."

"Alls I understand is 30 million dead folk and 30 thousand others be better off dead."

"Perhaps that's all you see. And perhaps, for you, that justifies the damage you caused in broadcasting that recording."

"People deserve to know the truth." Mal felt his eyes drawn to the girl on the floor, damp hair curtaining her face, hiding her pained eyes.

"Oh, and we're back to that word again! Captain Reynolds, the only truth I care about its the truth that more will die because of your actions. When Simon Tam broke into that facility and took River Tam away, he set into motion a chain of events that spawned suffering and death on a far grander scale than you can imagine."

"Might not wanna speak to my ability for imagining suffering and death. And, after what your people did to that girl, I know you ain't one to point fingers."

"Captain Reynolds, I've neither the time nor the inclination to justify myself before a man like you. And, in truth, you and I have other, more pertinent matters to discuss." He turned, enraged, unable to resist. "Didn't you ever wonder as to the purpose behind River Tam's training? She isn't merely some government assassin, some toy we created to eliminate our rivals. River Tam was selected and educated for one, precise goal: the elimination of the Reavers."

Mal's face changed, his jaw going slack, then cementing again.

"Now you must be insane. Ain't no way one girl, even one of River's considerable talents, can wipe out a whole fleet of cannibals."

"Not on her own, no. There are others."

---

A big, hulking man led them up the stairs, herded them into the dining area. He considered the open space, the long table. Apparently satisfied, he snapped his fingers, motioned for a pair of troops to take watch at either exit.

"Take your seats, folks," he declared, strolling casually around the table.

Zoe and Jayne exchanged pointed glances. Clearly he was the one in charge in Gray's absence. That made him the first hurdle.

"I thought we were going to the passenger dorms," Simon protested.

"Think I'd prefer you here where I can keep an eye on y'all. If that's okay with you, son."

The big man laughed, squeezed Inara's collarbone, making her cringe.

"Don't worry, sure Gray'll be along soon to take you off for questioning."

"Questioning?" Kaylee whispered, eyes wide.

Simon shifted his shackled hands into her lap, squeezed her fingers under the table.

"Sounds like a regular laugh riot," Jayne muttered. "Let's hurry and get started with that."

"You ever been tortured, Jayne?" Zoe asked.

"Walked in on the cap'n showerin' once." Jayne shuddered. "There's a day I'd like to forget."

"You think that's bad?" Simon whispered back. "I'm the one who has to see everyone on this ship naked. Every time someone gets shot or stabbed or tortured, to bring up current events, I--"

"I'm so sorry to interrupt, but, children? Perhaps we can stop bickering for five seconds and work out a rutting plan."

"Inara, did you just say ruttin'?"

"Think she did, Jayne," Zoe commented.

"Actually she said 'rutting.' With a 'g'," Simon offered.

"Bi zui! Nara's right." Kaylee took a breath. "Now, don't mean to be ruinin' all the fun, but we need a plan. So. Who's got one?"

"Thought the plan was sit here and shut up so they dont beat on us," Jayne muttered.

"For once, Jayne might actually have a decent plan," Zoe murmured.

"Are you kiddin', Zoe? We're just gonna wait for whatever's gonna happen to...happen?"

"Just sayin' 'haps we should wait on the cap'n, Kaylee. Don't have no orders."

"And what if that order never comes, Zoe? What if Mal never makes it up here to tell us what to do?"

"Simon!"

Simon ignored the hurt in Kaylee's voice, the alarm Inara failed to conceal, and pressed forward.

"Until Mal walks through that door and starts yelling at us in his usual genteel manner, you're the captain. You're the one who needs to make decisions, Zoe. So make one. Help me save River."

Zoe hesitated, feeling a powerful urge to hit the doctor for what he'd said, hit him because he may have been right.

"Diversion could be worth a try. Jayne, think you can get the pair on the left if the others are distracted?"

Jayne shrugged, grinned widely.

"Be fun to find out."

Zoe watched the hulking man sniff at the bowl of egg nog, party leftovers no one bothered to stow away. Was it really still Christmas Eve?

Kaylee followed Zoe's line of sight, leaned over the table conspiratorially.

"So what are we thinkin'? The old poison-the-nog routine?"

"Is that actually a routine of ours?" Simon asked.

Kaylee shrugged.

"Sounds more promisin' if we pretend like it worked before."

"This is one sorry bunch of outlaws," Jayne said. "And if we die, I'll miss at least a couple of ya."

"I have poison in my shuttle," Inara said. "Nothing here, I'm afraid."

Zoe smiled, thinking how proud the captain would be if he could hear her.

"I'm not, uh, packing poison. But I did tape a dope gun under the sink," Simon offered.

Jayne shook his head, clearly impressed.

"Doc, if you wasn't all the way 'cross the table, I mighta had to kiss you."

"Then the seating arrangement's a Christmas miracle," Simon suggested. "So? What's our diversionary tactic?"

"Nara? You're closest to the sink. Think you can go for the doper if I distract the others?"

"I can certainly try. How do you plan on distracting them?"

Jayne grinned.

"Gonna hit 'em over the head with this ruttin' pot."

"That should divert their attention," Inara admitted.

"We move on my count, people," Zoe said.

"What are you gonna do?" Jayne asked.

"Trip the fat one," she replied.

"What should I do?" Kaylee whispered.

Simon shrugged.

"Pray?"

---

Well, least they're still alive. That was Mal's first thought, as Gray's men ushered him unceremoniously into his own dining quarters, shoved him roughly up against the wall and shackled him to a pipe. His second was: Which of 'em came up with this bright idea?

"What in the name of Ye su happened up here?" Gray demanded.

Mal took in the scene with some amusement, trying to work out the details. Best he could figure, Jayne had hit one of the troops on the head with a cast-iron skillet. That sorry son of a bitch lay sprawled bleedin' all over Mal's newly-shined floor. Damn. By the way another soldier was clutching his ribs, Mal assumed Jayne's next shot had gone to the man's stomach. Rather impressive for a man with both hands literally tied behind his back. Course, that's when the carefully-constructed scheme seemed to have fallen apart. At least, Mal guessed it had, if Jayne's fat lip was any indicator, not to mention the guns bein' held all 'round the others. Still, the diversion must have worked, at least for a moment, while the second set of soldiers raced to help the first. Clearly someone found the time to go for the dope gun, shoot the big fella with the muscles in the neck 'fore the standing soldiers caught on, caught him. Or her. Mal glanced at the burly figure of the man passed out on the floor, shot Inara a look of respect before turning to the others.

"And you're always criticizing my fine plans," Mal admonished, shaking his head at the group.

Simon met Mal's eyes, his own a question, and mouthed a single name. OK, Mal mouthed back, hoping it was true. She was alive, though. That was something.

"Who's your next in command, Captain?" Gray was asking.

"My ship, they're all just the help."

"I'm second in command, Agent," Zoe spoke up, raising her manacled hands.

"Not after I demote her," Mal muttered as one of the soldiers grabbed Zoe by the elbow, pulled her to her feet. "Damned bunch o' insubordinates, I tell ya."

"She's the one who tripped me," another muttered under his breath, rubbing at his kneecap.

"So you're...Zoe Washburne? Is that correct?" Gray used his laser pen to note something on his portable source box.

"Was her. Ain't anymore." She stared straight ahead, eyes expressionless.

"If you aren't she...who are you, then?"

"Not rightly sure."

"Uh huh." Gray motioned for one of his men to step forward. "I see you share the Captain's cooperative streak."

He lifted Zoe to her feet, pushed her against the soldier.

"The others are searching the ship," he murmured. "Take her to one of the dorms. There's someone who wishes to question her."

"What am I supposed to be keepin' quiet 'bout, sir?" Zoe asked loudly as two men nudged her down the stairs.

"Don't rightly know. Whatever you do, don't let on we was Browncoats." Mal grinned at Gray. "Think they frown on that."

"I'll keep it in mind, sir," Zoe called back, her voice fading as she disappeared around a corner.

"She ain't able to help you none," Mal told the agent. "I'm the only one worth dealin' with here."

"For their sakes, I hope that's true." Gray removed his jacket, hung it over the back of an empty chair. "Make yourself comfortable, Captain Reynolds. We'll see how well you truly know this crew of yours, and perhaps discover how well they know you."

---

The soldier brought Zoe to Simon's bunk, threw her down on the bed and left.

Surprised, Zoe sat up, took the time to roll the creak out of her neck. Leaving her alone on her own ship. Not exactly a bright move on Gray's part. Granted she hadn't spent a great deal of time in the doctor's room since he joined the crew. But this hadn't always been Simon's bunk. Once, what seemed like a long time ago, Wash had slept here. Yes, Zoe had spent a number of very interesting nights in this room, in this bed. She and Wash, lying in the dark afterwards, staring up at the ceiling. There was a grate in that ceiling which opened into a handy if slightly narrow passageway to the outer hall. They'd discovered that crawl space one night when Mal knocked on Wash's door at a very inopportune moment. A naked moment, as Wash would have said.

Thank you, Baby, she mouthed, and started searching for something to break her shackles.

---

"Seven people. Seven, very different people living together, surviving together, functioning as a crew."

"About melts your heart, don't it, Gray?"

"You do seem to inspire a certain loyalty, Captain. Of course, loyalty can only get you so far. My men are searching this ship as we speak. They will acquire the names of every one you've ever dealt with, contracted with, met for a brew. And one way or another, I will learn what you know."

"Agent Gray, you seem to be operating under a misapprehension or two. My part in this story is over, ain't leadin' nobody's revolution?"

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that? There are certain border moons, back-alley townships where the name Malcom Reynolds means something, where people would rally around the name, rally around the man."

Mal frowned, a few seconds late in hiding the surprise.

"Jayne's the one with the town named for 'em. Don't imagine the folk from my own back-alley township still remember the name Malcom Reynolds."

"You may not find this deception a terribly wise policy, Captain Reynolds. Simon Tam. Dr. Simon Tam. Do you know, son, I feel for you." Gray strolled over to where the doctor sat, slapped him on the back.

"I'll bet you do," Simon said dryly. "You just radiate compassion."

"You were just a young man, a brilliant young doctor, doing what he though was right, however foolhardy, however wrong."

"I don't believe saving my sister from government-sponsored torture was wrong, Agent Gray."

"You trusted the wrong people, fell in with worse ones. And now you're banded with a man who aims to start a revolution, lead his fellow Browncoats as he failed them once before."

"I--are we doing that? Forgive me, Agent, but I'm always the last to know anything around here."

"I can see you're the funny one."

"Him?" Mal snorted. "Oh, he's surely not the funny one."

Gray made a note on his source box, pulled up another screen.

"And you: Miss Frye, I take it? You never did an illegal thing in your life before meeting Malcom Reynolds." Gray knelt on the floor by her chair, patted her knee reassuringly. "Just how did a sweet little girl like you get mixed up with a bitter ex-Browncoat?"

"Oh, jeez! I wasn't that sweet." Kaylee shrugged, blushed a little. "Drank some and went around with boys. Stole a lipstick once from the general store. Just the regular kind, not the sort knocked the cap'n unconscious."

"Thanks, Kaylee," Mal muttered. "We don't bring that up near enough."

"Childish pranks, raging hormones," Gray said dismissively. "That's hardly explains your decision to join up with criminals, face a life of deprivation and danger out here in the Black."

"Well, we wasn't exactly livin' the rich life back home," Kaylee muttered. "My daddy hardly made enough to feed us all half the time."

"Life can be a hardship. And Captain Reynolds offered you an alternative, didn't he?"

Kaylee raised her chin.

"Gave me a job, not to mention a real home, even if its floating."

"I understand your loyalty, Miss Frye. An impressionable young girl and a handsome older man..."

"Oh, for God's sake," Mal burst out, having had just about enough of this line of questioning.

"Handsome? Wait, you think the cap'n...that me and him was...?" Kaylee started to giggle, laughed so hard her shoulders shook. "Oh, that's just too shiny!"

"Miss Frye, there's nothing amusing about being guilty of treason against one's government."

This time both Jayne and Simon lost it.

"Oh, Christ," Simon managed. "We're going from heroes to martyrs. Jayne's a gorram martyr."

Inara was biting her lip to keep from smiling. Truly, it wasn't funny. They were probably all going to die. Inara didn't want to die, but if it had to happen...well, she was glad to be here, with these people, on this ship.

"Mr. Cobb, is it?" Fed up with Kaylee, Gray moved over to Jayne, rested a hand on the bigger man's shoulder. "Now here's a wrap sheet more fitting of a man who makes his home with common criminals."

"Yeah, we're mighty proud of him," Mal said helpfully.

Gray ignored him, scrolled through several screens of information.

"Violence. Theft. Attempted murder."

Attempted? Mal mouthed.

Jayne shrugged.

"...public nudity. Drunk and disorderly conduct. Shall I go on?"

"Your dime, Agent."

"You didn't fight in the War, didn't join up on either side. Is there a reason for your neutrality, Mr. Cobb?"

"Guess I ain't much of a joiner."

"Or you didn't give a damn," Gray suggested.

"Yeah," Jayne admitted. "That too."

"And yet you chose to help Captain Reynolds broadcast a very damaging message."

"Guess that's so."

"You didn't always follow the captain so devotedly. At one point, you attempted to turn in the fugitive Tams."

Jayne glanced at Simon, shrugged.

"Things is different now," he muttered stiffly.

"Yes, Mr. Cobb, they certainly are. I'm guessing you're the companion. Miss-" He glanced at his source box screen- "Serra, is it?"

"Inara." She smiled. "And I'm no longer with the Guild, Mr. Gray."

"Inara. Rex, then. Am I to take it you've gone...independent? Following in Captain Reynold's footsteps, perhaps?"

"I haven't taken up whoring, if that's your question, Rex." Inara kept up that cool, dazzling smile, the one that didn't quite reach her eyes. "And I've never made it a point to emulate Captain Reynolds."

"My dossier indicates that you and he have developed a, shall we say, personal relationship."

Kaylee caught her breath. Simon looked politely at his hands. Jayne was gaping. Inara couldn't see Mal's face, but she could guess what was going through his head. Not visions of sugar plums. More like murder.

"I've offered the captain my services on occasion, yes. He was in need of, shall we say, companionship and able to pay." She met Gray's eyes, glad she couldn't see Mal's. "We're all in need of comfort from time to time, aren't we Rex?"

"I imagine you speak the truth, Inara. And really, no one would blame the captain for accepting your offer. You're a singularly beautiful woman."

"Thank you for the compliment."

"I'm sure men have lost their heads over you before. Their hearts, perhaps their tempers." Gray forced himself to go on, hating this part. Still, it could be useful.

"I-I suppose."

She was slipping. Careful, Mal warned silently. He didn't like where this was going. Hell, he didn't much like where it had been; so much for keepin' some measure of privacy.

"Wasn't there one man in particular, Inara? A man whose greed for you nudged him over a delicate line?"

She hesitated a moment and when she spoke again her tone was soft but cold.

"That line isn't terribly delicate, Mr. Gray."

Mal felt a cool sickness spread over his belly. He tried to catch Kaylee's eye, but she was staring at the table. She already knew, he realized.

"Deacon Marshall was the man's name, is that correct?"

"I...that was all a very long time ago."

"You were hardly more than a girl. Seventeen?"

Behind Gray's back, Mal used his head to gesture. Jayne finally looked up, caught the movement. Mal raised his eyebrow, jerked his head at Inara. Jayne kicked her under the table, hard enough to make her startle thought not so hard as to call attention. She seemed to understand.

"Nearly." She'd regained some modicum of control. Her voice was steadier now, her back straighter. "But then that's all in your dossier, isn't in Agent Gray?"

"Didn't we agree on Rex? And I'd prefer to hear your version, Miss Serra. I'm sure everyone's interested."

Kaylee made a sound like a whimper, started to object, but Simon grabbed her hand under the table. He shook his head, no, eyes on the men with the guns.

"I don't see how this matter is relevant. It was resolved long ago."

"Humor me, Inara."

"Ta ma de hun dan!" Kaylee burst out, missing the way Simon tensed beside her.

"I suppose that's true, Miss Frye." Gray's words were wistful. "Sometimes, in my job, I've call to be a bastard."

"No call for what you're doin' now," Kaylee said, voice full. Inara had told her this story, told her after Early when she couldn't sleep nights.

"It's all right, Kaylee." Inara met the girl's eyes, employed all her talents to make the gaze confident, reassuring. "If Mr. Gray wishes to hear a story, I see no reason not to oblige him. I warn you, Rex, this tale isn't very pretty. But perhaps that's the sort of story men like you, powerful men, prefer? The night before my seventeenth birthday, I accompanied my House priestess to a ball at the Rosemont Hotel in Capital City. You see, I went to live with the sisters at fourteen, but spent my first few years learning, training. A companion doesn't service client's before her eighteenth year. This ball was to be my introduction to high society. I was to dance with all the important men, have my hand kissed by their sons. The idea was to garner a following, an advanced clientele. Truly, the attention was overwhelming, dizzying even. Never in my life had so many men..." She trailed off, as though lost in the memory.

"The ball went on for hours. Around midnight, my House priestess claimed her feet were aching, decided to rest on the sofas. I should have gone with her, but I was too excited to sit still. All the attention, the glamor...I made the rather foolish mistake of accompanying one of the city officials to his room. A man named Deacon Marshall. He'd spilled wine on my dress. I knew the priestess would be angry, as it was one of her favorites. He was very gentle and kind. He said his serving girl would help me wash the stain before it set. But once we got upstairs...well, there was no serving girl."

Mal closed his eyes as his stomach sank.

"At first he tried to offer me money, his wife's amethyst ring. When I rejected his advances, he... stepped over that delicate line of yours, Mr. Gray." The last she said with an ironic bite, a sadness that made Mal want to gather her up, hold her tight against him.

"Then he took sexual advantage of you, Miss Serra?"

"No." Inara let out the breath she'd been holding. "He didn't get that far. Fortunately for my sake, another man heard us from the hallway, saw the state of my...attire...and shot Mr. Marshall. A doctor was summoned, but by then it was too late."

"That's quite a tale, Miss Serra."

"As I said, it was all a long while ago. If you've any more questions, I'm sure you can find the answers in Guild records."

"Oh, I'm sure your story holds true with Guild record." Gray rested his backside on the edge of the table, reached out to brush a strand of Inara's hair behind her ear. "Of course, there's a maid at the Rosemont in Capital City with a slightly different take on the tale."

"I don't know what you mean, Mr. Gray."

"She's getting on in years now. Still, her memory seems lucid enough. She remembers a young girl, an exquisite young girl--I'm quoting now. She says she heard shrieking, shouting, then a single shot. She ran into the room to find that lovely young girl half-dressed, crying, gun in hand, and our Mr. Marshall dead on the bed. A second later an older gentleman, gray-haired and distinguished, barged in, took the gun from her and said he'd done it, he'd shot her attacker, saved her. Is this coming back to you now, Miss Serra?"

Even Jayne was staring off now, embarrassed for her. She almost smiled, surprised he was capable of the emotion.

"We can't always trust our memories, nor our perceptions of events, Mr. Gray." Inara raised her eyes from the table, having carefully quelled the tears they threatened to spill. "Human recollection is rarely pristine."

"A Mr. Trevor was your reputed savior, yes?"

"He's a good man, one to whom I owe a great deal."

"That wouldn't be your last encounter with Mr. Trevor, would it Miss Serra?"

"I saw him again, saw him often in fact. He's the brother of one of the priestesses."

"Curiously, I'm aware of that fact as well, Miss Serra. I'm also privy to certain information from the Allied base on Sihnon. Apparently, you saw Mr. Trevor just hours before you left the Guild House, for good it would seem."

"Unless the law's changed, there's nothing illegal about speaking to a man, Agent Gray." Inara curved her lips. "As I mentioned, Mr. Trevor is a dear friend."

"A friend you agreed to meet in a Blackout Zone your last night on Sihnon."

---

Zoe had the shackles off, was halfway up the grate when the door opened. She tried to shimmy up but strong arms grabbed her around the waist, hauled her back down on to the bed. She rolled over, ready to strike, and found herself looking into a set of familiar, ice blue eyes.

"Hello, Zoe."

"Gideon," she said with a slight nod. Barely pausing a beat, she drew back and slammed her fist into his jaw. "You should have stayed gone."

---

Gray was not a happy Alliance special agent. His superiors expected two ends from this mission. The first was the girl, stowed away in the cargo bay. The second was a full report on the man called Malcom Reynolds, the men and women who made up his crew, and everything they knew about possible Independent uprisings. The insufferable man wouldn't even acknowledge the revolution, let alone admit to leading it.

"This is pointless," Gray murmured to one of his soldiers. "They're too united as a group. We need to separate them, take away their fearless leader." He rolled his eyes, raked a hand through his closely-trimmed beard.

"Yessir. Should I take Captain Reynolds down to one of the passenger dorms for questioning?"

"Please do."

"Will you be joining us, Agent Gray?"

"No." He sighed. "I've another matter to attend to."

---

River had killed her, the snapping Reaver female. Now she killed them: the two men guarding her. Two quick movements and it was done, hardly had to expend an effort. She glanced down at her hands, saw the blood. Oh. Oh, oh, oh.

"Simon," she whispered, then remembered he was gone, taken. He needed her; they all did. She knelt on the cold floor of the cargo bay by the bodies. One gazed up at her with dead, staring eyes. She thought she might be sick, forced herself to breathe slowly through her mouth. When she was calmer, she found the keys to the shackles, flung off the cuffs.

"The light blinds," she murmured, moving silently, swiftly. "In the dark, we can finally see our true paths."

---

Zoe made for the door, but heard Gideon's gun cock behind her.

"Have a seat, all right? I don't want to hurt you."

She turned slowly, lips quivering in amusement.

"You think you could?"

Gun trained on her chest, Gideon took a tissue from Simon's neat box on the dresser, dabbed at his swelling lip.

"You have a hell of a punch, Kid," he said softly. "Of course, having experienced the touch of your lovely hands in other settings, I can't say I'm surprised at their skill."

"Well, you surprised me, Gideon. Not many do. I figured you for a snitch after what you did to Simon and River. But an Alliance snitch? Didn't know you aimed so grand."

"I'm not a government informant, Zoe. And believe it or not, I thought it might do Simon and River good to see the Tams." And then they could have taken her there, avoided all of this. Gideon didn't care about Gray's feared revolution. He had a single prerogative.

"And you're interested in doin' good for the boy and his sister?"

"What can I say? I have a soft spot when it comes to parents." He glanced pointedly at Zoe's belly. "Probably because the Reavers ate mine."

Zoe looked away.

"For someone with a grudge 'gainst the Reavers, you're in an odd line of work."

"I know the Alliance is responsible for them. I also know they're the only ones who can destroy them. But not alone, Zoe. Not without trained killers, smart enough to anticipate their actions. Killers like River. Like me."

Zoe hesitated, thrown once again. She didn't like being disconcerted, didn't care for the way this boy had of disconcerting her.

"If you know the way that girl suffered and still see fit to hurt her more, then God have mercy on you."

"I don't want mercy, Zoe. I want revenge. I think that's something you can understand." He took a step forward, rested a hand on her arm. "I want to see them all dead."

"I'd advice you to remove that hand."

"You and I are a lot alike, Zoe."

"You're a fool, boy. A government drone, brainwashed into propagating their lies. Probably brought you in like River, a brilliant little boy with no sense to know better."

"I didn't get tricked the way River did. I wasn't forced into that training program. I helped create it."

"You're a special kind of monster, Gideon."

She took a step back toward the door.

"I want to protect her." Gideon moved toward her and tilted her chin up, forced her wide brown eyes into contact with his. "If you let us take her, I promise I'll do everything in my power to keep her safe. And if you cooperate with me, I can keep the rest of you safe as well. They only want her and Mal."

She wished she was Inara then, wished she had the younger woman's uncanny wiles, as Mal called them. As it was, she'd have to rely on her own.

"Ah, Zoe." For a second, he sounded like Wash. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Funny, if she didn't know him to be a liar, she'd be tempted to believe that. She let him stroke her face, run his hand over her hair. Then she brought her knee up between his legs in a move the captain had taught her their first week of boot camp. When he doubled over, she brought her hand down on the back of his neck, sent him sprawling sleepily to the floor.

"Good night, lover," she said quietly. She stuffed his gun in her belt.

---

Mal burst out of the room he'd been locked in at the same time Zoe left hers. She ran smack into his chest, and he had to grab her shoulders to keep her upright.

"Hey."

He held on a minute longer than necessary, relieved to see her alive and standing.

"Sir." She nodded, surprised, and glanced over him quickly. Black eye, knife wound on the shoulder. Still, it looked like a flesh wound. He'd live. "How did you...?"

He released her and held up his hands, metal bracelets still clinging to each wrist but the adjoining chain cut clear in two.

"Threatening your captive with a laser cutter ain't always the smartest notion."

Zoe smiled and started down the hall.

"Dead?"

"Let's just say he's in no condition to sing Christmas carols. How 'bout you?" Mal asked, jogging to keep up with her.

"Sir, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

---

River crept along Serenity's floors. Like Moses, she found she could walk on water. Soundless, serene, she padded down the halls.

"There's clarity in the Black," she whispered.

The engine room was empty, though it carried Kaylee's scent. Engine grease and sweet-vanilla perfume. Kaylee. Kind Kaylee, so good for her brother, patient with his bumbling. Smiling, River opened the fuse box, big eyes scanning the row of neatly labeled switches.

---

Mal didn't have the key to this cabinet. There was only one, and the doctor generally carried it. He broke the glass with his elbow and reached inside, shuffling through bottles of pills and immunization kits. He found the gun easy-enough, swaddled in layers of gauze. Unfortunately it shot dope instead of bullets. Still, he couldn't risk trips to the cargo bay or kitchen, where they'd hidden the more serious weapons. He stuck the gun in his waistband as Zoe tore off a piece of her sleeve, tied in like a tourniquet around his bleeding elbow.

"Figure this might come in handy if we're gonna launch an attack."

"Go for the doctor first?" Zoe asked, meeting his gaze.

Mal nodded, hoping the boy would still be standing when they got there. He watched Zoe edge toward the door, sleek and graceful as ever.

"Zoe...you, uh, you're okay, right? Everything's still...okay?"

"Captain, I hope you aren't plannin' on treating me like a girl now on account of my bein' in the family way."

Mal cleared his throat, edged along the wall behind her.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Glad to hear it, sir."

---

They'd taken the cap'n and then they went and took Simon. He'd mouthed something as they led him away, met her eyes for a single instant before disappearing down the stairs. She thought he'd mouthed, I love you.

Kaylee glanced at Inara who looked up, offered a sad smile. She was still so shook up, Kaylee recognized. Mostly Nara hid it well, but having all that come out in front of everyone, in front of the cap'n...Kaylee longed to hug her but she couldn't, couldn't do nothin' 'cept sit in the gorram chair.

She looked at Jayne, brooding across the table. He was prolly feelin' insulted, angry to be left with the girls when all the other men--and Zoe--got taken. She and Nara weren't 'xactly the cavalry. Hell, she didn't even know what the cavalry was. She leaned back in her chair, ready for some heavy sulking. Then somebody killed the lights, plunging them all into darkness.

---

"I'm fine," Simon said, running a hand over his hair.

The boy sounded like he was surprised his own self.

"He just asked questions about River, her routine, her nightmares, whether she still experiences...bad days. He was a scientist, actually."

"I get laser cutters and he gets polite conversation? Oh, this is just..."

"There are nonviolent manners of resolving conflict, Mal," Simon said. He nearly tripped on the stairs, grabbed the railing to break his fall.

"How'd you knock him out?" Zoe asked, hiding a smile.

"I, uh, stuck him with a tranquilizer when his back was turned. I always keep a few in River's room, just in case..."

Mal rolled his eyes at Zoe, started to follow Simon up the stairs. Then he nearly tripped his own self as the world suddenly went black.

"Go back," Simon whispered. It was River, he knew instinctively. Somehow she'd gotten free; now she was trying to save them. "I've got a few illumination sticks in the infirmary."

"Like a gorram boy scout," Mal muttered, but started back down the stairs.

---

The kitchen went strangely silent. Inara felt her skin crawl. Of all the rooms on Serenity, the dining area was never still.

"What the hell's going on?" one of the soldiers demanded.

"Hell if I know."

Jayne leaned across the table, so far Inara could feel his breath heavy and warm on her cheek.

"This is it, ladies. I'm gonna try to take 'em out. When I give the signal, you run like hell."

"What's the signal?" Kaylee whispered back.

"Them screamin' like girls."

Inara heard Jayne shift in his seat, lift something from the table. Then she heard the crash. Without waiting to hear more, she stood, whispered for Kaylee to do the same.

"The stairs, mei mei. Go," Inara guessed, trying to make out Kaylee's shape in the starlight.

They heard a piercing war cry, feet pounded on metal. Jayne seemed to be chasing off their guards.

Inara turned to follow Kaylee down the stairs. Then something grabbed her ankle and she gasped.

---

Zoe stood at the door, gun poised to attack, as Mal and Simon ransacked the infirmary, trying to find the illumination sticks in the dark.

Simon located one at last, flipped it on so the beam shot straight into Mal's eyes.

"What now?" Simon asked

"Not rightly sure," Mal admitted, pushing the light down. He blinked to clear his vision. "With all the fun we's been experiencin', I haven't exactly had time to plan."

"Not to be...pushy, Mal. But we need one of your crazy plans here. You know, the kind that always goes horribly wrong and yet somehow works it out in the end. My sister's life may depend on it."

"Your sister's fine, Simon."

The voice drifted down over the 'com, floated into Simon's ears like music.

"River? Where are you?"

"Come to the cargo bay. I'll be there."

Mal handed Simon his dope gun.

"Go find your sister."

Zoe met his eyes.

"Sir?"

"Gonna go see who's still in the kitchen."

---

He was awake.

Inara fell forward, her knee slamming painfully into the floor. She kicked wildly and crawled forward, trying to escape the grasping fist. The dope gun was on the counter. If she could just reach it, put him to sleep again. She tried to crawl under the table, escape the meaty hand and the hulking man to which it belonged. But he was too strong. She grabbed for the table leg, but he pulled her out, lifted her to her feet and shoved her back against the wall. She felt her brain go fuzzy, her vision blur in the darkness.

"That wasn't playin' very fair, darling, stickin' me with that doper." He shook her by the shoulders, making her head spin. "None of your friends play fair, do they, whore? You think this is the way I prefer spendin' my holidays?"

"I suppose not," she answered, wondering whether she'd lose consciousness first, wondering whether she wanted to. "A pious man like yourself must have had other plans for the eve of your Lord's birth."

He slapped her, but it hardly hurt. She felt her knees buckle, felt herself going to sleep.

His hand grabbed at the front of her dress. Weakly she reached behind her for a weapon, something sharp or heavy which which to hit him. Her hand grasped emptily at the air.

---

Kaylee raced down the stairs, clutching the railing so she wouldn't trip and break a leg.

"Almost there, Nara." Silence. "Nara? Inara?"

She hesitated, darkness coming at her from all sides.

"Wash?" she whispered. "Wash, can you hear me? Help me," she murmured softly.

Silence.

Inara. She had to go back for her, no matter how scared she was. She took two steps up, stumbled in the dark. She reached out and grabbed the ledge to break her fall. Her fingers fumbled, brushed metal. She lifted the gun Jayne had taped there, tucked the pistol in the waist of her coveralls. The lights fluttered, came on full blast, illuminating her path.

"Thanks, Wash," she murmured and ran up the remaining stairs.

She could see everything now, too much. Inara struggled wildly as the big man tried to tear the front of her dress. When he heard Kaylee's footsteps, he whirled around.

Kaylee didn't think. She raised the gun and shot him three times, one after another. He collapsed back on the table, rolled off to the floor. She was still holding the gun when Mal appeared at the top of the stairs.

She jumped when he took the gun from her, slid it in his holster as his eyes took in the scene. Funny, but she'd never seen that look on his face before. Not so strange. His heart had been broke long before she met him. She just never thought she'd see it break again.

He squeezed her shoulder once and then went to Inara, reached out a hand and waited for her to take it.

"You're okay," he said, as though reassuring himself.

"I'm okay," she said because he needed to hear the words from her lips.

"Where's Gray?" he asked gently.

"I-I don't know. He left shortly after you did."

"You're hurt." Understatement of the year, he thought. He stroked a hand lightly over her hair, resisted the urge to gather her up, hold her safe against his chest. But he couldn't keep her safe, knew that now. "Stay here."

"I'm going with you."

He shook his head wryly, leaned her against Kaylee who was hovering nearby.

"Why'd I figure as much?" he murmured before starting back down the stairs, the girls close behind.

"We're walkin' into a battle, ladies. If you wasn't both so damn hardheaded, I'd tell you to lock yourself somewhere not the cargo bay right now."

"We're goin' with you cap'n," Kaylee said. "And if you wasn't so hardheaded yourself, you wouldn't have to ask."

---

It wasn't a battle, it was a standstill.

They didn't call her a genius for nothin', Mal thought. Girl was too gorram smart for her own good. She knew she didn't have to take them all down, didn't even have to try. All she had to do was turn the gun on herself, hold it to her head. She was taking a hostage of herself: the most precious cargo on the whole damn ship.

"River." Simon stood beside Zoe, nearly hysterical. "River, put the gun down."

"I can't, Simon." She sounded sad and too rutting old for her eighteen years. "This is the way it has to be."

"River, you don't want to do this," Gray tried. He'd returned to the Prowler to wave his superiors. River Tam found. Will return with her and Captain Reynolds. Crew knows nothing. Three, simple statements. The last was a lie, but Gray didn't care. If he told that lie, he could live with himself. And they'd have the girl, the solution to their problem. That was the important part. Without the Reavers, the Browncoats had little with which to stir up their rebellion. But now...

One psychic genius, five feet tall and holding the fate of millions. Holding it in her hand, the one pointing the gun at her head.

"Not about want, Agent Gray." River smiled, eyes watery. "Some things are about need. Send all your men back to the Prowler. You stay."

"I don't make it a habit to take orders from teenage girls."

River cocked the trigger.

"Go." Gray motioned for his surviving soldiers to board the ship.

"Him too," River said, though Gideon was behind her, limping a little after his encounter with Zoe's knee. "Take the warrior on board."

"You!" Mal muttered accusingly when he saw the tall, blond-haired boy watching from the doorway.

Gideon sighed, tried to catch Zoe's eye.

"If it comes to it, I'll keep my promise," Gideon murmured. He stepped past Mal and continued on the path to his own ship.

"Are you ready to deal now, Agent Gray?" River smiled, gun still in place. "I've learned a lot about trading from Captain Reynolds. First rule: always honor your trades."

"River, if you and Captain Reynolds come with us, I give you my word the others won't be harmed."

"She's not going anywhere," Simon spoke up. "River, walk to me, mei mei."

"Simon, shh." She looked at him tearfully. "I love you Simon, don't make this harder."

"River?" Gray held out a hand as though to shake. "Do we have a deal?"

"Captain Reynolds stays."

"River, I can't--"

"You know what?" Mal stepped away from Kaylee and Inara. "This whole discussion's a little on the pointless side 'cuz the girl ain't goin' nowhere."

"Mal, stay out of this," River ordered, eyes still on Gray.

"Excuse me? Since when are you the captain?"

"River, please," Inara burst out, unable to bear the speed with which the situation was whirling out of control. "Come here, sweetie."

"Sorry, Inara. This is the way it has to be."

"River, I don't think you want it to go down this way." Gray took a step forward, hands reaching for his 'com. "Do you have any idea what a bullet in the brain feels like?"

"Not bullets. Fingers, poking prodding. Cold needles..."

Mal took a step toward Gray.

"I think you wanna be gettin' the hell off my ship now."

From the catwalk above, a gun cocked. Jayne's face appeared, rifle pointed at Gray's head.

"No, Jayne," River said softly. "This isn't your mighty victory."

Gray was getting desperate. One slippery trigger finger and this whole thing could fall apart. He'd rather explain the loss of Captain Reynolds than the death of River Tam.

"If I let him stay, let them all stay...you'll come with me?"

"River, no!" Simon shouted.

"That's the trade," she said softly.

"Over my dead body," Mal declared.

The sound of the gun shot rendered them all silent.

And then he felt the bullet. His Little Albatross had shot him. Mal marveled at this as he fell to the the floor, his shoulder on fire. Inara rushed forward to help him, break his fall. Things were happening too fast, the pain was blurring his brain. Hazy, he watched River run off with Gray, slamming the doors behind them. He saw Simon rush past, try to pry them open, Jayne close on his heels. The banged furiously, in vain. Gray had used a heat strip, sealed the lock. Inara lowered him gently to the ground. She stroked his face, mouthed something that looked like his name, but his hearing was going out. Damn that whole blood loss thing, he could recall thinking before everything went white.

---

Mal woke in the infirmary with a dull ache in his shoulder and a powerful urge to go back to sleep. Something was very wrong. The moment he opened his eyes, it came back to him, came in waves. He tried to sit up, spring to action. The only thing that moved was his stomach, and he thought he'd be sick.

"Take it easy, Captain."

The doctor, groping at his wrist for the pulse. Mal tried to fling his arm off, but felt Inara's cool hand stroke his forehead, skim through his hair.

"Mal. Rest now."

He felt himself going under again.

---

When he woke again, the doctor was gone. Inara was washing his good shoulder--knife wound, not gun shot--with a cool cloth. She startled when she saw him watching her.

"You've been out awhile," she observed, her voice soft, reassuring.

He coughed, tried to raise his head.

"River?"

Inara looked down, busied her hands with her work.

"No word. Zoe's been on the cortex all night, contacting everyone who might...it might take awhile, Mal."

"I promised the doc I'd protect he." He sat up stiffly, taking the cloth from her hands. "I promised her."

"She made a choice, Mal. She's not the child you and Simon would like to belive."

"Don't mean she ain't innocent." He reached out a hand, touched his fingers gently to the bruise spreading over her temple. "I wish I'd gotten there a second before Kaylee. Woulda liked to be the one to kill the tyen-sah duh uh-muo."

Inara shrugged, took his hand from her bruised face, brought it to her lips.

"It's over now. Past. Everything said at that table is past."

"You shoulda told me, Inara. Not that you owed me explanations, 'cuz surely you didn't, dont. But you shoulda told me."

"Mal, neither of us is much for dredging up the past." She smiled, kissed his black eye. "You're not exactly an open book."

"No, I guess that's so." He shifted so his legs hung off the side of the table, pulled her between them. "I want to take you to bed, if you'll have me there."

He tugged her closer to him, felt the ache roll through his shoulder and winced.

Inara stroked sympathetic fingers over his cheek.

"Perhaps we should check with Simon to see if this is okay?" she suggested, her lips curving in a coy smile.

Mal shook his head at her.

"You're lucky I only got the use of one arm, darlin'."

---

Later he'd see to Kaylee, work out a plan with the doctor and Zoe. They'd need credit, friends in certain circles. They'd call in favors, threaten all sorts of mayhem. But it would wait. Now it was still Christmas. He had a present for her.

He retrieved the box while she showered, washed off dirt and blood and handprints not his. She came out all warm and glowy, hair wet and skin soft with the lotion she favored. A fresh, clean scent, like spring and lilacs and life. He took her in his lap, admiring the smooth brown silk of her nightgown, the way it dipped like a V between her breasts.

She was kissing him slowly, taking her time with it. She smoothed his hair and pressed her lips to his neck, feeling him go hard beneath her.

"Hey, hold up there, darlin'. Got something for ya." He took the box from his pocket, pressed it in her hands.

She looked surprised, as though she'd forgotten the holiday. Probably it was a Christmas she'd rather not remember in shiny detail.

"Mal." She looked up, met his eyes.

"Now, don't embarrass yourself and start cryin', Inara."

She smiled and opened the box, caught her breath. She lifted the slim gold chain so she could see the stone, red as blood and dipping down like a tear drop.

"Was my mama's. She was born in July too. What do they call those again?"

"Ruby," she said softly. She twisted her hair back with one hand. "Will you?"

He fastened the chain around her neck, lowered the tear drop between her breasts with one hand.

"Looks real good on you."

"Make love to me, Mal," she said quickly, taking his hands.

"Girls and baubles," he murmured, shaking his head, but pressed her back against the pillows.

The undressed each other with the lights on, savoring the images, the whisper-soft brushes of hands against bare skin. The ruby glowed in the lamp light as he made love to her, stroking gently, slow enough to find her lips and linger there. He sped up when she started to whimper, felt her tighten around him, her climax driving him over the edge. When his breathing finally slowed, he realized he was probably crushing the girl, tried to shift off of her.

"Stay." She met his eyes, her own like smoke. "Stay inside me."

He knew after, as he watched her sleep, hair strewn over the pillows, one delicate hand resting on his chest. She wasn't River, wasn't a child. She was strong, nearly a decade his junior and yet years ahead of him in wisdom, in mettle. But when it came to him and her, whatever they were doing...they were both as children, lost in the woods. She'd never be satisfied with what he could give, and he couldn't bear the pain of disappointing her, failing her. He wasn't Zoe. He couldn't watch her die and go on.

Mal lay his hand over hers, touched when she threaded his fingers in her sleep.

He'd wait until morning. He didn't have the strength to do it tonight.

---

He waited until she was dressed, combing her hair in front of the mirror. Gorramit, he wanted to wait longer, wanted to take her back to bed, hold her just a few more moments. He was being a coward.

At first she thought he was joking. Then, realizing he wasn't, she seemed stunned. In the end, she was just angry.

"We'll fly you wherever you want to go. I know you've got friends, hundreds of 'em prolly. You take some time, but make the decision."

"Mal, you can't just throw me off the ship."

"You can't afford the shuttle."

For a moment she was silent, at a loss.

"Wow, Mal. I thought even you couldn't be this much of a hun dan."

"Dammit, I can't keep you safe." He couldn't keep any of them safe.

"So you're just gonna drive us all away? Send us all off one by one until you're alone with your ship and your sky?"

"Made a promise to the doc, and I intend to keep it." He'd promised Wash he'd take care of Zoe, be there for her if she let him. Kaylee, Little Kaylee who held a gun yesterday, killed a man, even if he'd been barely that. But Kaylee had no where to go, had nothing to go back to since her daddy died, elsewise he'd send her there. He didn't worry so much about Jayne. Jayne could take care of himself; he always did.

"Mal. Let me help you."

"Inara...can't no one help me."

She saw the darkness in his eyes, knew she couldn't light the way for him.

"This isn't what you want, Mal," she said softly.

No, it surely wasn't.

"Some things ain't about want."

"The first night we were together...I told you I wouldn't take orders from you if we were lovers."

"Then it's a good thing we ain't that anymore. I want you off my ship, Inara."

He left her alone in the room, the better part of his soul in her hands.

---

He'd given her his gun. One glance from those big damn eyes of hers, one plaintive murmur of his name: Jayne. He handed her the pistol he'd taken off one of the soldiers, set it right in her pretty little hand. And before he could regret it, ask for it back, she kissed him. She was so gorram small, had to stand on tip toe to reach his shoulders. But she curled those small, lethal hands behind his neck, tickling the sensitive flesh there. And she pressed her soft lips over his. It was a chaste kiss; she only opened her mouth at the very end. Then she pulled away, amused.

"Kissed boys before, but first time with a man. How'd I do?"

Jayne had opened his mouth, then closed it again. He didn't have any words.

Apparently unoffended, she giggled. She tucked his gun in the bodice of her dress, offered him a sad smile.

"Thank you, Jayne Cobb" she said softly, and was gone before he could stop her, taking his illumination stick, leaving him in the dark.

Now she was gone for good.

---

From her room on board the Alliance Prowler, River Tam watched the universe fly by her window. Serenity was leaving her, moving farther away with each passing second.

She would do as they asked her. Maim. Kill. Like her namesake, she'd wash away the dirt, cleanse the sins of others. And she'd survive...in some form or another.

She worried about the crew. Simon. He was hurting, bleeding as he sewed up the others. Mal, hurt on the inside, the outside, all over. The look on the captain's face, realizing he'd been shot, realizing who pulled the trigger. River cringed as though she could feel the bullet tearing through her own flesh. He was getting it all wrong. She'd feared he would, feared he'd use this as an excuse to push them further away, push Inara away.

Still, life had a way of changing, forcing a person to change with it. Captain Reynolds would be facing many changes in the coming months. Thinking about those changes, River Tam smiled.

---

END

NOTE: Stay tuned for Season 2, Bed and Wine.


End file.
